By sirphilmckraken - 08/08/2014 17:30 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I let my coworker use my PC during lunch, because his was having problems. A few hours later, my boss called me into his office and gave me hell for apparently looking at furry porn during lunch break. He won't believe my explanation. For fuck's sake, Dave. FML
I agree, your life sucks 45 901
You deserved it 6 447

sirphilmckraken tells us more.

sirphilmckraken 4

OP here! I have yet to find a good way to get the tosser back for this so all suggestions welcome, ideally ones that my boss will not give me more shit for. Thats all I need on top of this! FYI, I did have a go at him but he shrugged it off and denied it. For ****'s sake Dave.

Top comments

Plug a wireless mouse into the back of his computer. jostle it occasionally so he thinks his mouse is on the Fritz. Slowly add pennies to his desk phone every night till it's really heavy then take them all out and watch him hit himself in the face. shift everything in his office/cubicle to the left a few inches and watch him go nuts trying to figure out what's wrong. Crush up melatonin into his coffee so instead of getting a caffeine jump his body tries to put him to sleep. (melatonin is a natural body produced sleep aid you can buy at any Walgreens)

find out what TV series he's currently watching and viciously spoil everything.

Comments

Damnit Dave this is the 3rd time this week.

Gravenmuir 18

Hell hath no furry like an employee porned.

an3ph 20
Gravenmuir 18

Haha, thanks. I'm glad you got the joke.

Ihavegas 22

we've all got a mate called dave in the uk. dave ewe anchor

Maybe you should have secondary account with parental controls for him to use next time

sirphilmckraken 4

OP here! I have yet to find a good way to get the tosser back for this so all suggestions welcome, ideally ones that my boss will not give me more shit for. Thats all I need on top of this! FYI, I did have a go at him but he shrugged it off and denied it. For ****'s sake Dave.

find out what TV series he's currently watching and viciously spoil everything.

also, in Scrubs they once pulled a light bulb out of someone's ass and plugged it into Bob Kelso's lamp. you should reflect on that.

I'd get pictures of him watching furry **** and distribute them around the office.

ArashiGirl 13

I'm thinking Ex-Lax in his coffee cup

tehdarkness 21

Today, I read an FML involving Furry ****. Guess what I'm checking out tonight. FML

Decorate his office, unicorn-style. Then snap Fotos, and make sure someone else stumbles upon it before he does. Wait until the third person starts telling people and tjen send the pictures to a couple of yoir coworkers. It will spread from there.

XTheDesertSongX 17

Get the URL, and send a email from his computer containing said URL pretending to send to himself for "later" send it to all the office members. Make sure they know it was Dave who they think sent the email.

Remove all of the vowel keys from his keyboard and continue to do so with every replacement he gets until he cracks and admits the truth?

Put a little something nasty in all his food and drinks, or a laxative in all his drinks. For an extended period of time, not just once!

Unscrew something on his chair so when he sits on it, it collapses

turtles4life 24

A lightbulb was pulled out of an asshole, intact? Jesus.

Plug a wireless mouse into the back of his computer. jostle it occasionally so he thinks his mouse is on the Fritz. Slowly add pennies to his desk phone every night till it's really heavy then take them all out and watch him hit himself in the face. shift everything in his office/cubicle to the left a few inches and watch him go nuts trying to figure out what's wrong. Crush up melatonin into his coffee so instead of getting a caffeine jump his body tries to put him to sleep. (melatonin is a natural body produced sleep aid you can buy at any Walgreens)

Or The Office classics: put his stapler in Jello and my ultimate fav: take away his desk and replace it with desk-shaped wrapping paper.

I have dozens more lmao, and my mother is Satan tyvm. Besides OP asked for suggestions on how to get his coworker back.

Sign his work email address up for every **** website you can find ;)

Does he look at his keyboard at all when he types? If so, rearrange the UIO keys to IOU and switch NM to MN. (You just pull them off with paper clips and pop them back in) I pulled this one on a coworker... Ut wurked numonemtally well ;) Seeing Google open to "can your keyboard get a virus?" was definitely victory!

Sorry to hear about all of the trouble Dave has caused you. A fantastic prank that I know of may do the trick, but be prepared to read: Basically, this prank is a program that you put in Dave's startup folder that repeatedly opens and closes his CD drive. It's nearly impossible to stop unless you know exactly what to look for. You can search on YouTube "CD drive prank" for a tutorial on how to code (more like copy/paste) the program, but instead of making the program look like internet explorer (only makes sense if you have seen the video), you can just drag it to his startup folder ("how to add program to startup folder"). Sorry this had to be so long, but it's a great way to mess with his head. Best of luck, OP!

everton99 16

Am I the only one who thinks this could be the next catchphrase?

is that u satan? jk I would do that but im 14

toxic_walrus 15

And here we have the future Jim Halperts of the world

VNP his computer so you can control it so you can look up furry **** on his computer

Go on happyhourvirus.com choose a video lock his mouse pad and keyboard and watch him get angry

i did this in a guys computer fot a few weeks disassemble is office and he couldn't find it http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/b278/?itm=customlabel0Geek_Toys_%7C_Office_Pranks_%26_Cube_Warfare&rkgid=1453728867&cpg=ogplaty1&source=google_toys&adpos=1o1&creative=45816577005&device=m&matchtype=&network=g&gclid=CjwKEAjwwdOhBRCG0fPrlfO1gGUSJAC1FmHXc7wIGIQuZOZ5s2b_4JeEKeawn1_WGX5YbCkM2c9fQhoC-6Xw_wcB

Get all of the hole punch holes (little tiny dots) and put them in his air con or fan. Then the next time he turns it on 'pooft' and the dots go everywhere. Same effect using bean bag balls. You could also tape an air horn to the bottom of his chair !

Llama_Face89 33

Rearrange the keys on his keyboard!

Well, a good one would be to catch him away from his computer, make sure he'll be busy for at least 15 minutes, in case you encounter any problems. At home, the day before, type up a long email from "Dave" that will be sent from his PC to the entire office (or as many coworkers as possible) expressing his obsession with furry **** (or anything other weird fetish). When he's away from his computer, send it. Make sure it is at least 3 pages, and goes into great detail.

xSLEEPYxHEADx 22

Put all of his work supplies (ie, stapler, name badge, etc) in gelatin.

There is one thing you can do. You can take a screenshot of his background and any shortcuts he has on it. Then, replace the background he has with the screenshot and delete all of his shortcuts. When he tries to click on one, nothing will happen. Or you could download a program onto his computer and replace a shortcut he uses often with it. This program should be disguised as the actual shortcut (Example: Replace Internet explorer with said program, and make the shortcut for the program have the Internet explorer icon, and name the shortcut Internet explorer.) said program should shut down the computer when he clicks on it. I don't remember exactly how to do it, but a quick google search on your part should fix that. Good luck, OP, and **** you Dave!

rockbandaddict85 22

seeing as it's close to Halloween I would rent or buy a full on furry suit costume in his size and have it delivered to him at work or could just bring it in yourself before he gets there and leave it hanging up in his cubicle for everyone to see, including the boss.

plug a small wireless keyboard into his computer and have the keyboard at your desk and at random type the most random thing you can think of it will drive him insane

if he uses Google chrome you could install the ncage extension. it replaces every picture on his browser with a picture of nicolaus cage

send an email from Dave'a PC to your boss recommending really twisted **** sites.

brendejafulable 41

Why don't you use all of the suggestions at the same time?

Buy him a t-shirt, try and trick him into putting it on before looking at it. Make sure it says "Proud Furry" or "Bronie" or something, then wait for the boss...

just take his laptop and use it , solved.

Ever heard of the febreeze and ziptie? Great prank if you have independent offices. Put a ziptie around a febreeze and pull and throw

Become great friends with IT. They can easily place, move, delete things off his computer, or launch Web pages while a certain boss is next to him.

Idk what you should do to him, but your FML totally made my day. lmao. Still sorry you got in trouble at work. That damn Dave deserves whatever you do to get him back.

Change some of his computer autocorrect words to dirty words. Like, when he types 'the' have it change to '*****.'

My personal favorite get some fireworks an 9 volt battery a switch and some wire that is to thin the handle the battery wire it so so that when he sits at his chair he presses the switch and activators the circuit. The wore gets hot lights the fuse and boom little water proof dynamite goes boom and you hope that he has that **** up on his computer when it goes off. If nothing else it may be enough that he admits it depending how badly you startle him

Don't do one of these that says to send out a link to furry **** as Dave. It's not subtle. And it could get you fired.

Thatguy334 7

Someone likes The Office! :-D *high five*

Love the office US I just started re watching it

Love the office US just watched it for the third time

missnuthin 10

Well, i think we all know now why Dave's computer has so many issues... maybe you should run a malware scan on yours?