Intimacy: Today, I realized how out of shape I am, when I couldn't finish...

By RyanM - 13/02/2011 09:01 - Canada

Today, I realized how out of shape I am, when I couldn't finish masturbating because I ran out of breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 987

You deserved it 64 715

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Keep fit!

By anonymous - 13/04/2020 02:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were on the phone. She heard I was out of breath and asked me, "Are you okay?" I didn't have the heart to tell her that she'd caught me masturbating, and I'm so out of shape it sounded like I'd ran a marathon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 371

You deserved it 1 677

By Jack Shart Jr. - 08/07/2015 15:16 - United States

Today, I'm so out of shape that I got winded from getting out of bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 064

You deserved it 18 032

Out of shape

By Anonymous - 28/06/2022 02:00

Today, I’m now so unfit, I had to stop halfway through sex with my wife to catch my breath, and in the end we just gave up, as clearly neither of us was having an orgasm today. I don’t get it, I weigh exactly 11 stone and exercise regularly, but I have no stamina and shit lungs. I hate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 278

You deserved it 348

Fresh and not Fit

By Anonymous - 14/06/2011 01:08 - United States

Today, I ran out of breath while mowing the lawn. I was on a riding lawn mower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 817

You deserved it 54 644

Take it easy

By Endrit Begolli - 27/06/2023 00:02 - Albania

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in months. I was so out of shape that I couldn't even finish my warm-up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 248

Wanking to death

By Anonymous - 30/11/2013 00:17 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, I was rubbing one out in the shower. I guess I got a little too excited, because as I came close to climaxing, I had a serious asthma attack and had to wheeze for help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 752

You deserved it 12 427

Health is overrated

By Anonymous - 16/03/2022 12:00

Today, trying to get into shape because I run out of breath after walking more than 30 minutes, I started to hit the gym. Too bad my legs didn’t want to cooperate and decided that it would cause limping-worthy pain for every step I took on the treadmill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 190

By Anonymous - 29/10/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I went running for the first time in a few months. I had what I thought was an asthma attack. When I got home, I realized that it was not asthma, but instead I have gained so much weight that my running bra restricted my breathing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 632

You deserved it 31 328

Getting on

By Anonymous - 01/05/2021 23:00

Today, I realized that I’m old, and that it’s been too long since I had sex or even masturbated. How did I notice? Because I tried to, and I found out I couldn’t comfortably spread my legs that far anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 066

You deserved it 288

Knackered and shattered

By Out of Shape - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Egypt

Today, I decided to start exercising. I almost passed out five minutes into the warm up, and couldn't even stand in the shower afterwards. I'm only 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 125

You deserved it 35 886

DJR_fml 2

Sunday 13 February 2011 16:22

did you know 5 out of 5 guys. **********.. :O

Raddaya 3

Sunday 13 February 2011 16:26

Sir, this is the funniest FML I have ever seen. Thank you for making my day. As a reward, I bless you that you will succesfully **********.

Comments

ryno2004 1

Sunday 13 February 2011 17:13

wow... just... wow...

jbtheone_fml 5

Sunday 13 February 2011 17:16

haha, ummm "Loser" brought to a new definition.

XxPurplePandaxX 0

Sunday 13 February 2011 17:19

lazy person. GO TO THE GYM!

Trupe 3

Sunday 13 February 2011 17:25

haha this reminds me of those old exercise infomercials. "stroke it, stroke it, stroke it, feel the burn"

newjerseyguy 0

Sunday 13 February 2011 17:25

well if your running out of breath while jerking off then your never gonna be able to please a woman.

MLuckyCapoeirist 6

Sunday 13 February 2011 17:56

He will date a girl that runs out of breath while screaming :D

newjerseyguy 0

Sunday 13 February 2011 22:55

#69 if he runs out of breath while jerking off what makes you think he has anywhere near enough stamina to bring a woman to ******? lol

sourgirl101 28

Sunday 13 February 2011 17:33

Blue balls!!!

Zmeilerr 22

Sunday 13 February 2011 17:39

Blue waffle!

Zmeilerr 22

Sunday 13 February 2011 17:39

Blue waffle!

sourgirl101 28

Sunday 13 February 2011 17:49

Shame on you, Z! Putting that nasty thought in my head!

6sick6 4

Sunday 13 February 2011 18:45

Blue waffle and fried rice!

krystal2424 0

Sunday 13 February 2011 17:33

imagin actully having sex. you'd probably kill over.

Cass3m0 0

Monday 14 February 2011 2:11

Kill or keel?

SpankyMcThrust 6

Sunday 13 February 2011 17:35

Chubby chaser? I think so...

fuckanshit 0

Sunday 13 February 2011 17:38

y would u post tht

meowmeowwkitty 0

Monday 14 February 2011 4:51

IT'S CALLED FML for a reason you idiot.

stevenmx86 7

Sunday 13 February 2011 17:43

That's disgusting

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Love Embarrassing Miscellaneous Romantic Christmas Break-ups Annoying Money Gross Argument Ironic Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Lonely Holidays Relatable Work Bosses Capitalism Cars You're fired Health Covid Cheating Jealousy Kids Parenting

The Top

Today, my wife upset herself by ringing my best friend to see if he would lie about where I was, and he did. Now my wife thinks I get my friends to lie for me to cover up my cheating. I’ve never once cheated. This feels like the next level up from cheating on her in her dreams, because she's crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 135

Today, I followed my daughter and found out she wasn’t with friends, she was on a date. I confronted her about the lie, but she takes after her mother, a lawyer, and steamrollered over me about invading her privacy, so even though she lied, she somehow has the moral high ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 568

You deserved it 2 714

The Top

Today, I announced to my boyfriend of 5 years that I was pregnant. He gave me an ultimatum. Either I "get rid of it" because he’s "not ready to be a dad" or he’ll "put me out on the streets." I’m unemployed and have nowhere to go if I keep it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 439

You deserved it 396

Today, I was feeling terrible and posted on Facebook about how I was stressed out and feeling really lonely. My sister replied saying "#fatfuckproblems". 13 people liked it and some so-called friends posted stuff like "rekt" and "SLAYED, bitch!", all in less than a minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 494

You deserved it 4 611

Today, I attempted to be nice and hold a door open for a person in a wheelchair. He hit the button to open another door. While I pointed out that I would hold the door for him, I realized that the door I was holding open for him led down some stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 751

You deserved it 36 063

Today, after stressing all week about important phone calls, they all went as horrible as possible. My anxiety was right all along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 169

Today, I learnt that nail polish remover is, in fact, VERY flammable. And I learnt it the hard way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 901

You deserved it 43 250

Today, I had to pick my parents up from the hospital and drive them back home, after they were treated for eating large amounts of cheese that my dad claimed to have "aged" for several years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 490

You deserved it 1 626

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Comments