Intimacy: Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked,...

By not a dick-man - 12/08/2014 17:05 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 734

You deserved it 31 571

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Same thing different taste

By sammy18f - 24/02/2015 03:46 - United States - Brentwood

Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 116

You deserved it 3 784

By menerethrr - 05/02/2009 15:39 - United States

Today, I sent my best friend Mike the link to a porn site we were talking about at a party. Turns out the name "Mom" is right next to "Mike" in my contacts list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 959

You deserved it 53 371

Early learner

By Michele - 18/01/2010 00:32 - United States

Today, while babysitting a six year-old boy, he asked me if I could show him my "boobies." I said no, that wouldn't be very appropriate. Suddenly, he pulled down his undies and pointed at his package while exclaiming, "Look, my penis is on again!" It was pointing RIGHT at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 605

You deserved it 4 057

By chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 499

You deserved it 11 071

Hey you

By pappy - 03/05/2019 13:00 - United States - Lees Summit

Today, my friend asked me if I flirted with any girls during our shift. I said, "No, not any I could think of." He then told me there was a note on my windshield that said, "Call me" with a phone number on it. After my shift, I went to my car excited and read the note. It was just a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 961

You deserved it 317

By betchyo - 01/10/2009 06:10 - United States

Today, I was talking to my best friend. After admitting to me that he's gay, I gave him a hug for support and comfort, feeling his erection on my upper thigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 814

You deserved it 5 518

By notgay - 12/02/2013 02:30 - United States - Alfred

Today, I was walking with my friend. The girl in front of us had a really nice ass, so I turned to my friend and said, "Damn, she has a perfect ass." He replied, "That's a guy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 535

You deserved it 39 026

By what - 25/09/2013 14:42 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I asked my boyfriend about his views on personal growth. He replied, "What, you mean dick size?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 929

You deserved it 8 832

By Thanks dicks - 07/09/2018 06:00

Today, I got naked in front of a girl for the first time. Too bad it happened when my "friends" pulled down my swimsuit at a party. Everyone saw my penis. I got a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 754

You deserved it 378

Great chat!

By eric - 16/03/2011 07:31 - United States

Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 236

You deserved it 96 457

powelale0000 19

Tuesday 12 August 2014 22:50

He probably thinks you're a dick now.

wopchop12 8

Tuesday 12 August 2014 22:51

Why was his dick hanging out?

Comments

skittyskatbrat 19

Wednesday 13 August 2014 0:28

at least it didn't poke you back...

twodotgirl 8

Wednesday 13 August 2014 0:32

wow Lol that sucks for you

FMLGUY254 1

Wednesday 13 August 2014 0:35

Never touch a mans bulge.

Futacy 29

Wednesday 13 August 2014 0:41

Jesus, what did you think it was, his lucky screwdriver?

Saraishi 24

Wednesday 13 August 2014 1:22

Damn it, Mike.

ulissey_fml 22

Wednesday 13 August 2014 1:41

You had me puzzled for a while, I wondered how Mick turned out to be a dike.

SexyMexi21 23

Wednesday 13 August 2014 3:03

ahahaha.... it's not Facebook in the real world.. you can't go around poking people or things or people's things

thattunaguy 6

Wednesday 13 August 2014 3:40

Wtf did u think it was? Candy?

RedPillSucks 31

Wednesday 13 August 2014 5:57

Hard candy. He wanted to suck on it till it was gone.

slimblack 26

Wednesday 13 August 2014 3:51

Hmmm what did you think it was? An umbrella? A giraffe?

luststarrr 22

Wednesday 13 August 2014 4:24

I'm going to hazard a guess that skinny jeans were involved in the making of this FML.

Keywords

Cheating Love Relatable Work Money My ex Jealousy Accident Health Medication ADHD Snow Weather Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts

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I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 18

Nooooo, I'm not interviewing Candy Staton, and nooooo I'm not going to talk about the Avengers but guys this isn't 9gag so let me introduce you to the fresh new artist we're welcoming today! She's a lovely lady who lives in Vancouver and she's the au...

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Today, I was finally allowed some time to get my game on. When I attempted to log in, I was given an error message. The game servers were down. Estimated time back up was, "sometime later this week". I was unable to get my game on, and had to do chores instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 329

Today, I got back from a romantic vacation at a fancy hotel with my boyfriend of 6 months. After a steamy love session, I confessed that I was in love with him. Later, when I got out of the shower, all his stuff was gone and I was stuck with the entire week's hotel cost and no ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 893

You deserved it 6 744

Today, my 97-pound pitbull wagged and chased his tail while I was being mugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 708

You deserved it 3 825

Today, I was at Walmart and had to use the bathroom. I sat down and farted real loud. I didn't realize someone was in there with me until I heard a voice say, "Dude, that was a good one." It was a man's voice. I then realized I was in the men's restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 039

You deserved it 13 625

Today, I went into a gynecology appointment to find out my IUD had apparently fallen out without me knowing. What tipped me off? My pregnancy test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 785

You deserved it 317

Today, my mom confessed to loving my "little sister" more than she loves me. My "little sister" is the family dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 693

You deserved it 3 975

Same thing different taste

Early learner

Hey you

Great chat!

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