Kids: Today, I showed my son the old trick of turning a calculator...

By 3722145 - 31/01/2015 00:51 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I showed my son the old trick of turning a calculator upside down and spelling "BOOBIES" on it in numbers. He laughed, then spent nearly 20 minutes trying to spell "COCKS", before giving up and hurling the calculator across the room. I wish my sperm had a warranty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 467

You deserved it 6 898

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 31/07/2014 16:24 - United States - Dallas

Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 247

You deserved it 7 769

By imamomma - 20/12/2011 18:59 - United States

Today, after explaining to my two year old that we were going bra shopping, he decided to announce to the entire bank that we were going to buy Mommy some boobies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 220

You deserved it 26 909

By Anonymous - 01/05/2015 20:41 - United Kingdom - Oundle

Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 387

You deserved it 3 651

By Anonymous - 28/06/2013 20:36 - Jordan - Amman

Today, my 12-year-old son played QWOP on my laptop. Half an hour later, he virtually destroyed it in a fit of rage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 231

You deserved it 5 395

By Anonymous - 10/12/2010 07:17 - United States

Today, I came home to find my 25 year old boyfriend laughing hysterically at his laptop while he made Microsoft Sam say "feces", "penis", and "diarrhea". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 479

You deserved it 8 947

By Anonymous - 10/09/2013 18:30 - United States - Smyrna

Today, I took my 4-year-old son to the bank with me. He asked why we were going, and I explained that I had a couple of checks that they would turn into money. When we got in line, he loudly exclaimed that "Mommy has checks for money!" Except "checks" sounded almost exactly like "sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 651

You deserved it 4 578

By Nick - 29/06/2012 21:39 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I let my daughter bake a cake for her brother's fifth birthday party. She showed up later with a cake in the shape of a cock and balls. Apparently it's okay, though, because "I frosted it to look like a rocket, hehehe!" I can't believe my balls spawned this moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 280

You deserved it 6 727

By thebeachisthatway - 22/10/2012 18:56 - United States - Worcester

Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 252

You deserved it 5 275

By Anonymous - 19/01/2015 14:34 - United States - Lewiston

Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 681

You deserved it 7 566

Daddy's in the shit again

By habbsrule - 15/06/2012 14:21 - Canada

Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 508

You deserved it 30 129

marcmaralou 15

Sunday 1 February 2015 0:13

once you get older, scientific and graphing calculators don't allow you to do this :(

colton_colton 49

Sunday 1 February 2015 0:13

He's the future of this world

Comments

feven 32

Sunday 1 February 2015 1:22

You're a great dad.

Hash13 13

Sunday 1 February 2015 1:57

Weren't you showing him how to spell boobies ?

jkp1291 25

Sunday 1 February 2015 2:20

The ending to this FML was perfect

mosquito19 14

Sunday 1 February 2015 2:34

no, your sperm was expired when you make your son.

granCanyon 12

Sunday 1 February 2015 3:10

Only dummies need to be taught everything. Some things are just obvious to anyone who has a brain.

thatcoolguy123 14

Sunday 1 February 2015 3:32

oh, idiots... how old is he?

DarkWolf420 1

Sunday 1 February 2015 3:59

You seriously want to trade your son in because he's gay? Go play in traffic, asshole.

failedgamer01 20

Sunday 1 February 2015 4:25

Haha! I actually had a calculator that had a keyboard (it was one of those fancy science ones) and me and my friends used to type and show each other funny things in math class.