Miscellaneous: Today, I put my headphones on and laid down to relax to some... - FML

By I'm Not Dead Yet - 09/06/2014 19:37 - United States - Tucson

Today, I put my headphones on and laid down to relax to some music. I fell asleep, and woke up later to a police officer busting into my house. My neighbor had been knocking on my door, then looked through my window and saw me on my couch, and was convinced I'd died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 777

You deserved it 5 219

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Same thing different taste

DON'T MOVE!

By Miller_Time - 18/03/2009 18:45 - United States

Today, I woke up at three in the morning when two cops busted in the door to my apartment and a frantic voice on my cellphone saying "Sir? Sir? Are you all right? Sir?" Turns out I had been having a nightmare and dreamed I called 911. I actually did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 827

You deserved it 8 705

By ThatAintLogical - 18/12/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I slipped as I was about to take a shower, knocking myself out cold. I woke up to someone banging on my door. It was a cop checking to see if I was okay. When I asked how he knew to come, he said he was notified by "a male neighbor who called anonymously." I guess I have a peeping Tom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 204

You deserved it 2 546

It's just me

By Anonymous - 20/02/2020 01:00

Today, I stopped by my elderly mother’s house to drop off some groceries. I decided to clean the place while I was there, just to be nice. In true Three Bears fashion, I fell asleep on the couch. I was awoken by a police officer pointing his gun at me. My mom woke up and thought I was a burglar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 136

You deserved it 333

By Anonymous - 12/02/2016 00:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was cleaning, listening to music and sometimes singing along, I heard a knock on my front door. I turned off the music and opened the door to the police, who stated they had to investigate reports of "repeated female screams" coming from my apartment. I'm a 23 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 909

You deserved it 2 432

Lock your doors

By homealone - 14/12/2016 23:27 - United States - Poughkeepsie

Today, after a long day at work, I fell asleep in my living room. When I woke up, I saw a man leaving my bedroom wearing my pajamas, and I started screaming as he casually left. The cops came and apparently he's mentally ill. He truly believed it was his house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 312

You deserved it 559

It's alive!

By Anonymous - 29/10/2009 01:09 - United States

Today, I decided I'd take a nap in my car because I got to work very early. As I was waking up from my nap, I saw a cop looking right at me. Turns out, a lady who'd parked her car right next to mine after I was asleep had called the cops on me because she thought I was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 636

You deserved it 4 361

By FailedEngineer - 20/10/2009 21:31 - Australia

Today, I lost my house keys while staggering home drunk, so I decided to climb through an opened window and promptly went to bed. Twenty minutes later the police wake me up while attempting to search my place. The neighbors thought I was a burglar and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 272

You deserved it 35 661

By BedazzledAlpaca - 08/12/2014 05:03 - United States - Englewood

Today, I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to find that I had slept through my house getting robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 856

You deserved it 4 309

Exhausted

By FML - 24/07/2014 15:59 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I had a rough day and was extremely tired. I took a nap on the couch, and woke up to a guy robbing my house. I pretended I was still sleeping, waiting a chance to grab him or run out safely. I ended up falling back asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 535

You deserved it 24 310

By Ouch - 10/04/2011 08:55 - Canada

Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. I had my headphones in and was blasting my music. It was also cold so I had my hood up. I had my back turned to the house and wasn't paying attention. My brother thought I was a burglar and tackled me to the concrete. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 902

You deserved it 30 728

Next

Top comments

MattM95 16

Tuesday 10 June 2014 0:10

Look at the bright side OP, your neighbour cares about you enough to check if you're alive.

Adam5858 17

Tuesday 10 June 2014 0:10

At least someone cares enough to do that..even your neighbour!

Comments

iboard555 16

Saturday 14 June 2014 4:44

You've got some nosey neighbors!

mimiwallace24 1

Sunday 15 June 2014 19:55

Lol well at least u kno ur neighbors care about u!!

xluciferx666 21

Thursday 20 November 2014 22:08

Just be happy your neighbor cares about you if you were in trouble they could have just left you there until the smell alerted people to your demise

KxHoneyCombxP 24

Friday 17 July 2015 0:26

I love the Monte Python name reference. "I'm not dead yet."

Keywords

Miscellaneous Family Cats DIY Poopoo peepee Work Awkward Management Frustration Am I overreacting? Capitalism Relatable Coworkers Transportation ADHD Dogs Animals Dating Love Mental health Health Anxiety Technology Sleep Noise Roommate Clumsy AITA Confused Parents

The Top

Today, I asked a stranger for directions and then drove in the opposite direction they'd pointed to, all because my ADHD brain did that thing where I couldn't pay attention past their first instruction, which to me sounded like, "Take the first left, then the second right, then fla flafla fla flaflafla." FML

I agree, your life sucks 241

You deserved it 317

Today, while I was mid-act with my girlfriend, my mom unlocked my bedroom door and came in shaking maracas. She then handed them to my very shocked girlfriend and told her these were the "Busted maracas" and directed her to pass them along accordingly. Well, at least our first time was memorable… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 441

You deserved it 365

The Top

Today, I went on my fifth date with my new girlfriend. Apparently, she was in such a rush while leaving work that she forgot to take off her wedding ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 316

You deserved it 3 662

Today, I invited a bunch of friends over to hang out and watch a movie. It's been two hours since everyone was supposed to turn up, and no one has showed. Thanks, friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 856

You deserved it 150

Today, I had to email my professor, saying, "I can't go to the event assigned in place of class today, due to the mass shooter in the sewers." Gotta love living in the USA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 180

Today, I found out that after working in the same office for five years, I now work with three of my husband's ex-girlfriends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 333

You deserved it 3 323

Today, I fell off my boyfriend's motorcycle. I had a few scrapes and bruises, and my boyfriend called for an ambulance as a precaution. The paramedics managed to drop me on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 748

You deserved it 2 192

Today, I turned in an essay after staying up late to work on it. I was away when the teacher assigned it, so I'd asked my friend what the subject was. It transpires that she'd given me the wrong one, all because she was mad at me for not returning her pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 505

You deserved it 7 554