Intimacy: Today, I got my first handjob. She ripped out a pube. It hurt...

By southernluxe - 04/09/2011 09:36 - United States

Today, I got my first handjob. She ripped out a pube. It hurt so bad my eyes teared up. She asked what was wrong and not wanting to make her feel guilty I had to tell her it was "Just so good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 948

You deserved it 10 651

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Same thing different taste

Nasty

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 11:24 - Australia

Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 524

You deserved it 5 891

Traumatized knob

By Anonymous - 10/03/2015 19:11

Today, I got my first handjob. I also found out today that a girl can pull your skin hard enough to cause it to bleed profusely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 005

You deserved it 4 617

Hott

By purple - 24/03/2012 05:30 - United States - Katy

Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 180

You deserved it 12 413

By Anonymous - 30/12/2015 15:21 - Canada - Aurora

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 161

You deserved it 5 568

Frustrated wank

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 19:00

Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 304

RIP Beard

By captain patch beard - 03/10/2019 18:01

Today, I met a girl at a bar, we had a few drinks and really hit it off. We headed back to my place to get a little action. As she was riding me, she got rougher and rougher until she reached down and yanked a patch of hair right out of my beard. I yelped in pain and didn’t even finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 121

You deserved it 442

By valerie - 28/05/2011 01:04 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 044

You deserved it 18 790

By mrricecakes - 23/03/2012 05:55 - United States - Gilbert

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 411

You deserved it 5 234

Are you experienced?

By Brax - 30/05/2012 09:46 - United States

Today, my girlfriend stuck her finger up my butt while giving me a hand-job, promising it would feel really good. It just felt awkward and made me need to poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 255

You deserved it 9 421

Girl boss

By dating walter white's gf apparently - 06/04/2013 19:13 - United Kingdom

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 120

You deserved it 13 417

shadowgamer_x 0

Sunday 4 September 2011 19:05

What a hairy situation. At least this wasn't in pubelic!

Althenias 0

Sunday 4 September 2011 19:04

try shaving, problem solved

Comments

SL33PY_13 4

Sunday 4 September 2011 19:08

haha

ibhim 0

Sunday 4 September 2011 19:08

Did she at least finish?

megapeyt 17

Sunday 4 September 2011 19:09

Tough break dude You'll live. At least she's willing so quit your whining

lemonkittens 8

Sunday 4 September 2011 19:11

Lying is bad for the soul. But FYL.bat least she didn't do it on purpose.

Jesus_Christ69 0

Sunday 4 September 2011 20:50

Or maybe she did ..? :o MINDFUCK

mcr22dnb 4

Sunday 4 September 2011 21:58

Yaaay another person who likes ADTR :D

jeanaj 0

Tuesday 6 September 2011 20:25

I love adtr!

Malkria 1

Sunday 4 September 2011 19:11

Ouch! ?(????)?

skatingalyy 0

Sunday 4 September 2011 20:12

are you trying to tell us something with those question marks? please, enlighten me. xD

zombicidal 11

Sunday 4 September 2011 19:11

any fml that has I got a handjob in it probably isn't an fml

ollie179 21

Sunday 4 September 2011 19:11

*Sob Sob* What's the matter? *sniff* it's...just so good!

syfool 4

Sunday 4 September 2011 19:12

Hilarious, I can picture you crying haha

whatgoescomes 5

Sunday 4 September 2011 19:14

Wow that suckess

Cesarbmg 2

Sunday 4 September 2011 19:15

Hahaha. Thats funny.

MissBunnyWillEat 11

Sunday 4 September 2011 19:59

*plucks pube hairs out one by one with tweezers* hahaha, oh, oh, my, this is funny! ahaha. ahahh...haha..ahh..

Keywords

My ex Awkward Love AITA Jealousy Friends Poopoo peepee Health Embarrassing Sports Proposal Cold weather Annoying Snow Cheating Work Money Relatable Kids Parenting DIY Accident Parents Medication ADHD Weather Miscellaneous Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird

The Top

Today, my husband has been out partying all night. While my in-laws didn't ask him a single question, earlier I received more than six calls from them about when I'll be home to cook and clean. Where was I? In the office for the first time after working from home for past 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 059

You deserved it 111

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves, so I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview, I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202 655

You deserved it 52 026

The Top

Today, I called my seven-year old son to help me with the ice-maker on the fridge because it wasn't working. Without even pausing, he turned the child lock off and started laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 518

You deserved it 39 210

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend, when things got a little frisky and we started making out. It was my first time French-kissing, and apparently he has a very sensitive gag reflex, because the moment my tongue went in, he started retching, and vomited moments later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 998

You deserved it 3 819

Today, I was robbed while working overnight at the gas station. They demanded I give them all the cash in the register. Seeing they were armed, I was reduced to tears and complied. They mocked me and took a video with their cellphone. When I told my boss, he promptly fired me for not “fighting back.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 362

You deserved it 83

Today, I explained to my boyfriend that I'm pansexual. I said attracts what me to him is his intelligence and personality, and would still love him whether or not he had a penis. Turns out a 100% straight cis man can prioritise his penis over his intelligence and personality, because he's really offended now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 1 434

Today, I had my first interview. Everything was going well until I made him repeat his name numerous times, as I couldn't understand what he was saying due to his thick accent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 034

You deserved it 1 259

Today, after many weeks of talking to this guy over the phone for hours on end and establishing that we both had feelings for the other, we met in person. He saw me, got an "emergency text," and hasn't talked to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 143

You deserved it 5 534

Same thing different taste

Nasty

Traumatized knob

Hott

Frustrated wank

RIP Beard

Are you experienced?

Girl boss

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