Animals: Today, I got high for the first time. Apparently I called my...

By Anonymous - 14/09/2014 16:38 - Ghana - Accra

Today, I got high for the first time. Apparently I called my vet and told him my goldfish was barking. I found out when he called me back later to make sure we were both okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 645

You deserved it 20 850

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Same thing different taste

By Madridsta - 28/06/2014 06:28 - United States - Rialto

Today, while being high for the first time after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I called my dental assistant pretty before leaving, and then shouted, "I NEED TO POOP!" to the whole office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 912

You deserved it 7 845

By Anonymous - 19/07/2014 23:39 - United States - Erie

Today, while doing some spring cleaning, I found the remains of my goldfish, which I was sure my cat ate last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 629

You deserved it 6 479

By Crystal - 10/01/2009 08:21 - France

Today, I was so bored that I filmed my goldfish while it was eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 843

You deserved it 6 242

By Anonymous - 28/08/2011 11:29 - Australia

Today, I bought a new goldfish. While leaving my fish on my balcony to go get fish food, I hear a loud squawk and splash, I race outside to see a bird flying off with my fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 411

You deserved it 43 027

High times

By Anonymous - 03/04/2023 00:00

Today, I got a call from my brother, saying he was losing his mind at work and did not feel well. I went to pick him up. Turns out he decided to try weed for the first time at work and was high AF. Now I'm the little brother babysitting a 35 year-old man child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 111

By Anonymous - 10/12/2012 22:40 - Sweden - V?ster

Today, I woke up to find my best friend lying down and unresponsive. Frightened, I tapped on the glass. He got scared and started swimming again. My best friend is a fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 592

You deserved it 7 209

By Fish Breath - 03/06/2016 22:26 - United States - Bloomington

Today, as part of my job at a pet store, I helped our frat house president pick out goldfish for the new aquarium the big brothers are installing over summer break. And, once I'm initiated, I'll get to swallow one of the fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 037

You deserved it 4 136

By That idiot - 28/08/2014 02:33 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I won a goldfish at the amusement park. My little brother took him out of the bowl because he thought he was drowning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 407

You deserved it 3 625

By GHTD - 27/01/2011 11:20 - United Kingdom

Today, at work, whilst on hold to an important client, I said to my co-workers "F*cking hell, this woman sounds high as a kite". I heard a cough on the other end of the phone. All calls are recorded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 603

You deserved it 40 988

By killer - 16/05/2009 12:21 - Latvia

Today, I went to see a fortune teller. She said one of my closest friends will die soon because of me. Frightened I hurried home to avoid meeting anyone I know. At home I found my goldfish floating on its back. Apparently I forgot to feed my closest friend for the past 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 795

You deserved it 60 004

Earths_Venus 25

Sunday 14 September 2014 23:26

Plot twist: you don't even have a goldfish, but you have got a very wet dog...

NeoTabu 11

Sunday 14 September 2014 23:26

Must have been some good shit

Comments

snippit 18

Wednesday 17 September 2014 12:11

That's gold op!

simpilot312 6

Thursday 18 September 2014 5:38

lol idiot

ash_l_e_I_g_h 3

Thursday 18 September 2014 8:04

We had a duck cookie jar, when we were teenagers and my brothers friends thought the damn thing was quacking. He said "I could've sworn that duck just said 'quack, quack'" Needless to say, they took the weed from him.

Weasely 11

Thursday 18 September 2014 16:43

Who said he was hallucinating? He could've been in the room with the fish, and there was a dog barking outside somewhere. Easy explanation. I used to smoke and have/had no tolerance to weed and completely believe this could happen. I've gotten high enough that normally common sounds distort and make no sense and it's hard to decipher them.

Ilikepie82479 20

Friday 17 October 2014 22:59

You deserve it after the first three words

Epickitty58 29

Wednesday 8 April 2015 2:35

Good job finding that damn good weed. At least the vet didn't question it or call the cops, and just was concerned. FYL, OP. It's like drunk dialing. You never know what's gonna happen.