Miscellaneous: Today, I told a girl that she had very pretty eyes. I then had...

By Anonymous - 06/09/2012 01:34 - Canada

Today, I told a girl that she had very pretty eyes. I then had to rinse pepper spray from my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 928

You deserved it 2 892

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Same thing different taste

I'm not sad. Or am I?

By Dr Pepper - 22/05/2019 18:05

Today, to protect me from the 'bad people' out there, my mom bought some pepper spray. While trying to test it, I accidentally sprayed myself in the eyes. Now, every person I meet asks me what I've been crying about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 1 705

By Anonymous - 06/07/2011 18:45 - United States

Today, my roommate showed me that her pepper spray had expired, so I decided to test it on myself. It worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 284

You deserved it 79 712

By Anonymous - 09/11/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I told the woman that I've had a crush on for some time how I felt. She laughed so hard that water sprayed from her nose and hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 608

You deserved it 2 916

The opposite of a good idea

By gorokhan2 - 27/04/2020 17:00

Today, I wanted to prank my girlfriend by giving her a jump scare. Right before I tried to scare her in an empty parking lot, she turned towards me, pepper-sprayed me in the eyes and kicked me in the balls. When she realized it was me, she called me an asshole and dumped on the spot and drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 4 424

By Anonymous - 23/08/2012 16:14 - United States - Clarksburg

Today, while on the bus, I took out my breath spray. The elderly lady beside me thought it was pepper spray. She panicked and started screaming, which culminated in the man near her punching me in the jaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 759

You deserved it 1 952

How? Why?

By WetMorning - 05/11/2022 17:00 - United States

Today, my day started with me peeing in my own face. My eye still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 670

By DSM - 14/03/2009 11:05 - United States

Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 810

You deserved it 117 388

Fast response

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom bought me pepper spray in case anyone tried to "mess" with me. I put it in my purse. Later, a guy snatched my purse before I even had the chance to take out the pepper spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 575

You deserved it 4 276

Eau de toilette

By anon - 05/03/2011 10:15 - United States

Today, as I was about to go in the bathroom, a girl walked out, shaking water off her hands. Some of it landed on my face, and I just wiped it off. Then she said to her friend who was waiting for her, "The sink's broken. Can I use your hand sanitizer?" So what landed on my face? FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 508

You deserved it 3 123

Lumpy

By popeye - 25/02/2010 15:18 - United States

Today, I was trying to take the cap off a can of spray cooking oil. It was really stuck so I pulled extra hard. It flew off and I punched myself in the head. I also sprayed myself in the eye with it. The lump on my forehead and my swollen shut eye make me look like Popeye, but I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 102

You deserved it 5 357

DaDezza244 31

Thursday 6 September 2012 9:21

What a bitch. At least you were being kind :) sorry to hear about your eyes

A100893 30

Thursday 6 September 2012 9:22

I guess you didn't see eye to eye.

Comments

88vivera 9

Saturday 8 September 2012 20:18

Why? What happened?

Pumpykin 3

Saturday 8 September 2012 21:01

Aww , how rude . Some people automaticallyy think everyone who says something nice is a rapist . I hope your eyes feel better !

Blahblah9921 4

Sunday 9 September 2012 1:26

wow tht was rude

wikedjest 0

Monday 10 September 2012 10:26

some people can't take compliments our are expecting a trick if they get complimented. sorry that happined to you

Bludmagnus 13

Thursday 20 September 2012 10:55

Nah... feminism hasn't gone too far... No...

Erto 17

Friday 1 August 2014 3:49

Conceited bitch

russiancat464 12

Thursday 14 August 2014 0:55

whenever I see a clever comment, I just loudly say "HEAHH" and move on

TisButAScratch 10

Sunday 17 April 2016 6:29

Did she call you a mysogonistic pig afterwards

Andrei I 9

Sunday 15 April 2018 13:20

you could file charges for assault with a weapon

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I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 1

Today, I picked up my daughter from daycare. As we were getting into the car, I strapped her into the car seat, but something felt off. I looked back and realized I had picked up the wrong kid. In my defense, she was wearing the same jacket as my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 119

You deserved it 539

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Today, I searched for free parking near my work for 30 minutes, trying to avoid paying $12 at a pay lot. I scored a spot, but 1 mile away from the office. I trekked through rain, cold, and got to work late. It was a long hard day, crawled back to my car, and had a $30 ticket on my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 368

You deserved it 39 340

Today, I had an emergency appendectomy, so I texted my boss to let him know about the situation. He replied that it'd be good for my continued employment prospects if I come into work tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 949

You deserved it 1 544

Today, my 3-year-old daughter asked me to carry her from the car to the house. I asked her for 3 kisses and a hug in return. She said she'd rather walk instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 299

You deserved it 7 132

Today, my dentist told me I have a cavity and blamed it on the "subpar" toothpaste I've been using - the same toothpaste he recommended six months ago at my last appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 290

You deserved it 1 191

Today, in college, we were asked at what age girls tend to become physically attractive. Wrongly thinking the answer was in relation to puberty, I said, "Umm... 11 or 12?" Now everyone thinks I'm some kind of pedophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 242

You deserved it 9 571

Today, I was talking to this girl I have dinner with every week. She’s always telling me how she loves me and I do the same. She said, "The way we talk and act around each other, people would think we were dating." My answer was, "Aren't we?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 801

You deserved it 15 822