Being adopted myself and also having traced and met my birth mother - I totally get the need to just understand "who" you might look like etc. additionally from a very practical point of view; as you get older you frequently get asked (doctors, opticians, etc) about family history of ailments (especially cancer for example) and not knowing pertinent medical history can prove a problem and its useful to know. I met my birth mother over 20 yrs ago and whilst I have a deep fondness for her, she's not my mum. Not the woman who raised me, comforted me and so on. I would sit down with your parents and try to explain where you are coming from. Maybe even suggest that one day you'd love to "show them off" as the people who chose you to woman who gave that chance to be your mum n dad. I was lucky. My mum n dad were very understanding. They always said that so long as I was honest about it and didn't hide my intentions from them, they'd support me. And they did. My mum wrote to birth mother to tell her about my childhood and what I was like growing up and they even met with her. I hope in the near future your parents can appreciate the need as an adoptee that you have Being adopted myself and also having traced and met my birth mother - I totally get the need to just understand "who" you might look like etc. additionally from a very practical point of view; as you get older you frequently get asked (doctors, opticians, etc) about family history of ailments (especially cancer for example) and not knowing pertinent medical history can prove a problem and its useful to know. I met my birth mother over 20 yrs ago and whilst I have a deep fondness for her, she's not my mum. Not the woman who raised me, comforted me and so on. I would sit down with your parents and try to explain where you are coming from. Maybe even suggest that one day you'd love to "show them off" as the people who chose you to woman who gave that chance to be your mum n dad. I was lucky. My mum n dad were very understanding. They always said that so long as I was honest about it and didn't hide my intentions from them, they'd support me. And they did. My mum wrote to birth mother to tell her about my childhood and what I was like growing up and they even met with her. I hope in the near future your parents can appreciate the need as an adoptee that you have and will accept your choices. and will accept your choices.

Oops sorry about the copy and paste edit error!!!

It's a shame they refuse to consider seeing the situation from your point of view. It's their own insecurities making them feel this way so don't let that stop you from having a relationship with your birth mother. It doesn't change your relationship with the people who raised you or mean you love them any less. If anything they should be grateful to her for having the courage to let you be raised by a loving family who gave you what she could not.

They are not thinking rationally because they are afraid. I bet deep down, their biggest fear is you suddenly wanting to live with your bio mom. To them, they did all the hard work of raising you and suddenly this woman is now in the picture that threatens their family unit (in your parents eyes at least) They may fear her influencing you negatively. And all the what ifs that could go wrong...after all, this woman is a complete stranger.

You speak very eloquently. Maybe take your parents to therapy. Just one session so you guys can have a person there to help you explain and to talk to them about their insecurities. I think it's great you went to see her. And finding out you have a sister is awesome. I just hope your parents come to understand because I think you should be able to have the freedom from guilt to do the things you need to do for yourself. Good luck my sweet. Continue to be strong.

My grandparents adopted two kids (my uncles) and had two kids themselves (my mom and my auntie). Even though my mom had two adopted brothers, she hated the fact that I am so close with my three half brothers. All four of us have a different mom. Now that I've had contact with my brothers for three or so years she's better with it. My father wasn't in any of our lives and still isn't, and I was raised by my mom and grandpa (the same grandpa who adopted two kids). It was tough when I started talking to my brothers, but it got better with time. Maybe the same will happen with you. At first she pretended they didn't exist and that I didn't talk to them, and she got very mad when I mentioned them.

I can see where your mom is coming from at least. Being a woman who's going to adopt. She was the one who cared for you when you were sick, took you to practice, and would give up everything because she loves you. She probably feels that didn't matter as much to you and replaced by the woman who had you up. Talk to her, ignore your siblings.

Your adoptive family sounds very immature and manipulative. Sorry to hear that. Happy to hear you didn't let that stop you from doing something which you felt strongly about.

I have the opposite problem. I have no real interest in finding bio parents and only a mild interest in finding bio siblings. My mom died 15 years ago and since then my dad has been the one pushing me to track them down. He's a cancer survivor and I think he is afraid I'll be left alone. I'm married and have kids of my own plus a large family I was adopted into, so it is a bit perplexing. OP, I read your responses. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and have a handle on something fraught with conflicting emotions. Give your adoptive family space and keep the lines of communication open. Bonne chance!

you should show her this post. you just declared to millions who've downloaded this app who your real parents are.