Intimacy: Today, I'm still freshly circumcised. My penis is still very...

By Anonymous - 13/07/2012 23:14 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I'm still freshly circumcised. My penis is still very sensitive, and I can't squat to grab stuff off the floor because of the pressure against my jeans. Kicking the objects up into my hands was working well, that is until I spilled a pack of 300 toothpicks all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 997

You deserved it 7 882

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Same thing different taste

By S. - 26/08/2012 16:20 - Estonia

Today, I bought a pack of toothpicks. There were 500 of them. When I got home I accidentally dropped the pack. After twenty long minutes of picking them up, I dropped them again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 291

You deserved it 12 745

Ouch

By Jackmeister - 03/11/2018 03:00

Today, I jacked off in the shower using soap with scrubbing beads in it. My penis is so chaffed, it hurts to put on pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 348

You deserved it 7 361

By randm1 - 02/12/2009 19:09 - United States

Today, I went to the bathroom and used the urinal. When I was done, I closed my zipper on my foreskin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 117

You deserved it 8 725

By pantyripper - 24/03/2014 12:39 - Australia - Essendon

Today, I ripped my old, worn underwear while trying to pick a wedgie in public. Half ended up in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 312

You deserved it 21 673

Hot boy summer

By dumbassbuffet - 11/11/2011 15:53 - Canada

Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 748

You deserved it 84 094

By T3kM4n - 20/09/2016 06:08 - United States - Spokane

Today, I've been recovering for a week from my medically needed circumcision. I'm 30, and they advise you wear essentially a jock strap for the first week to help. It wasn't too bad until I went to take the thing off and it caught a stitch on my manhood. That's the most unique pain ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 922

You deserved it 1 247

By Bobby M - 16/05/2011 16:33 - Ireland

Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 528

You deserved it 10 688

By Anonymous - 30/10/2014 20:55 - United States - College Place

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 010

You deserved it 27 437

Sliced

By Anonymous - 18/04/2023 18:00

Today, I was in a rush to get ready for work so I quickly shaved my legs. In my haste, I accidentally nicked myself in a very sensitive area and had to spend the day simmering in discomfort and checking my crotch every so often to make I wasn't bleeding through my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 265

Newbie

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 18:18 - Singapore

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 617

You deserved it 7 746

Flyersfan54 4

Saturday 14 July 2012 5:47

It sucks when you get it done later in life.

airforce987 20

Saturday 14 July 2012 6:33

Somehow I doubt that 19

Comments

Shadomasta 5

Saturday 14 July 2012 18:42

Nope. They would just stay *right there*. Now we wait for an fml about someone who walked into a room and slipped on a floor covered in toothpicks and had to later pull splinters out from between their toes. It's THAT serious.

Schiffy 18

Saturday 14 July 2012 18:44

Glad someone did.

Jim9349 10

Saturday 14 July 2012 18:50

Why would you get a circumcision? Most of the reasons why are myths.

greeneye_fml 12

Saturday 14 July 2012 22:01

There are medical conditions where removal of the foreskin is necessary. Or maybe he converted to Judaism.

qr_fml 21

Saturday 14 July 2012 19:48

My ex did that when he was 24 years old and now he can't keep it hard. His dick is limp. I broke up with him

mattorama 15

Saturday 14 July 2012 20:09

Exactly what made you think that you should get part of your penis chopped off???

ibean 0

Saturday 14 July 2012 20:23

You poor dude!! My brother had to have it done at 21 because he got a bit of sand stuck in between the foreskin and head and I guess it shredded his penis and got all sorts of infected it was either get circumcised or loose his penis....he chose circumcision. Anyway, since I'm 9months pregnant with twins and couldn't bend over to save my life I just kick stuff into a pile for hubs to pick up later or under the couch so I don't have to look at it :) good luck with your poor weewee!

mowmowlife 21

Saturday 14 July 2012 21:24

I don't mind your decision but why on earth do you insist on wearing jeans? It's the middle of summer. Get yourself some basketball shorts and be done with it.