Work: Today, I had my first meeting with business partners as I am...

By Anonymous - 06/05/2009 06:04 - United States

Today, I had my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team. Instead of saying that I was looking forward to "stretching my legs" or "spreading my wings", I told them I was anxious to start "spreading my legs". FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 350

You deserved it 21 996

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Same thing different taste

By taperjeangirl - 21/02/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, I was telling my mom that I was really nervous about going to the gynecologist for the first time. Her response, "Oh don't worry, it's not like it's the first time you've spread your legs!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 765

You deserved it 10 556

By Unnoticed - 27/07/2017 06:30 - Australia - Thornlie

Today, my colleague introduced herself and said, "I know how nerve-racking first days are!" Which is nice of her, except I've been at this company longer than she has. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 147

You deserved it 324

By kitkat3308 - 30/03/2015 05:06 - United States - Lees Summit

Today, after recently quitting a terrible job which made me miserable, I went to my first work meeting at my new job. I was excited to start fresh and meet my new coworkers. Instead, I met my boyfriend's extremely jealous ex-girlfriend. She didn't look excited to see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 122

You deserved it 2 209

By Username - 19/05/2011 15:13

Today, I finally started my dream job. I turned up for work with a huge smile on my face. Imagine how much my face dropped when I saw that I had to share an office with the girl I stood up last weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 980

You deserved it 80 655

By Partners - 22/06/2015 19:55 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 820

You deserved it 3 403

By Mito - 10/09/2017 23:15

Today, we had an impromptu meeting to get to know the new additions to the team. They asked me to introduce myself. I started a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 615

You deserved it 319

Confuddled

By Anonymous - 18/10/2024 22:00 - Canada

Today, I met my boyfriend’s parents for the first time. I got nervous and tried to say, "Nice to meet you, I’ve heard a lot about you!" when I should’ve just said, "It’s nice to meet you." To make things worse, it came out as, "Nice to hear you, I’ve met a lot about you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 147

By CurtisWogan - 12/03/2014 22:23 - United States - Albany

Today, I met my mom's new business partner for the first time. I shook his hand, and introduced myself as "Lisa's daughter." I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 934

You deserved it 13 475

Bored senseless

By Anonymous - 01/10/2010 16:55 - United States

Today, I started my first day of work. I was told to absorb everything going on and to get used to the high-paced flow of things. I've been sitting at my desk for two hours now, and the office has been empty since I've walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 313

You deserved it 2 988

By Anonymous - 18/06/2016 03:22 - United States - Detroit

Today, I finally started my first job. I also lost it, for being too "enthusiastic" and making my fellow employees look lazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 111

You deserved it 969

Blanadestroyer 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 12:19

The word of the day is "legs". Let's go spread it!

effyourlizzife 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 12:07

HAHAHAHA that's beautiful

Comments

lolajelly 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 12:05

LOL nice

michael32123 0

Monday 26 April 2010 7:27

in soviet Russia, leg spreads you

JuliaM1000 10

Wednesday 4 August 2010 6:10

WIN!!! :D ..I think..

effyourlizzife 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 12:07

HAHAHAHA that's beautiful

stiles_fml 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 12:08

how old are they?

LilKonvicted 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 12:12

hah! xD

Blanadestroyer 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 12:19

The word of the day is "legs". Let's go spread it!

KenMcGormick 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 12:19

are u a lady... if u are... ur business partners will think u are open-minded ^^... if not... u will be fired the next day

Jimboom 11

Wednesday 6 May 2009 12:20

Nice. I wouldn't mind being in the team thats "under you". ;-)

crownme 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 12:23

Lol your partners will only think your a ****. . .no biggie

soscrewed12 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 12:30

FML #243465 You'd better hope one of them was this guy.

lolffsfml 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 12:30

lol that is so unfortunate, but also absolutly hilarious.

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The Top

Today, my daughter got home from her first date, angry at me because I scared her date so much that he left halfway through. I swear I didn’t do anything except shake his hand and remind him her curfew is 10pm. Am I in the wrong here? FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 103

Today, I found out from a cousin why my older aunts treated me so differently when we were growing up. Apparently, my mom told them that when I was 14, I wanted to use tampons instead of pads. According to their backward, archaic logic, that meant I was sexually active. No wonder they hated me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 404

You deserved it 104

The Top

Today, I was so bored that I actually read the iTunes store's terms and conditions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 162

You deserved it 8 413

Today, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to record us having sex and me screaming his name. He set it as my ringtone without telling me. I had my phone volume on high as I was hanging out with my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 563

You deserved it 10 954

Today, I tried to flirt with my girlfriend since I'm really busy and we can't always be together. I tell her online that I think she's hot and she responds "Keep talking I have to pee". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 887

You deserved it 5 901

Today, my drunken mother told me I'm just like my father and that I don't give a fuck about her. She's living in my home and drinking my wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 741

You deserved it 138

Today, I ran a red light in front of a cop and got pulled over. My friend thought it would be funny to throw a knife in my lap and scream "Help me officer, he has a knife!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 768

You deserved it 7 644

Today, my dad tried to confiscate my car keys because he doesn’t like how late I stay out on the weekends. I’m 26, have owned my own home since I was 24, and also how the fuck does he know what time I get home? My own dad is stalking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063

You deserved it 91

Same thing different taste

Confuddled

Bored senseless

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