Miscellaneous: Today, I ran to a public bathroom because of explosive diarrhea....

By highleyj - 01/04/2009 08:16 - United States

Today, I ran to a public bathroom because of explosive diarrhea. In the middle of it, I noticed there was no more toilet paper nor paper towels remaining. The smallest bill in my wallet was a 5. I had to pay 10 dollars to wipe my own butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 277

You deserved it 19 932

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 04/04/2011 05:26

Today, I had diarrhea in a public bathroom. When I was finished, I noticed that someone had pissed all over the toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 436

You deserved it 4 697

Shit for brains

By Anonymous - 31/10/2023 15:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, in desperate need of a shit, I quickly ran into a shop to buy toilet paper. I rushed home and unleashed, only to realise I'd bought paper towels. Without options, I had to wipe my ass with them and consequently blocked the toilet. I found rolls of toilet paper while looking for the plunger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 653

TW: Gross

By sweet_stufz - 11/11/2010 13:30 - Canada

Today, I was in a public washroom and I had to take a dump. I knew how dirty the toilets were, so tried to do the "stand and poo." Unfortunately, I slipped and the poo fell on the ground. Then I realized there were no paper towels. There was a line outside waiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 651

You deserved it 38 899

By Anonymous - 31/12/2013 18:22 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I was at work alone with a stomach bug. For some reason, our bathroom was out of toilet paper, so I had to quickly run to the nearest store to buy more, only to shit my pants midway there. I'm pretty sure the cashier knew exactly what had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 190

You deserved it 4 208

By Crap - 30/07/2015 00:57 - United States - Seminole

Today, I had horrible diarrhea at work. When I felt the bubbling, I ran to the bathroom. An agonizing bowel movement later, I realized that there was no toilet paper in the stall. Just as I was about to ask a coworker who was in the bathroom for some, the fire alarm went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 178

You deserved it 1 709

By penguinsfan - 16/05/2009 14:47 - Canada

Today, I had to pee badly. I went into a stall and sat down. Only until after I'd peed, I realized that I didn't have any toilet paper. I waddled to the next stall with my pants down to get more toilet paper, believing that the bathroom was empty. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 128

You deserved it 53 796

By Anonymous - 30/09/2013 10:30 - United States - Shreveport

Today, I was in a public bathroom with the runs when I noticed my stall didn't have any toilet paper. I was the only one in the bathroom, and I thought I could make it to the stall next to me and grab some with my pants down. I wasn't actually the only one in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 606

You deserved it 9 156

By Anonymous - 19/01/2011 05:45 - United States

Today, I was going to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. I had awful diarrhea and was almost done, when I noticed a spider on the ground. Being terrified, I took a giant ball of toilet paper to kill it. I realized then that I had no toilet paper left to use. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 714

You deserved it 35 128

By Oh dear - 05/07/2012 22:15 - Saint Vincent and the Grenadines - Kingstown

Today, I was taking a dump at a public restroom. As I reached over to grab the toilet paper, I realized someone had peed on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 619

You deserved it 2 732

Leaked

By Morgan Bailey - 18/09/2018 14:00

Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 743

You deserved it 893

amykillswitch 0

Wednesday 1 April 2009 20:04

why would you use money. take your underwear off and use those. then throw them in the garbage. so what if you lose a pair of undies and have to go commando all day? at least you would have had money to go buy some more.

McButterpants 0

Wednesday 1 April 2009 20:03

I prefer to wipe with hundreds but that's me..

Comments

imgangstayo420 0

Wednesday 1 April 2009 20:17

It's probably a single bathroom with no stalls... But in that situation I would have used a sock. I can stand walking around without a sock all day...but using a dollar bill just seems like it wouldnt clean up properly. YDI for not thinking of a better wiping method.

mf_fml 0

Wednesday 1 April 2009 20:21

what's good, rockefeller!

Tehalon 0

Wednesday 1 April 2009 20:22

Gratz on only having to use 2 bills!

DeeJayD 0

Wednesday 1 April 2009 20:24

You could use your underwear, like others have said, even your hand. I mean, it's unpleasant, but you can wash your hands. You can't wash $5 bills.

Courtney_Sanders 6

Friday 9 December 2011 16:54

Actually, you can wash money. I don't see why you wouldn't be able to. But using your hand is disgusting. What happens when he has to pull up his pants? He'd get shit all over himself. I definitely agree with a few of the other posts. Using a sock or your underwear sounds like the best choice.

chapmmel 0

Wednesday 1 April 2009 20:24

Good for you in trying to think of something to use. I would have no idea!

thatguy0602 0

Wednesday 1 April 2009 20:25

Ask Larry Craig for some toilet paper. He's in the next stall. And that's his foot tapping yours...

emodude44 0

Tuesday 18 October 2011 23:38

I killed Larry Craig with a harpoon and a car battery.

randomcomment321 0

Wednesday 1 April 2009 20:25

wow, thats a smart way to use your money. id have to agree with the others, use something less valuable.

ammali 0

Wednesday 1 April 2009 20:26

No way man... that's when you sit there and wait for someone else to come in and then ask them to pass you some TP. And jack up a bitch if they pull that whole "I can't spare a square" business.