Awkward, Cute and Kids: Today, I surprised my four year-old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur.... - FML

By douglas - 17/07/2011 07:14 - United States

Today, I surprised my four year-old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it "Horny". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 184

You deserved it 8 253

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 09/02/2013 20:03 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She ended up giving him an ill-advised name, and has been loudly proclaiming to everyone she sees that her pillow pet is Horny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 903

You deserved it 4 919

Don't worry!

By Anonymous - 22/01/2020 01:00

Today, my girlfriend of four months asked me to babysit her four-year-old daughter. All went well, and she texted me to see how she was. I wanted to say “a little ornery”. My phone auto corrected ornery to horny. She didn't appreciate that her four-year-old daughter was a little horny from her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 947

You deserved it 540

By parentof5 - 23/04/2011 15:20 - United States

Today, my 4 year old daughter walked in while I was changing my shirt. She said "When I get older I am going to have big boobies just like you." I'm her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 641

You deserved it 24 787

By anonymous - 28/07/2011 05:39 - United States

Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 444

You deserved it 16 962

Word of the day

By Maryann - 19/03/2021 05:01

Today, my four year-old daughter asked me what the word “necrophilia” means. I have no idea where she even heard that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 97

By Herdad - 30/07/2009 11:34 - United States

Today, my two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 049

You deserved it 3 694

By Oblivious - 08/05/2009 19:39 - Kuwait

Today, I found out that my husband named our daughter after his favorite porn star. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155 941

You deserved it 16 230

Look!

By dinosaurboy - 06/02/2010 20:01 - United States

Today, my mom and I went to the mall to look for some boxer briefs. While looking, I saw two girls I knew from school, so I went over to say hello. At least, that was my plan, but my mom screamed, "Look! These have dinosaurs on them!" They left the store giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 695

You deserved it 5 465

By Anonymous - 16/08/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 113

You deserved it 10 955

By Rae - 30/07/2009 13:56 - United States

Today, I picked up my daughter from the day care but before we left, the babysitter needed to have a talk with me. To fill you in, I got a brand new prius yesterday. Apparently my daughter told eveyone that her mommy got a new penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 449

You deserved it 4 492

Next

Top comments

Niicky_fml 20

Sunday 17 July 2011 15:59

that's so cute! haha awww :)

Bowser6622 5

Sunday 17 July 2011 15:59

Coincidence?

Comments

jonybrabo11 0

Sunday 17 July 2011 17:01

too funny

DeLpHe3zY 7

Sunday 17 July 2011 17:01

ok now thats on you for being perverted. If the dinosaur had horns she would proceed to name it "horny"

SDMF 0

Sunday 17 July 2011 17:09

I think your daughter is more mature than you are.

Jazzalyn 10

Sunday 17 July 2011 17:11

The dino probably just had horns or something. I doubt she knows what the word, in that context, even means.

firefail1031 0

Sunday 17 July 2011 17:17

Chuckanorris Rex

stormchaser24 24

Sunday 17 July 2011 17:18

she does not know better. but still funny, mom I am getting horny to play lol.

baseballlegitly0 2

Sunday 17 July 2011 17:18

win

mismonroe 0

Sunday 17 July 2011 17:19

Hey!!! That's the name of my ******!

somerandomdude19 2

Sunday 17 July 2011 17:23

your daughter sounds awesome

TobiPuppy 0

Sunday 17 July 2011 17:26

This isn't an FML. The real FML is how you got pregnant at 16 or at least act like you're still 16 over how your child innocently named a stuffed animal.

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Keywords

Transportation Cars Embarrassing Work Mental health Awkward Relatable AITA Am I overreacting? Love Social Media Annoying Family Intimacy Sex Coworkers Poopoo peepee Dentist Health Animals Dogs Cute Sleep Shopping My ex Cats Job interview Clothes Miscellaneous Weird

The Top

Today, my girlfriend won't stop complaining about the recent lack of intimacy in our relationship. There's an easy solution to this problem, but I'm currently covered in poison ivy rashes and she refuses to let me touch her until they clear up. Guess I'd better get used to itching and whining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 215

Today, my best friend of five years left cause I “followed them” and that made me depressed, then I couldn’t go outside or to class anymore cause I was too depressed, then my girlfriend, whom I was going to marry, left me because, you guessed it, I was too depressed. Now I’m in a mental hospital for trying to kill myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 189

The Top

Today, as I got on the bus to commute to work, its front right tire exploded. Everyone, including the driver, glared at me while getting off. The next bus arrives in 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 975

You deserved it 268

Today, while playing a game of Cards Against Humanity, I had to explain to 3 grown men that there is NOT an actual bone in their dicks. It's mostly vascular tissue that swells and becomes rigid, and a broken dick is when they pop one of the two main vascular tubes, which can cause many severe problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 164

You deserved it 113

Today, I found out my parents never naturalized me. I'm adopted from a country I've never been to, and now I could be deported there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 018

You deserved it 599

Today, I was ecstatic to have received a friend request from my crush of grade 4 after 11 years. He's grown up to be such a hottie. I quickly accepted his request, he messaged me and we ended up chatting for hours. Later, when I messaged him, he called me clingy and unfriended me from Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 700

You deserved it 2 038

Today, I was woken by the sound of music coming from my living room at 1:30 am. My cat had managed to turn on the stereo and turn the volume all the way up. Just as I fell asleep again, there was a knock at the door. The police showed up about a noise complaint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 447

You deserved it 2 003

Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 042

You deserved it 38 067