Health: Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen....

FML for mobile
Free

By ihatecats - 01/12/2009 07:05 - United States

Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 180

You deserved it 16 611

Father's Day: Daddy Chicken or Daddy Wet Hen?
Stories of extraordinary fathers, sometimes awkward but always hilarious. A family read! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 29/07/2013 21:18 - United States

Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 810

You deserved it 12 923

Worst enemy

By vitalcheese - 20/05/2009 19:12 - United States

Today, I was walking around my house without a shirt on after my shower. I picked up my cat and walked around the corner… Just as my dad turned on the vacuum. Now I have 6 rather deep bloody holes in my shoulder and chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 185

You deserved it 8 225

By Anonymous - 28/12/2018 06:00 - United States - Pittsford

Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 153

You deserved it 504

By ambushcat - 06/07/2012 03:31 - United States

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 518

You deserved it 28 648

By scratchpost - 28/10/2010 12:07 - United States

Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 939

You deserved it 4 624

By cdn_steed - 23/04/2011 13:11 - United States

Today, at 5:30 in the morning while I was fast asleep, my cat decided the most threatening thing in my apartment that absolutely needed to be attacked was my left nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 979

You deserved it 4 662

Furry feral friend

By Anonymous - 17/03/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, I'm covered in scratches because a feral cat found its way under the house and tore apart the A/C duct to climb its way into my room in the middle of the night. After 30 minutes of chasing it, I got rid of it, but my room now smells like cat piss and I'm applying Neosporin to places I should never have to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 83

Get back here!

By catgirl911 - 13/10/2009 01:44 - United States

Today, I woke up to see my cat crawling out my window onto the roof. Afraid he was going to jump to the ground, I crawled out my window as well. I caught him. The neighbors caught me in my underwear and bra yelling at my cat on the roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 195

You deserved it 25 168

By Anonymous - 14/01/2011 20:53 - United States

Today, while playing with my cat, she decided to give me a surprise nipple piercing with her claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 261

You deserved it 5 275

The great escape

By Anonymous - 16/02/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I was reading on my couch when I noticed my cat trying to escape out of an open window. I leapt up to stop her, but in my panic, I tripped over a coffee table leg, slammed my face into a wall, and knocked over a guitar. My cat, meanwhile, just sauntered down, and went off to the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 313

OHIOxRAIN 0

Tuesday 1 December 2009 16:27

now what did we learn from this? maybe stop playin with your "cat" in the nude

cthulhu1138 1

Tuesday 1 December 2009 16:28

I hear cabinets are nice places to keep dishes. Plus, the cats I know seldom knock things over. I've never met an evil cat in my life. In my experience, the people who call cats evil are the ones who harass them then complain when they get scratched.

Comments

xxreikoxx 31

Tuesday 2 March 2010 17:07

Wow. I've never read a sadder state for cat and owner; therefore, the question of who deserved what doesn't matter. While the OP should've had a shirt on, has it ever occurred to you geniuses out there that the OP decided not to disclose their gender for the sake of embarrassment? Either that, or they left the obvious clue of "nipple" indicating that they're a female and wanted the reader to figure it out on their own (seeing as how manly 'nipple' are called pecs). What's to imply that the dishes were piled-up on the counter as many of us think, and that the OP wasn't exaggerating? That part of their post seems a bit too cliched, like something you would find on a cartoon. OP, I'm sure you've learned something from this experience. Bravo for letting your cat hurt you for the sake of your precious dishes.