Love: Today, I sneaked into my girlfriend's house for some romantic...

By jester777 - 22/01/2011 17:39 - United States

Today, I sneaked into my girlfriend's house for some romantic time. Before going into her room, I took a dump in the bathroom. Once I was done, I not only noticed that there was no toilet paper left, but I heard her and her 6'5, heavyweight boxer, ex-marine father, talking outside the bathroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 549

You deserved it 49 422

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Same thing different taste

By coolhand - 29/08/2009 15:13 - United States

Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 514

You deserved it 67 441

By Anonymous - 14/09/2012 14:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 284

You deserved it 30 208

By IceMage - 18/01/2010 00:57 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to sneak into the shower at her house while her parents went out to eat and a movie. Half way through our shower we heard a knocking at the door, it was her mom. We had left all of our clothes downstairs. Safe to say I won't be allowed there any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 644

You deserved it 39 424

Joe Bidet

By tmrwsmggls - 16/11/2020 14:01 - United States

Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 943

You deserved it 347

By Anonymous - 03/08/2011 17:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I snuck into the bathroom together at his house for a quickie. Just as we unzipped our pants, his step-dad knocked on the door. Panicking, I jumped into the closet to hide. When his step-dad came in, he went to put some towels away. In the closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 101

You deserved it 42 158

By anony - 27/02/2013 13:49 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by quietly undressing and sneaking into the bathroom to join him in the shower. He was bent over taking a dump, pushing his turd down the plughole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 722

You deserved it 6 693

By GasAttack - 07/09/2009 13:32 - Canada

Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 474

You deserved it 8 533

By Anonymous - 01/08/2019 06:00

Today, my boyfriend sneaked into my room, not knowing I wasn't home. It would have been great, except my dad went in my room to put laundry away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 253

You deserved it 433

By FUCK GOD - 03/02/2013 23:04 - Argentina - Salta

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 124

You deserved it 4 859

By EmbarrassedGirlfriend101 - 17/08/2011 16:40 - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 295

You deserved it 7 527

CrimsonWolf1294 0

Sunday 23 January 2011 0:09

There is no possible way that you didn't deserve this...

sweet_candy_ 17

Sunday 23 January 2011 0:06

lmao I hope you make it out alive.

Comments

PuppiesFTW 5

Sunday 23 January 2011 1:48

That's just what I thought when he said boxer....

dt520 4

Sunday 23 January 2011 1:48

you can add murderer to that list if he sees your ass

PuppiesFTW 5

Sunday 23 January 2011 1:50

That's just what I thought when he said boxer....

JennaMason 6

Sunday 23 January 2011 1:51

that's really awkward. your girlfriend can't even defend you because she didn't even know you were in her house. good luck explaining this one!

XxKyttixX 0

Sunday 23 January 2011 1:55

There's nothing romantic about "sneaking" for one...and two, i'd like to know how this ended.

aj01 3

Sunday 23 January 2011 1:59

ok why didn't you take a crap before you went to your girlfriends house?

MR_Anderson 4

Sunday 23 January 2011 2:22

Once a Marine always a Marine...anyone should know that

JennaMason 6

Sunday 23 January 2011 2:24

maybe he didn't need to take a crap until he got there?

Cody24485 0

Sunday 23 January 2011 13:17

you are ******* sexy Jenna

Skroal_stomper 5

Tuesday 25 January 2011 6:06

Get a life Cody.

NostalgiaFreak9 41

Tuesday 8 December 2015 0:48

Yeah, but it's beyond disrespectful to break into your girlfriend's house and take a shit while she's unaware of your presence in her house.

redrock350 0

Sunday 23 January 2011 2:29

FYI, there is no such thing as an ex Marine, it's former Marine fucktard!

cguinn17 9

Sunday 23 January 2011 3:58

of course there's such thing as an ex-marine, if you can be kicked out of something (relationship, organization, etc.) you can be an ex.

SailorSweetheart 0

Sunday 23 January 2011 6:09

Make no mistake, there is NO such thing as an ex-Marine. there is only: Active Duty Marine, Retired Marine and OTH Discharged Marine.

cguinn17 9

Sunday 23 January 2011 16:53

thank you for clearing that up.

SailorSweetheart 0

Monday 24 January 2011 7:03

are you being a smart ass, i can't tell

claiiire_fml 17

Sunday 23 January 2011 2:35

Or she invited him, and the parents didn't know. My God...

Keywords

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The Top

Today, after a broken smoke detector in my home caused the fire department to come, I got an angry visit from my neighbor who was upset because she had parked in front of a fire hydrant and got a ticket. She demands that I pay it, "or else." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 748

You deserved it 2 452

Today, my mom picked my ex-boyfriend up early from school to take him to see a special screening of a documentary that's showing in town. She left me after school for an hour and a half because they ended up going out for coffee afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 157

You deserved it 2 693

The Top

Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 761

You deserved it 6 945

Today, I miss someone I shouldn’t. Someone who made me feel like complete shit, but I hope they're happy wherever they are, and they take care of themselves. I hope they heal with their family. I hope they are good and things workout for them. That they realise how awful they were and finally change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 171

You deserved it 353

Today, I had to remove a glass bottle, complete with an ineffective pullstring, from a patient's rectum. He claimed that he'd accidentally sat on it, and later threatened to sue me for every penny if I breathed a word of it to anyone. Oops, looks like I just did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 890

You deserved it 6 392

Today, after several months of starting an antidepressant at the same time as my husband, I have horrible side effects, including weight gain, drowsiness, and acne. His only side effect? He can now only achieve an orgasm through oral stimulation. Lucky me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 456

You deserved it 192

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend has a YouTube channel devoted to taking the camera out whenever he has to fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 619

You deserved it 4 263

Today, I was glad to find out that all the bedbugs have been eaten. Now I have a spider infestation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 611

You deserved it 958

Same thing different taste

Joe Bidet

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