Animals: Today, I got high for the first time. Apparently I called my...

By Anonymous - 14/09/2014 16:38 - Ghana - Accra

Today, I got high for the first time. Apparently I called my vet and told him my goldfish was barking. I found out when he called me back later to make sure we were both okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 645

You deserved it 20 850

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Madridsta - 28/06/2014 06:28 - United States - Rialto

Today, while being high for the first time after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I called my dental assistant pretty before leaving, and then shouted, "I NEED TO POOP!" to the whole office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 912

You deserved it 7 845

By Anonymous - 19/07/2014 23:39 - United States - Erie

Today, while doing some spring cleaning, I found the remains of my goldfish, which I was sure my cat ate last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 629

You deserved it 6 479

By Crystal - 10/01/2009 08:21 - France

Today, I was so bored that I filmed my goldfish while it was eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 843

You deserved it 6 242

By Anonymous - 28/08/2011 11:29 - Australia

Today, I bought a new goldfish. While leaving my fish on my balcony to go get fish food, I hear a loud squawk and splash, I race outside to see a bird flying off with my fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 411

You deserved it 43 027

High times

By Anonymous - 03/04/2023 00:00

Today, I got a call from my brother, saying he was losing his mind at work and did not feel well. I went to pick him up. Turns out he decided to try weed for the first time at work and was high AF. Now I'm the little brother babysitting a 35 year-old man child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 111

By Anonymous - 10/12/2012 22:40 - Sweden - V?ster

Today, I woke up to find my best friend lying down and unresponsive. Frightened, I tapped on the glass. He got scared and started swimming again. My best friend is a fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 592

You deserved it 7 209

By Fish Breath - 03/06/2016 22:26 - United States - Bloomington

Today, as part of my job at a pet store, I helped our frat house president pick out goldfish for the new aquarium the big brothers are installing over summer break. And, once I'm initiated, I'll get to swallow one of the fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 037

You deserved it 4 136

By That idiot - 28/08/2014 02:33 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I won a goldfish at the amusement park. My little brother took him out of the bowl because he thought he was drowning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 407

You deserved it 3 625

By GHTD - 27/01/2011 11:20 - United Kingdom

Today, at work, whilst on hold to an important client, I said to my co-workers "F*cking hell, this woman sounds high as a kite". I heard a cough on the other end of the phone. All calls are recorded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 603

You deserved it 40 988

By killer - 16/05/2009 12:21 - Latvia

Today, I went to see a fortune teller. She said one of my closest friends will die soon because of me. Frightened I hurried home to avoid meeting anyone I know. At home I found my goldfish floating on its back. Apparently I forgot to feed my closest friend for the past 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 795

You deserved it 60 004

Earths_Venus 25

Sunday 14 September 2014 23:26

Plot twist: you don't even have a goldfish, but you have got a very wet dog...

NeoTabu 11

Sunday 14 September 2014 23:26

Must have been some good shit

Comments

buckdharma 37

Monday 15 September 2014 0:46

My goldfish are fine. Even when I get the munchies and bite their tails off. I check their little faces, and yep, still smiling. :)

jadedsanity 6

Monday 15 September 2014 0:55

...

jadedsanity 6

Monday 15 September 2014 0:51

When you get high you dont hear or see things unless they are off of hallucinogenic substances. Unless you were trying some serious stuff you wouldnt have thought your goldfish was barking nor can you blame your high for your own stupidity. This is why marijuana gets such a bad reputation because people use it as an excuse to be stupid.

Axel5238 29

Monday 15 September 2014 1:05

True, but there are those that prefer laced stuff to get a different high. I smoked pot along time ago ,back in college that was laced. Though I was one of the Duck's from Duck Hunt. Found out the college stoner friend told me it was probably laced with crystal meth.

trendkilla254 4

Monday 15 September 2014 18:01

sounds more like embalming fluid.

skittyskatbrat 19

Monday 15 September 2014 21:52

I figure the neighbor's dog was barking and he was too stoned to figure out where it was coming from and decided it had to be the fish that was barking. I've seen dumber stuff from stoned people.

Onyx3288 22

Monday 15 September 2014 1:06

Ok. OP never said he was high off weed! It could have been shrooms... Which would explain a lot. That said, who the **** chooses shrooms as their first high in the first place?!?!?!