Why would they boot you out of the family tree for having a little sister? I at some level understand the jealousy about your birth-mother, as she is a potential (in their mind) threat to their status as parents, but how is the little sister a threat? I would think the little sister would be like an extra family-member, especially if she isn't older.

As I always say; being the spermproducer doesn't make you a father.

143 - It makes you a father, but it doesn't make you a dad.

my husband adopted my son after we were married and they act the same way as the other side of your family towards him (my son). they went as far as to try and convince him not to adopt the boy he'd been daddy to from the time he was a month old. he's 11 months now and calls them Nana and papa and I can tell it really bothers them which makes things hard on us too. try not to let them get to you. people suck sometimes. good luck op.

OP , I'm so happy that you were able to connect with your biological mother and learn about having a sister. Your mom and dad should be ashamed of themselves. They raised you, you give them credit for that, and they should know that no one will ever replace them. I was fortunate enough to learn my mom had given a sister, Becky, up when she was 18. My mom left the adoption paperwork open. When I was 16, my mom informed me of Becky, how she contacted my mom, and how she wanted to meet us all. We flew down and met her. I remember her parents were so welcoming and my mom kept thanking them for giving her first born the life that she deserved. That's why my mom did it in the first place. There are no ill feelings towards anyone and Becky loves that she is close to her parents and her biological mom. It's almost like a Lifetime movie. We are all close to Becky's family. We are so grateful and acknowledg how rare it is on how it all worked out. OP, from the bottom of my heart, I hope your parents come around. As backwards as this may sound, your parents need consoling in regards to their status in your life. When they realize where they stand, and I sincerely hope it is soon, they will be more supportive and embrace that you want to learn about your biological mom and sister.

Hey, it takes time for them as well... Specially for your mother, the person who raised and loved you. Just tell her, every day "I love you, mom", and see that it passes. Then explain the "I was just interested to see my biological mother".

Yeah, I know the feeling of "real mom" I blink at ppl usually and say my real mom is my momma. Always will be. If you're family is being so inconsiderate and insecure, maybe just step away from biological for a little bit, or hide it, and have a true heart to heart. You truly deserve that much and they definitely should give it to you.

I'm sorry your family is taking this so poorly. They should be supporting you, not discouraging you from finding out about where and who you came from. I am adopted as well so I understand the feeling of wanting to know who your birth parents are. Hopefully your family comes around soon.

they are trying to protect you. they don't wanna see you get hurt

You have every right to know. I'd be just as curious. Your family needs to understand it from your point of view.

I think if you wrote that down and showed your parents that, maybe they'd finally understand

Wow sounds like your family has some insecurities in it all. Did you at least find out why bio mom gave you up? One thing that I've heard before about adoptive or step-parent situation, like my own, is that I call my bio mom my 'egg donor'.

I'm kinship adopted so we never had this problem, but I so agree with you. My REAL mom raised me. My birth/biological mother have birth to me. Good luck! I'm glad you found your birth family. It's always good to know where you come from, even just for peace of mind. That's natural. The teenage foster kids I work with all want to find out when they can. Maybe look at some family counseling with your actual (adopted) parents so they can understand. Sometimes hearing it from a professional helps.

I have the same situation OP I call mine my "egg donor". They can't be mad at you for it though! You would always have questions about who's genes you came from and how much you look like or act like them. Just wanting to know the person is perfectly natural! I know I was always curious. I had to sit my family down and talk to them and explain to them that I was just more curious and not looking to replace them! And if they are as amazing as you make them sound for loving you as their own, then they will understand and respect your actions! Good luck & congrats on finding her! :D

OP you're cute. How would you like to be my baby's biological momma?

Just call her your birth giver

That really sucks OP. I recently saw a show about a girl in your same situation. She explained to her family that she wants to know about any kind of medical problems she might get as she gets older & to learn about her heritage & blood line. It really doesn't have to be about your family & they're wing really selfish by not even trying to understand where you're coming from. I'm sorry you have to deal with that, OP. But I'm also glad that you have a family that loves you & chose to have you as part of their family. I have a cousin that was adopted & he found out by one of his siblings saying "you're not a Bates! You're something else!" When he asked his mom, she said "we got to choose you. All these other knuckle heads, we just ha to take what God gave us." So it's good that you are glad to have them as your family because they got to choose you. I'm sure they'll eventually come around. As far as your dad's family not treating you like you're really part of the family, they suck. That's really not cool. If you grew up with these people as your family, they're your family. No matter if there's a blood relation or not!!

I know you feel I'm also looking for my birth momm and birth family since I'm adopted too

I'm adopted too. Never met my birth family, but like you, my REAL family is the one that raised me. I've told my family that I'd love to meet my birth parents some day, but that's all my birth parents are: the people who gave birth to me. They're not my REAL family and never will be, but I'd still like to know the people who're responsible for my existence.

Hope everything works out, if they consider themselves your family, they would be more understanding

My mother was adopted, and we recently got in contact with her birth mother. We always knew she was put up for adoption because her birth mother was a teenager when she was pregnant, and there was no doubt that we weren't trying to replace anyone, but we still haven't told my mother's adoptive parents, because they'd react the same way. I know how it feels, but in the end, if your parents can't accept that you want to know certain things, that's their loss.

When my baby cousin adopted a child instead of having one, people flipped shit. "She isn't going to be real family." "Why would you want someone else's mistake." Seems to me your family is being selfish.

I am sorry op, I guess they are really scared of loosing you. I dont agree with the way they do it, sounds like black mail. I am sure they will come around though. Hopefully by not hurting you anymore :-( As for your dad side the family... Thats just disgusting behavior. I can not have kids and plan to adopt if my family ever spoke that like to my kid, I would cut them off. I choose to adpot its not my childs fault. I hope your meeting your brith mum goes well. Good luck!

Hey OP, my mother was adopted, and her step-mother never accepted her, so when my grandpa passed away her entire side of the family closed all of us out. We grew up with their kids, we're there to celebrate every holiday, and they even would come out to see us. But b.c her step monster didn't like that my grandpa's late wife was the one to choose my mother, that she thought she didn't have to treat her like real family, and made all her siblings x her out early on. So when my grandpa passed, it was like she didn't exist. My mom didn't even get to say goodbye, b.c no one told her he was dying in the hospital!!! I hate my mothers step monster, and I would gladly punch the old bag in the throat. Thankfully, I have been exiled as well, so I don't have to deal with any of them. (Like I would anyway). My husband is also adopted, and his birth-mother contacted him. It really freaked him out, b.c she knew about me, where he worked, and such. She knew off of facebook, and even though he wanted to meet her, it's really put him off since then. His parents are completely accepting of him wanting to meet her, they don't talk about it, but they did tell him it's okay with them. They know he loves them, and sees them as his real parents. It's kinda crap that your parents are acting this way, it's only normal to want to know who gave birth to you. You want to know your health, and your story, but on the same side I do understand that it's very hard on them. They know you won't want to run off to be with her, but it's in the back of their minds. Give them time, it'll blow over. Also, to the side of your family that doesn't see you as "real" family. You're adopted, it's just like when someone gets married. They weren't your family, and now they are. They're stupid, and I completely sympathize with you, and understand what you're going through. It could be worse OP, and it could be better. But your birth-mother made the choice to give you a happier and better life, and it sounds like she's done that. She does have the right to meet you, she loved you enough to let go, and that's the hardest thing of all. You could be like my mother, her birth-mother hated my mom, and if abortion was legal back then, I wouldn't be here to write this ridiculously long comment, today. Keep your head up high, tell your parents you love them, spend time with your real mom (by real mom I do mean the lady that raised you, not the one that birthed you), and tell your dad that him and your mom could never be replaced.

Have you tried writing them a note explaining all this, or just showing this to them since they cut you off every time?

I know those feels. My Dad is adopted and while his parents always encouraged him to find his Biological Parents he never wanted to. I asked him why one day and his exact words were, "I only have one set of parents they are my parents whether they gave birth to me or not. There isn't any reason I would want to find someone who isn't my parent."

Sorry your family is being cunty... You have the sympathy of the majority of the Internet though, it seems, although that's not much in the way of consolation.

hey op I completely understand how you feel. I'm adopted as well and my parents are so scared of the same things they wont Even dare let me try to find them. not like o would even know where to begin. glad you were able to your answers answered!

I don't know if this will help at all but you can also tell your parents one of the reasons you felt like you needed to talk to your biological mom is to find out her medical history in case there were any medical issues in her family you needed to be aware of as you get older. There are a lot of genetic health issues out there that you need to know whether you might be prone to or not.

You should organize so that the three of them can meet and talk to each other! I don't know why but I feel like that could help... Good luck op :)

haha i'm a fuckstick

Maybe you could point out that it's not you that got pissy about you being adopted but your father's family.

Hi, OP, it may not be the sort of thing you usually do, but tell them that your non-biological parents are the ones you call mum and dad. Even if you have to shout at them to drill it into their skulls, remind them that they're the ones that will get your love, and that you're not going to replace them with your biological mother. Good luck, OP!

I wasn't even adopted and I get that treatment sometimes from my dads family since he was adopted. I always call my grandparents "gramma and grampa" but sometimes my grandma reminds me I'm not really her granddaughter. I'm technically her great niece. I realize there's others in the family they care more about than me and my sisters, and I've always known my dad was adopted, so it stopped bothering me a long time ago. I guess some people just can't handle adopted people well. It doesn't make much sense to me. I feel for you, OP. Keep on truckin'! Your parents will get over it. They're your real parents, after all. :)

My mom found her birth moms few years back. My siblings and I were loved by our cousins and grandparents but there was always that "adopted" word hanging around. It was weird meeting my biological family but they are not and never will be my "family". Sadly my biological Grandma died 2 months ago, so we are lucky my mom found her. Good for you for looking for her and shame on your family for not being supportive!

OP if your parents won't talk to you, write down all the great and positive things you're saying about them and about how you feel here in a letter to them. They may be avoiding talking to you to avoid getting hurt but if you leave it out there for them they may just get it.

Tara, this has to be the worst (best?) fml ever. I totally feel bad for you. Like, my heart literally sank when I was reading your comments. I'm on the other end of the spectrum from you, I don't know the circumstances of why your mom have you up, but I was born to two high school kids, I was conceived on prom night. I wish my parents would've given me up, in some ways, in other ways, I am so totally grateful they didn't. Anyways, what I'm trying to get at is, I wish you all the best in trying to sort this mess out. that's awful about your dad's family, I hope they understand that what they're doing to you hurts; it stays with you. But anyways, all I wanted to say is, I really do feel for you. What a terrible situation. I wish you all the best!

what you said about your adopted mom being your real mom, you should write that out as a note and put it somewhere where they can find it easy or just give it to them. I'm sure they would be thrilled to read that.

I'm sorry your parents aren't understanding. Of course you would never, COULD never replace those who nurtured your growth, but it is a natural curiosity to discover the genetics. I hope they come to their senses. Medical history can be very helpful in the future too!

Hey have really similar situations!! I've never been almost kidnapped though