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By Anonymous - 05/05/2014 02:58 - United States - Mount Airy

Today, I once again had to tell one of my elderly patients not to grope me. He responded by throwing his bedpan at me. It was full. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 306

You deserved it 4 025

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By OhPleaseNo - 07/04/2020 14:00 - OhPleaseNo

Today, I was at work at my local hospital. I went to the toilet to empty my bladder; the door was half open so I assumed it was empty. Upon opening the door, I was greeted with a half naked old man, who then yelled at me and violently shat himself, all over the walls and floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 724

You deserved it 206

By Anonymous - 28/12/2018 16:00

Today, my violent geriatric patient was trying to escape the facility. When I intervened, she poked my belly then told me I was squishy and that I might explode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 377

You deserved it 275

By Celewyn - 04/10/2016 11:11 - Australia

Today, my patient knocked my glasses off as I assisted him in the shower. We both looked in terror as they fell into his unflushed toilet. This patient was isolated due to a contagious infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 092

You deserved it 1 032

By Anonymous - 28/05/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I was dealing with a psychiatric patient with a colonostomy bag. She got agitated and ripped the bag from her abdomen and threw it at my face. I got a bag filled with poop thrown at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 279

You deserved it 3 446

By CathyM - 27/09/2011 05:18 - United States

Today, I was in the ER where I work as a registrar. A patient received a plastic urinal to use in his room. Most patients throw them away when they leave. He, however, decided to take it with him, and as he checked out, put it on the registration counter. Two feet from my face. It was used. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 894

You deserved it 2 795

By ANON - 21/09/2016 14:09 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I visited my Aunt in hospital. Another patient got jealous, so she threw a tantrum. She threw things at us, pulled her drip out, threw herself to the floor, screamed, pounded the floor with her fists and pissed herself. My aunt is still waiting for a new room, and the staff blame me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 801

You deserved it 782

A saint

By Anonymous - 14/06/2020 20:07

Today, I'm taking care of my bedridden, 94-year-old grandma. She woke me up at 6 a.m. only to tell me her UTI is still there. Later, she made me interrupt my 15-minute-dinner a total of 4 times because she wanted things like "more lotion in her buttcrack." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 653

You deserved it 215

By FML - 12/11/2009 07:14 - United States

Today, I held a container while a patient tried to throw up in it. She missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 433

You deserved it 3 283

Just a prank, son!

By barface - 11/01/2012 02:52 - United States

Today, while very sick, throwing up in a bucket beside my bed, my dad came in pushed my face into the bucket. For a laugh, apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 865

You deserved it 2 815

No, not now!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Estonia - Tartu

Today, in a hardware store, I had to physically restrain my senile grandpa from trying to take a crap in one of the display toilets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 809

You deserved it 1 048

Next

Top comments

masturdad 11

Monday 5 May 2014 10:09

The fact he needs a bedpan shows that he's too old to grope anything

foxwasalamb 24

Monday 5 May 2014 10:09

he wants his action and wants it now dammit!

Comments

neonglostix 28

Monday 5 May 2014 10:58

I read "parents" instead of "patients" and it made this FML so much worse! 0.o

JME0058 8

Monday 5 May 2014 11:34

I'm sorry op. Sometimes being a cna sucks. Tonight I had one of my residents draw blood from my arm with her talon like nails.

stanley15 12

Monday 5 May 2014 11:52

Been there. it blows.

aruden 25

Monday 5 May 2014 12:30

aww the bright side of being old sexual assault and normal assault all this guy is missing is a few racist comments then the trifecta would be complete

Jakob2255 12

Monday 5 May 2014 12:40

next time tell the patient if they don't have 20's ready they need to stop

schhichick 14

Monday 5 May 2014 12:54

I would be pissed

DanielleinDC 33

Monday 5 May 2014 14:20

Problem patient here. You should let your supervisor know, if you haven't already. Hopefully they can rejigger the assignments so you don't have to deal with this creepy old GOMER.

PurelyCanadian 18

Monday 5 May 2014 16:58

Sounds like he was pissed off.

KingLewisII 34

Monday 5 May 2014 17:06

Seems like the old man modified the how to handle your problems like a dog, if you can't play with it or eat it (throw) pee on it then walk away.

darthpeaches 14

Monday 5 May 2014 18:24

The life of a nurse, lol. That's why I choose emergency medicine.

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The Top

Today, I was listening to a client's heartbeat with a stethoscope, when I noticed one of my hairs had fallen on her chest. I tried to brush it off, but it didn't move, so I went to pick it up with my fingers. That's when I found it it wasn't my hair, it was hers... and it was still attached. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 219

You deserved it 6 003

Today, every time I practice my synthesizer, without fail, my stepmom decides to make as much noise as humanly possible. Slamming doors, stomping around in her loudest heels, dropping weights, screaming, you name it. I can hear her through my noise cancelling headphones and I can’t focus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 166

The Top

Today, I thought it would be nice to take my obese dog for a walk, since she hasn't had one in a long time. She was doing great, until we were about a mile from our house. She plopped down on the ground and wouldn't move. Nobody was home so I had to carry her all the way back to our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 932

You deserved it 5 604

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be wise to joke that we needed to postpone our reunion for another week. We haven't seen each other for almost 4 months, due to events out of our control. He thinks he's funny. He'll get punched when we do see each other again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 1 224

Today, because I refused to shave off what my wife calls my "pedo 'stache", she painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 991

You deserved it 30 010

Today, I went to the hospital, which was super busy. I did a pee test when I first arrived. After 5 hours of waiting, they told me they'd lost my pee. How do you lose someone's piss? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 793

You deserved it 127

Today, I drove my drunk sister home after a wild night of partying. She did not go to bed as I expected; instead, she laid in the bathtub and cried every time I left her. Now it's 3AM, and she's using her bra as a lasso for various objects in the room. The best part is I work in 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 280

You deserved it 3 256

Today, as I was trying to have some “self pleasure” time, my cat, WHO NEVER CUDDLES WITH ME, decides to come up and sit on my thigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 897

You deserved it 417