Intimacy: Today, I realized that I'm a sleepwalker and for the past week,...

By chacha - 28/11/2009 18:11 - United States

Today, I realized that I'm a sleepwalker and for the past week, that dream where I was giving my roommate a blowjob was real. He just pretended it never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 552

You deserved it 5 532

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

Twisted

By sleepwalker - 22/11/2009 01:33 - United States

Today, I woke up in my roommate's bed. Apparently, the previous night I sleep-walked into her room, layed on her bed, and fell asleep. In the middle of her and her boyfriend having sex. He's now going around saying he slept with both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 776

You deserved it 4 725

By Anonymous - 17/01/2016 18:41 - United States - Valparaiso

Today, I was having a wet dream and had a pretty vivid imagination. I ended up thrusting so hard that it showed up in reality. I literally humped so hard that I woke myself up. Not only that, but I was sleeping on the living room floor so my roommates saw and now it's their joke of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 711

You deserved it 3 993

Poor pillow

By Randy Candy - 12/02/2021 17:01 - United States

Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 304

You deserved it 280

Fart are funny, period

By amg85904 - 30/01/2009 00:13 - United States

Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 906

You deserved it 6 602

By Light Sleeper - 14/10/2012 04:24 - United States - Evansville

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 037

You deserved it 4 496

By Anonymous - 21/11/2015 10:03 - United States - Norwalk

Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 045

You deserved it 2 323

By Sleep Walking - 23/01/2009 18:51 - United States

Today, I found out that after drunkenly falling asleep at a guy's house, I not only slept-walked in his house, but I went upstairs into his parents room. And used their bathroom. I don't remember any of this, but his mom does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 898

You deserved it 9 226

By ihateeverything - 14/01/2015 17:35 - United States - Granbury

Today, I dreamed that I cheated on my boyfriend. I was so overwhelmed with guilt that I called him while half-asleep to tell him about it and apologize. I'm fully awake now and he doesn't believe it was really a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 528

You deserved it 8 472

Stop, please stop

By yuck - 05/06/2015 19:11

Today, I found out that what I thought was my brother gasping and groaning in his dreams most nights is actually him jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 439

You deserved it 4 202

By Arizonagirl - 06/11/2016 07:31 - United States

Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed, because apparently hers is "for sleeping only". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 318

You deserved it 840

facefirst 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 23:06

That blows.

mykehawke 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 23:07

you can be my roommate anytime 

Comments

ForestFire0 1

Sunday 29 November 2009 1:55

It is very creepy that he did not tell you this.

stuckonarock 0

Sunday 29 November 2009 2:00

wanna be my room mate :)

benshady 0

Sunday 29 November 2009 2:16

haha that's the funniest FML I've seen all day LMFAO!

Starfire22 5

Sunday 29 November 2009 2:26

How did you find out?

Brandosyn 0

Sunday 29 November 2009 7:45

@ 29 OP probably woke up with a spunky taste in his/her mouth.

morgan020 0

Sunday 29 November 2009 4:01

that's awesome. so how did u find out?

Bebeluz2010 0

Sunday 29 November 2009 5:20

r u a guy or girl??

azhein 0

Monday 10 May 2010 14:36

why do you ask questions like that I have never seen the op get back on and answer the questions

katjafro 3

Wednesday 3 August 2011 9:06

I have...

DameGreyWulf 0

Sunday 29 November 2009 6:23

Are you male or female? ... I just wanted to be included :c

i_is_a_tr00l 0

Sunday 29 November 2009 6:31

I bet it's a HERMIE!

Ninjaface 0

Sunday 29 November 2009 7:52

Wow, I bet that dream where your professor duct taped you to the bed and started ramming you is even more awkward in retrospect!

thirdbase1733 0

Monday 29 March 2010 4:27

win

almostalbino 10

Thursday 9 June 2011 2:07

You are cool. Period.

perdix 29

Sunday 29 November 2009 8:44

If I were the roommate, I'd keep my mouth shut and my pajamas open.

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Love Embarrassing Miscellaneous Romantic Christmas Break-ups Annoying Money Gross Ironic Argument Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Lonely Holidays Relatable Bosses Capitalism Work Cars You're fired Covid Health Jealousy Cheating Kids Parenting

The Top

Today, my girlfriend was on top in reverse cowgirl. After she orgasmed, all I heard was, "Oh fuck" and she clenched her butt to try stop, but it was too late, she shot diarrhoea up my stomach, chest and neck. The only reason I didn’t get any in my mouth was because it all got caught in my beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 079

You deserved it 410

Today, I was on my way home from a friend's house. I called home ahead of time to let my parents know I was on my way. My dad picked up and in a panting voice said, "Now isn't a good time, drive around the block for 15 minutes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 075

You deserved it 6 726

The Top

Today, I went on a first date with a guy. He told me his wife had filed for divorce this morning (I had no idea he had ever been married) and then he sent me the e-receipt for my nachos along with his Venmo handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 844

You deserved it 142

Today, I'm lying in a hospital bed with two broken leg bones, a reattached tendon, and four screws holding my leg together. Why? Because I wanted chocolate milk and some asshat didn't see me walking across the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 976

You deserved it 528

Today, I tried really hard for once on an assignment. I was told it was my worst work yet and that I may as well have turned nothing in at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 828

You deserved it 2 217

Today, I was late to a lecture when I tripped up the stairs. With a few hundred people already staring and laughing at me, I started to curtsy to my "adoring fans" but instead fell backwards down the massive flight of stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 144

You deserved it 12 690

I agree, your life sucks 30 898

You deserved it 9 226

Today, I overheard a waitress calling me a cheapskate because I left a $2 tip on a $9 tab. When I told her she was ungrateful, rude, and unprofessional, she burst into tears and told the manager I’d threatened her. I was then banned from the restaurant, all while the little twat smirked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 015

You deserved it 238