Intimacy: Today, I put the vacuum cleaner hose against my neck to give... - FML

By allalone - 14/07/2010 00:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, I put the vacuum cleaner hose against my neck to give me a hickey, so that it would look like I got some action. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 334

You deserved it 45 478

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Same thing different taste

By tkrause - 01/04/2013 17:17 - Canada - Nelson

Today, my boyfriend came over with a hickey on his neck. He thinks "The vacuum did it" is a believable excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 459

You deserved it 4 168

By hoovered - 04/03/2009 16:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to give me a "hickey" with a vacuum cleaner while I was passed out drunk. Not only do I have to try and explain this to my girlfriend, but we're meeting her parents for lunch this afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 067

You deserved it 22 461

By anonymous - 04/10/2017 20:51

Today, my boyfriend keeps trying to convince me that the hickey on his neck was from his friend attacking him with a vacuum cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 497

You deserved it 431

By IloveJapan - 02/04/2012 14:02 - Japan

Today, my boyfriend gave me a hickey. On my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 455

You deserved it 10 164

Played yourself

By nano123 - 17/04/2020 08:00

Spicy

Today, I gave myself a hickey on my bicep just to know how it feels. I'm a 28-year-old virgin and yes, that's possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 613

You deserved it 571

By nonymous human subject - 14/11/2015 20:02 - United States - Palo Alto

Today, I got to my human anatomy class with a hickey on my neck. Since I sit in the front row, my professor noticed and decided to call me to the front. He then started talking about ruptured blood vessels and hickeys, all while as I served as the subject. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 564

You deserved it 7 878

By Anonymous - 01/07/2013 18:03 - United States - Pleasantville

Today, I saw my girlfriend for the first time in weeks. She had a hickey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 443

You deserved it 6 298

By Kevin - 09/09/2011 12:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I wrote a fake phone number on my neck to make it look like someone had hit on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 202

You deserved it 42 946

I'M SORRY!

By Anonymous - 25/08/2023 04:00

Today, I got back at my boyfriend for sticking the hoover nozzle in my mouth as a prank by doing the exact same thing to him. Unfortunately, it must have burst a blood vessel in his lip because it swelled right up and his entire lower jaw on the right side is just one massive bruise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 364

You deserved it 596

Old dog, new tricks

By Anonymous - 06/09/2009 21:50 - United States

Today, my mom noticed the hickey that I have on my neck. Embarrassed, I tried convincing her that I burnt myself using a hair straightener. She then told me that that's the same excuse she told my grandma when she got a hickey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 919

You deserved it 47 011

Next

Top comments

milakitty21 0

Wednesday 14 July 2010 9:05

who were you trying to impress?

srunano 4

Wednesday 14 July 2010 9:04

Stop playing with your vacuum hose and go to a club or a party....then maybe you can get laid

Comments

xX_ericaaa 0

Thursday 15 July 2010 21:01

lol loooooser (;

S0_Fricken_CUtE 0

Thursday 15 July 2010 21:36

I feel ya bro. Those who are sayin to just go out there you.. you just dont understand that some of us have been heart broken by girls and just cant go out and get action anymore. Be a little more sensitive

JustJess666 0

Friday 16 July 2010 4:44

then don't stoop this low to try and look like a douche bag with a hickey. they don't make you cool!

xXxbiancaxXx 0

Thursday 15 July 2010 21:55

ha me and my friend laughed fir three minutes straight when we read this and .... fail... nuff said

trey777 0

Friday 16 July 2010 1:23

HAHA you need to get a BF/GF or whatever ur into just you need to get out XD

Kylieerawrous 1

Friday 16 July 2010 1:34

I am not sure if this is true but my mom works in an OBGYN office so I am pretty sure it is. But she said that Hickeys causes CANCER because they damage blood vessels... Also like what everyone else says is that it is pretty stupid that you are trying to 'get some action.' And I'm a fifteen year old girl whose never dated AND I would NEVER sink that low.. if you know what I mean... its just stupid. I'm not calling you a loser or stupid its just please don't try it again..

jdfml90 0

Friday 16 July 2010 2:03

Shut up. Put up. Give up. OR Go out.

JustJess666 0

Friday 16 July 2010 4:41

first of all I feel sorry for the poor innocent molested vacuum. it's probably shivering in a corner some where crying itself to sleep. and why the **** are you that desperate to do that?? **** there are plenty of whorey loose women who are drunk and desperate enough to do that for you.... get out more you ****** deserve it for being pathetic!

Peytonlikesme 0

Friday 16 July 2010 4:56

Baby I'll giv ya some action!! Jk!! Unlike u i hav a bf who gives me a LOT of action!! HAHAHA!! U suck

JustJess666 0

Friday 16 July 2010 5:50

omg I love your pic... jack Nicholson all the way dude!! sorry that has nothing to do with mr. desperate virgins story lol

upintheorange 5

Friday 16 July 2010 7:54

gives a new meaning to the term "funbags."

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I agree, your life sucks 624

You deserved it 184

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I agree, your life sucks 1 186

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I agree, your life sucks 1 183

You deserved it 363

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I agree, your life sucks 32 550

You deserved it 2 865

Today, I was in the store when a man started chatting me up. He was good looking and charming. He asked, “So, what are you, 22-23?” I saw him visibly recoil in disgust when I told him my real age. I’m only 35, he was about 50, but he acted like he couldn’t runaway fast enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 94

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I agree, your life sucks 1 183

You deserved it 146

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I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 1 641