Intimacy: Today, I picked up a prostitute. The prostitute was my sister,...

By Anonymous - 01/02/2012 15:01 - United States

Today, I picked up a prostitute. The prostitute was my sister, and I picked her up from jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 599

You deserved it 4 844

Back to school: Courses and confusion
When the campus comes back to life, anecdotes abound between the lecture halls and student parties! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Jailbird

By Donnie - 18/07/2019 06:00

Today, I picked up a prostitute. The prostitute was my sister, and I picked her up from jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 526

You deserved it 235

Whatcha do when they come for you?

By Anonymous - 22/01/2011 20:20 - United States

Today, my girlfriend called me to pick her up from jail. She'd been arrested for indecent exposure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 898

You deserved it 4 385

By Oops - 11/01/2018 20:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, while celebrating my birthday, my friends hired a few escorts to make the party more interesting. This was a really bad way to learn that my sister is a prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 768

You deserved it 936

Work name

By Van - 09/11/2019 05:00

Today, I found out the girl my husband's been calling "Sister" isn't actually his sister, but instead a hooker whose work name is "Sister". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 914

You deserved it 467

By Anonymous - 09/03/2010 07:47 - United States

Today, I was driving back home after hanging out with some friends. I drove pass a woman standing next to a broken down car. I felt bad, so went back and offered her a ride home. Turns out it wasn't her car and she was a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 331

You deserved it 4 607

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 14:31 - United States - Iowa Park

Today, I got mugged by a fake hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 730

You deserved it 8 314

By meegs - 17/10/2010 00:31 - Canada

Today, my sister asked me if she could go into my closet to borrow my favourite dress for a party she was going to tonight. When I asked her where she was going, she said to a Halloween costume party. My sister is going as a prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 025

You deserved it 31 770

By Username - 20/06/2011 15:57 - United States

Today, I had to pick my parents up from jail. They thought it would be okay to have sex behind a bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 676

You deserved it 4 261

By Anonymous - 27/06/2019 00:15 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend ran off with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 179

You deserved it 227

By Anonymous - 08/01/2016 18:23

Today, I bailed my brother out of jail for violating a restraining order filed against him by his ex. I dropped him off at the place he told me he was staying at. Turned out it was his ex's house, and now he's in jail again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 126

You deserved it 3 562

dcg_957 0

Wednesday 1 February 2012 18:48

Try explaining that story over thanksgiving dinner

ninjuh_wingman 29

Wednesday 1 February 2012 18:52

Your parents must be so proud.

Comments

ilove80smetal 8

Thursday 2 February 2012 17:58

"so kids, your aunt here is a *****. If your ever on Craigslist, try not to call her for a good time"

iameulogy 0

Thursday 2 February 2012 18:52

fyl but HELLO blackmail! Lol

Sc53504 3

Thursday 2 February 2012 22:10

Cool story bro.

red1355 6

Friday 3 February 2012 3:39

Nothing like keeping it in the family huh?? Lol oh, and the money too.....lol

awthmt 6

Friday 3 February 2012 4:19

At least you'd know who to call when you need a "special" time;)

VoidChild 1

Friday 3 February 2012 6:08

well now, isn't that kinky? ;)

jeinnor 0

Friday 3 February 2012 7:05

This is very sad

krazyd00d21 0

Saturday 4 February 2012 0:59

itll be a lovely family christmas dinner to share HA!

wlvandeberg 0

Saturday 4 February 2012 22:38

Doesn't matter, had sex!!!

LianLover 0

Sunday 5 February 2012 2:22

Wow… Im sorry I don't know what to say. You must feel awful.

Keywords

Break-ups Love Technology Geek Work Animals Cute Cats Facebook Grandparents Social Media Family Miscellaneous Relatable Music Scams Food Money Relationship advice Awkward Birthday Photography School Health Acting Parents Lonely Growing old Games Weird

The Top

Today, my girlfriend and I were on the road. She saw that I got an innocent text from a friend, Melissa. In a fit of jealous rage, she put the gear of my car to “P” causing the car behind me to rear end me. My bumper fell off. She told me, “Tell that bitch Melissa to take care of that.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 034

You deserved it 174

Today, I wet my pants at the grocery store. I didn't feel like I had to go until I was inside. The embarrassing thing (besides me being 37)? I actually made it to the store's public bathroom and made it to the toilet, but my belt was on so tightly that I had to undo it and it doesn't work like an ordinary belt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 294

The Top

Today, I was making breakfast with my parrot on my shoulder. He was excited about the food, and in his rush to climb down to the counter, bit through my nipple. I had to get stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 983

You deserved it 486

Today, I kept restarting my internet, wondering why I wasn't receiving any messages from my friends. Then I realized they were all ignoring me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 276

You deserved it 8 758

Today, I'm at the ER because my 13-year-old nephew ate an aromatic candle that smelled like chocolate. He saw it on my dresser and actually though it was chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 119

Today, after being fed up with my sarcastic, mouthy daughter, I decided to remove her TV from her room. I dropped it on my foot and broke two toes. She promptly said, "That's what you get." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 686

You deserved it 1 827

Today, I was cooking and I burned my thumb. I had some first-aid burn spray, so I sprayed it on. I went outside to smoke a cigarette, and when I flicked my lighter, my thumb went up in flames. Turns out that first-aid burn spray is flammable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 312

You deserved it 46 085

Today, my fiancé called off our engagement after I contested his belief that women stop having periods after they are married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 608

You deserved it 4 200

Same thing different taste

Jailbird

Whatcha do when they come for you?

Work name

Top comments

Comments