Sex and Intimacy: Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been...

By confused_girl - 01/08/2013 05:10 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 396

You deserved it 5 041

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Same thing different taste

Don't wanna know

By Anonymous - 16/02/2011 05:50

Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 212

You deserved it 4 187

By Anonymous - 03/02/2013 16:27 - Serbia

Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 809

You deserved it 5 456

By tobuscus9412 - 22/03/2015 01:04 - Australia - Woronora

Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 152

You deserved it 3 341

By ReallyMom - 09/01/2014 21:48 - United States - Shawano

Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 699

You deserved it 5 204

By Anonymous - 23/02/2012 20:25 - United States

Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 819

You deserved it 37 528

By more than I wanted to know - 13/05/2013 19:10 - Italy - San Giustino

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 198

You deserved it 5 876

By accident - 14/02/2014 22:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 059

You deserved it 5 829

By CallaC - 15/03/2012 02:01 - Canada

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 514

You deserved it 2 901

By PPP - 28/04/2015 15:05 - United States

Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 660

You deserved it 3 338

Scarred for life

By Aly - 09/12/2011 15:40 - United States

Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 174

You deserved it 5 864

Wizardo 33

Thursday 1 August 2013 16:12

Maybe he was talking about ******?

JustJumped 22

Thursday 1 August 2013 16:14

He's just trying to make sure you don't get disappointed some day

Comments

mulumequitem 6

Friday 2 August 2013 1:36

I learned it all from my best friend in kindergarten, crazy what he knows... And surprisingly he was right about everything...

ImAp0tat0 9

Friday 2 August 2013 3:08

great advice. should of asked him how or &?

lininnes 6

Friday 2 August 2013 3:23

I think the point is that OP's dad thought his daughter couldn't get a real penus so had to get advice on how to satisfy herself with a stick (?)

thegreycat_fml 12

Friday 2 August 2013 4:21

One: he's right; Two: he's likely trying to keep you from being judgemental.

Poppipuff 14

Friday 2 August 2013 4:23

At least it changes from comments that begin with 'at least' !

redmnky21 8

Friday 2 August 2013 5:26

and an idiot

timakinz 21

Friday 2 August 2013 6:23

And you lived to tell. Congrats!

mrsnugglefunny 10

Friday 2 August 2013 6:59

You should of told your dad to keep telling himself that.....

1Dfangirl 21

Friday 2 August 2013 8:22

How old are you?

PapaSmurffolks 7

Friday 2 August 2013 8:24

Awkward!!!!!!!!!!

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The Top

Today, I talked to a girl on the phone who had previously told me her last relationship "ended very badly." I said, "So let me guess, the jerk cheated on you?" She paused for a few moments and finally replied, "No, he died in a motorcycle accident." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 836

You deserved it 22 141

Today, I found out that the 2 loud "firework booms" I heard were actually a guy shooting his dog on the unfinished road behind my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 578

You deserved it 3 053

The Top

Today, I got home from a holiday to find out that my flatmate had thrown a party. Everything seemed fine at first, then I noticed that someone had taken a dump in my running shoes that were in my bedroom closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 74

Today, I found out that the coworker I refused to leave my wife for is now happily married with someone else, while I'm now divorced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 455

You deserved it 31 544

Today, I had dinner with my family for the first time in a couple of days. My mum and dad spent the majority of the time arguing whether salt or pepper weighed more. This is why I'm not home often. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 809

You deserved it 2 244

Today, I got paired up with a coworker for a three-month project. All he talks about is how attractive my girlfriend is and what he would do with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 425

You deserved it 3 738

Today, my toddler learned the phrase “Shut up.” He now loudly says it to anyone who speaks to him, including our elderly neighbor, whose only crime was complimenting him on his shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 193

Today, I got a call from a job I had applied for. Everything went great until I realized I had applied to the wrong location, across town. I'm so broke, I went to the interview anyway. It will cost me more to pay for the gas to drive there to work, than what I will actually make. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 123

You deserved it 2 276

Same thing different taste

Don't wanna know

Scarred for life

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