Intimacy: Today, I jokingly told my girlfriend that sperm kills acne,...

By fmylife7721 - 03/07/2011 05:51 - Canada

Today, I jokingly told my girlfriend that sperm kills acne, she laughed and said "so that's how you got rid of yours so fast" then continued to text all her friends and tell them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 849

You deserved it 47 808

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Freaked out

By Anonymous - 16/06/2020 02:02

Today, I was about to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my shirt off, she saw my chest acne. She ran out of my house and hasn't spoken to me in 5 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 149

You deserved it 262

By Anonymous - 14/10/2015 13:45 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I was talking with some friends and the girl I like. During a lull in the conversation, she looked at me and said, "Ugh, I really wanna pop your zits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 736

You deserved it 3 431

Freaked out

By allergyface - 16/12/2009 03:34 - Canada

Today, I was talking to my parents when all of a sudden my dad started freaking out and asking my mom how I got this really bad allergy on my face. My mom just laughed, and then I had to explain to him that it was just my acne. The worst part is that he was dead serious the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 612

You deserved it 2 483

By Disappointed - 04/10/2014 03:08

Today, my teenage daughter asked me to buy her the morning after pill, saying, "It's for my acne." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 802

You deserved it 5 127

By EpicFail - 11/01/2009 20:59 - United States

Today, a woman at the crowded mall stopped me and told me loudly that if I bought her product it would get rid of my acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 857

You deserved it 2 374

By Acne_problems - 22/02/2019 02:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to do the deed and she started popping zits on my chest. Then she said that I was killing the mood because my cat was meowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 993

You deserved it 268

By nybaby - 29/11/2010 21:17 - United States

Today, a little girl pointed to the acne on my face and said to her dad, "Look at how many mosquito bites she has on her face!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 458

You deserved it 3 938

By fuckmuppeter512 - 04/01/2014 22:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend. After only having sex once, where I wore a condom and didn't even get to come, she says that she's pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 872

You deserved it 8 703

By vegas-81 - 10/02/2014 03:39 - France

Today, I came home from a night out with the lads. My girlfriend refused to make love to me, saying my sperm were drunk and would raise hell in her uterus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 653

You deserved it 16 469

By collball22 - 22/08/2011 04:58 - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend and I said that I was self-conscious of my acne. He told me that only one of my zits was noticeable and that it wasn't so bad. In fact he said it looked cool, like a bullet wound or something "awesome" like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 418

You deserved it 5 409

JDFromSac 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 19:21

stop putting cum on your face then

iAmScrubs 19

Sunday 3 July 2011 19:22

At least you can start your own business now. Proactiv 2: Ingredients Unknown.

Comments

Quagmire_ladies 9

Monday 4 July 2011 2:27

well....that was a fail.. haha

Nukey 2

Monday 4 July 2011 2:39

Hey op, I would like to cure some of your acne.

ThanksKarma 0

Monday 4 July 2011 6:48

You forgot to put "No ****" after your comment. But if you get down like that it's all good, you can take turns killing each others acne.

sxe_beast 11

Monday 4 July 2011 3:19

I don't believe in the boogeyman either.

abby1029 8

Monday 4 July 2011 4:03

she wus probably joking ..

bill929 7

Monday 4 July 2011 4:13

haha you got shut down

iWantSprite 12

Monday 4 July 2011 4:47

Was that your way of getting her to allow you to **** on her face? If so, nice attempt but you fail.

JessikaJule 0

Monday 4 July 2011 5:05

baha you deserved that one!! :P

MaskedAspen 6

Monday 4 July 2011 5:09

even your girlfriend thinks you're gay.

neveragain234 1

Monday 4 July 2011 5:41

16 ftw

megz21 0

Monday 4 July 2011 5:53

173 - who cares no one asked

Keywords

Love Party Lonely Awkward ADHD Transportation Cars Ironic Vacation Work Mental health Miscellaneous Grandparents Accident Covid Health Kids Annoying Cute Shopping Coworkers Dogs Animals Photography Art Videos Exhausted Sex Intimacy Money

The Top

Today, for my birthday, my husband gave me a dress he stole from my wardrobe. It was the one I'd bought myself on my last birthday because he forgot to buy me anything, and gave me cash in a brown envelope. Not a birthday card, a brown envelope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 493

You deserved it 86

Today, I saw an e-mail notification for my husband regarding a flight to New York this Wednesday. Thanksgiving is on Thursday and we have no relatives in New York. When I asked him about it, he confessed that he’s gonna see a lady he met online and that he wants a divorce. I’m due to give birth next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 852

You deserved it 95

The Top

Today, I showed my best friend proof that her husband was sexually harassing me. Now she's refusing to talk to me, and I can't let my own husband out of my sight, for fear that he's going to murder the guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 134

Today, I had a customer tell me how much she regretted not aborting her expected child, how much she hates the father, and described to me in immense detail what it is like to pee while pregnant. All within the 30 seconds it took me to serve her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 978

You deserved it 3 307

Today, I went to work and said hi to my boss. He reached towards me. I thought he was trying to give me a hug, so I awkwardly hugged him back. Turned out he was just trying to fix my shirt collar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 188

You deserved it 4 486

Today, I had to present a project for my science class. I began explaining my project; looking at all the bored people, I got incredibly nervous. My nervousness then caused me to laugh hysterically, causing my classmates to laugh. My teacher felt sorry for me and told me to sit down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 742

You deserved it 4 261

Today, a woman I’d never met came to my door asking if my kids were ready to go. Obviously I refused to send my kids with a stranger. Apparently she’s my ex's new girlfriend and "has his permission" to come get my kids. Now he’s threatening to take me to court for violating the visitation order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 592

You deserved it 191

Today, I decided to be nice and "drop" a twenty in my grandma's house for her to find. She injured her back while picking it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 990

You deserved it 874

Same thing different taste

Freaked out

Freaked out

Top comments

Comments