Intimacy: Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death,... - FML

By strangely - 25/07/2015 00:12 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death, just to stop myself from getting a boner while a girl laid her head in my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 352

You deserved it 6 301

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Same thing different taste

My eyes! My eyes!

By Anonymous - 03/06/2013 05:47 - United States - Sanford

Spicy

Today, I had to pee in my cat's litter box, just to avoid seeing my mom having sex in the living room on my way to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 332

You deserved it 6 428

Surprise, wanker!

By pussnboots - 16/07/2024 13:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, as I was feeling frisky, I started to jack off. I was about to come when my cat attacked my hand and nether regions under the blanket. I really got the pussy, didn’t I? FML

I agree, your life sucks 330

You deserved it 207

By MrAries - 02/03/2016 11:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, I'm so sleep-deprived, I got a boner from just thinking about falling asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 765

You deserved it 2 330

By djoe - 28/10/2010 12:00 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was patting my kitten who was asleep underneath the blanket on my lap. My roommate walked in and gave me disgusted look. She thought I was playing with myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 892

You deserved it 6 323

Excitation morning

By Anonymous - 14/11/2019 05:00

Spicy

Today, while I was in bed, my cat licked my nipple. It turned me on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 961

You deserved it 693

Smooth talker

By ugh - 31/01/2012 00:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 967

You deserved it 5 603

By Acne_problems - 22/02/2019 02:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to do the deed and she started popping zits on my chest. Then she said that I was killing the mood because my cat was meowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 990

You deserved it 267

Almost done

By Anonymous - 16/01/2020 05:00

Today, as I was trying to have some “self pleasure” time, my cat, WHO NEVER CUDDLES WITH ME, decides to come up and sit on my thigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 888

You deserved it 413

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 20:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 586

You deserved it 6 495

Vaporeon?

By me. - 07/05/2012 20:38 - Canada - Orillia

Spicy

Today, I got an inconvenient erection while at my girlfriends house, so I tried to think of something stupid to get rid of it. I tried thinking of Pokémon, which actually made me harder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 284

You deserved it 12 181

Next

Top comments

JohnnyKade 25

Saturday 25 July 2015 20:03

You must've beat that pussy up good...

euphoricness 28

Saturday 25 July 2015 20:05

I don't think thinking of pussy will help your cause.

Comments

TheLynx_fml 20

Saturday 24 October 2015 6:58

I've done the same thing

nixbling 10

Friday 1 January 2016 11:54

you could also just said you have to use the bathroom...

SmellyTaco 5

Thursday 7 January 2016 4:37

Does it really bother women when we get a boner when they lay their heads on our laps? I've often had a boner when they do that and they never seemed to mind.

thatonebikeguy21 5

Tuesday 9 August 2016 4:46

I have been on this website all day and this just takes the cake.

WarGod01 15

Monday 12 June 2017 6:24

the real question is, the age of the girl...

Keywords

Animals Cats Gross Health Relatable Poopoo peepee Parents Creepy Kids Scary Mental health Miscellaneous Cold weather Embarrassing Love Tinder Dating Cute Work Transportation Cops Awkward Crush Sports Teachers Education AITA Weddings Public freakouts Mother in law

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Today, my boss wanted to promote me to a managerial position. I declined the position, saying that I don't think I'm ready and experienced enough for that role. I was then fired instead for not accepting the promotion. I was fired for being honest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 729

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Okaeri! I hope you had a great week out in the cold (most of our southern hemisphere friends don't know what they're missing). Personally, since I discovered this website I couldn't have been better. This week we're welcoming an atypical artist sinc...

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The Top

Today, I felt comfortable enough to invite the guy I’ve been seeing over to my apartment for the first time. Things immediately got weird when he started to inspect my place top to bottom to make sure it was “clean to his standards”. I told him to leave when he started going in my closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 123

You deserved it 113

Today, while giving my fiancé a hand-job, my ring got stuck in his pubes. We had to awkwardly get to the kitchen to get scissors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 797

You deserved it 7 326

Today, I realized my girlfriend thinks that the goal of sex is to get it over with as quickly as possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 396

You deserved it 6 128

Today, while in bed with my boyfriend of 2 years, he mentioned what it would be like if he had sex with anyone other than me. I mentioned the same about him. He quickly yelled, "No, you're a woman. You are mine!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 932

You deserved it 5 887

Today, my mum wants me to see a psychologist because I've been acting strange lately. If by "strange" she means "not wanting to die any more", then sure. But thanks, I could've used that psychologist 3 years ago when I asked for one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 122

You deserved it 1 393

Today, I had my first kiss with the woman I've been in love with for two years. Right as I kissed her, some guys drove by in a car and threw some soggy spaghetti at me, yelling, "Noob!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 001

You deserved it 3 496