Miscellaneous: Today, I told my mom that I heard something, and I think we have...

By jkbeynon - 03/03/2013 04:18 - United States - Canyon Country

Today, I told my mom that I heard something, and I think we have rats in the attic and should hire an exterminator. She looked at me and said, "Rats, huh? That's what the mom in The Exorcist thought, but it turned out to be the devil living up there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 812

You deserved it 3 628

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Same thing different taste

Tubular Bells starts playing…

By so scared - 08/02/2014 17:13 - Canada - Barrie

Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon, after I'd explained to her how scared I was of The Exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 692

You deserved it 6 206

"Tubular Bells" by Mike Oldfield starts playing…

By Sodapop40 - 21/06/2020 05:05

Today, my mom admitted to me that, when I was a baby, my grandmother kidnapped me and took me to the priest to perform an exorcism, because she swore I was the "spawn of Satan." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 579

You deserved it 128

By anonymous - 06/07/2011 15:21 - United States

Today, my mother told me she wanted me to get an exorcism. Yes, she was serious. I'm Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 514

You deserved it 3 716

Goodbye Rémy…

By Tough guy - 04/09/2021 23:00

Today, I was laying in bed when my sister came running in, scared. I took my bat and went into the kitchen where the suspicious noise was coming from. It was a rat, right in the middle of the floor. I jumped on the counter and shrieked, just as my girlfriend walked in, who then actually dealt with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 833

Rats!

By I’m screwed - 08/12/2018 15:30

Today, we’ve had a rat problem in our house for a few weeks. Recently I hid a bottle of booze in my room so my parents wouldn’t see it. But my parents saw a rat in my room and tore the whole thing apart to find it, eventually finding my bottle instead. I was literally ratted out by a rat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 787

You deserved it 2 767

Ratatouille

By Anonymous - 16/10/2020 08:02

Today, after my house almost got broken into last week, when I heard some noises in the kitchen I went to investigate. I saw a huge rat run across my floor, and nearly peed myself thinking it was an intruder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 006

You deserved it 175

Possession

By Anonymous - 10/07/2023 18:00

Today, my mom wants me to get an exorcism because piercings, tattoos, my own car, my own career, moving out of her house, and wanting zero contact with her from now on are "sure signs of demonic possession", maybe even the influence of Lucifer himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 138

SATAN!

By Anonymous - 08/12/2021 02:01

Today, my nana tried to drown my pet rat because it's white with red eyes, and red eyes mean it’s Satan in disguise, and yet my mom still refuses to admit she needs to be in a nursing home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 056

You deserved it 123

By Anonymous - 13/01/2016 07:46 - Netherlands - Overveen

Today, I dreamed a rat crawled up from the toilet and attacked me. Now I'm afraid to even enter the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 209

You deserved it 3 782

By fuck my goddamn life - 15/02/2014 20:51 - United States

Today, I'm stuck in a hotel with my psychotic mom, all because she swore there were "demonic" noises coming from our oven. Yeah, our oven is totally possessed, you idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 565

You deserved it 4 839

Lucia_Malpense 14

Sunday 3 March 2013 9:14

How ridiculous. Everyone knows that the Devil lives in the basement.

HaneenDixon 16

Sunday 3 March 2013 9:19

Oh man! I can't believe your mom ratted out the devils hiding spot!

Comments

xeka 10

Sunday 3 March 2013 21:50

How is this even considered an "FML"? ...

monnanon 13

Sunday 3 March 2013 22:59

maybe its your mums high school bf or does that only happen on the simpsons

BellaFurfaro 12

Monday 4 March 2013 0:05

That must have made you feel so much more safer.

natashaapickle 8

Monday 4 March 2013 1:20

I wish my mom would say cool things like that

HeartOfLead 24

Monday 4 March 2013 4:49

At least it's not the Cthulu?

yaoifreak 8

Monday 4 March 2013 5:46

I'd be scared to even walk to the bathroom if my mom said

berkeleyjake 13

Monday 4 March 2013 22:59

I bet somewhere there exists someone who is both an exterminator and an exorcist

McFappin 6

Sunday 10 March 2013 19:18

That escalated quickly.

taybay23 13

Sunday 24 March 2013 6:13

Why would she say that!?

Preponderancy 2

Sunday 19 May 2013 7:56

@77 The rates for exorcist plumbers will be expensive sadly.

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The Top

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. We were starting to get intimate, and I thought it would be kinky to tie his hands to his bed so he'd be more turned on. Suddenly his mom called us for dinner, but I couldn't untie him fast enough. I had to sit there, embarrassed, while his mom undid the rope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 121

You deserved it 29 836

Today, I drove two hours to secretly buy an antique book my wife has been looking for for 30 years since her childhood copy was lost in a house fire. There was one other guy there interested in buying it, we were both cash buyers but with one difference: I was the one who forgot his wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 345

The Top

Today, my mother, who insists on sticking her nose into every aspect of my life, found out I'm only "middle management" and called my boss to criticize her for undervaluing me, demanding I be promoted immediately. I'm now the laughing stock of my office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 401

You deserved it 546

Today, I had to stop going to university with 2 years left because my parents feel it's not the right course for me. I am 23 years-old, living with my parents, $2 to my name and no job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 835

You deserved it 303

Today, I tried to fight my girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend because she told me he used to beat her. Turns out, she was lying to “impress” me, and her ex has a black belt in taekwondo. I’m in excruciating pain right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 090

You deserved it 4 801

Today, I found out my boyfriend's mom tried to bribe him with an iPhone to dump me. He accepted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 367

You deserved it 2 474

Today, I found out that boyfriend doesn't think he needs to wipe his ass after he shits if he's going straight in the shower because he can just "clean it up in there". We share a loofah. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 308

You deserved it 2 140

Today, after much self-doubt and awkwardness, I learned that I look amazing in a little black dress. Now I have to figure out what I'm going to tell my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 667

You deserved it 23 434