Health: Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML

By Bobby M - 16/05/2011 16:33 - Ireland

Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 525

You deserved it 10 688

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 21/03/2012 04:50 - Canada

Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 595

You deserved it 22 043

By Chester (Seattle) - 09/09/2010 02:15 - United States

Today, I got circumcised. After the surgery, my girlfriend got drunk and texted all of her friends about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 951

You deserved it 5 821

By loser - 10/10/2009 20:45 - France

Today, I was at a bar and very drunk. I went to the urinal and when I was done I went to zip up when I realized I never unzipped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 604

You deserved it 61 299

By liu_kang - 16/03/2010 18:55 - United States

Today, my schlong decided to enter Mortal Kombat with my pants zipper. Guess which of the two won a flawless victory? FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 164

You deserved it 7 711

By box bulge - 21/10/2011 01:24 - China

Today, whilst trying on a pair of jeans, I got my genitals caught in my fly. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 016

You deserved it 9 980

Butterfingers

By eiregal2 - 15/04/2020 23:00 - Ireland - Cork

Today, I somehow managed to slice open my thumb. The dangerous weapon that caused this to happen? Velcro. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 415

You deserved it 199

By Anonymous - 20/10/2010 03:05 - United States

Today, I got my lip pierced. By the orthodontist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 308

You deserved it 3 239

It's called fashion, OK? Look it up.

By Seamstressed - 09/02/2017 20:00 - Italy

Today, I was sewing a top. Due to a mistake, I had to unstitch the zipper and resew it. When I was almost done, I noticed that the zipper was upside down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 236

You deserved it 1 266

By Anonymous - 25/10/2009 18:28 - United States

Today, while at the store, my fly became undone. It doesn't seem that bad unless an old lady comes to "zip it up for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 331

You deserved it 4 134

By irony - 16/08/2009 07:05 - United States

Today, I got a paper cut while opening my box of Band-Aids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 941

You deserved it 9 372

Michaelgee 2

Monday 16 May 2011 23:05

I guess you can you say your fashion sense is certainly "cutting edge" Sincerely, Your useless superhero Bad Pun Man.

hannah1203 2

Monday 16 May 2011 23:13

Rabbi's don't get paid to do circumcisions, but they do keep the tips...

Comments

brozorz 0

Tuesday 17 May 2011 1:32

ouch!

Reinhard_Xenon 0

Tuesday 17 May 2011 1:51

hope your Jewish!

ivan_m25 0

Tuesday 17 May 2011 2:19

at least it will make it look bigger.

CamQB4 0

Tuesday 17 May 2011 2:21

small.

j_cat187 19

Tuesday 17 May 2011 2:33

ha i did that when i was 5

greenorange75 8

Tuesday 17 May 2011 2:34

Ow. Sounds painful!

holydude68 0

Tuesday 17 May 2011 2:37

happens to me all the time using the urinal

littlesilver 0

Tuesday 17 May 2011 2:42

I'm not even a guy but gosh....that sounds excruciating!!!!

jellyD 1

Tuesday 17 May 2011 2:42

going commando? YTDI

dreamering 16

Tuesday 17 May 2011 2:43

So, Bonner is a 30 year old man, married and has a 3 year old son. Bonner, your wife was complaining recently about your bad aim.

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Work Sleep Love Dating Am I overreacting? Annoying Health Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Cops Drugs Neighbours Medication Relatable Teenagers Dogs Animals Gamers Ironic Video games Job interview

The Top

Today, I went out to dinner with my boyfriend and his mom. The hostess asked if I needed "the kid's menu," remarked how I look "so grown up for your age," and asked what grade I was in. I said I'm in university. She laughed as if it was the best joke ever told. I'm 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 774

You deserved it 2 046

Today, I finally decided to tell my partner that I was sexually harassed by another guy in high school. When I got to the point, she rolled her eyes, stopped me and said, "Why can't you just tell me something nice? I don't want to hear about it, it's triggering me." Well, thanks for your attention, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 501

You deserved it 101

The Top

Today, I called the police to report that my car had been keyed. I remember going to a bar last night and getting drunk. A surveillance camera revealed that after my drunken self couldn't unlock the door to my car, I punched the door and hurt my fist so bad that I keyed my own car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 782

You deserved it 54 774

Today, more than fifteen years of marriage and sex at least once a week has given my otherwise lovely husband the stamina to last a minute and a half. We've cum together less than five times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 277

Today, I got tons of sympathy (and hugs) from my co-workers after intense sneezing and coughing due to my "seasonal allergies." When I got home, my SO asked if allergies are contagious, because he had them too. He didn't have allergies. We have Covid. And so do most of my co-workers now. I suck! FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 1 067

Today, I went to a New Year's party with my boyfriend. Later into the night, he got drunk, and left me there to go to another party with his friends. I have no car, and no way to get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 730

You deserved it 3 604

Today, some girl from Colorado called me. She knew my name. My Facebook. I had no idea how she got my number. She then asked me out. I say, "Sure…" sarcastically. She then called my girlfriend, who also lives in Colorado. Our relationship is now over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 927

You deserved it 39 540

Today, after a night of no sleep due to severe depression for medical and unemployment reasons, my brother referred to a missed text from the family, saying sarcastically, "Say that you're isolating yourself without saying you're isolating yourself." Well, I wasn't before, but thanks for trying to talk me into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 131

Same thing different taste

Butterfingers

It's called fashion, OK? Look it up.

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