Intimacy: Today, I tried having intercourse with my boyfriend, and about...

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By VampiresSayRawr - 28/03/2009 03:16 - Canada

Today, I tried having intercourse with my boyfriend, and about 30 seconds in, I heard flipping. He was looking at a porn magazine. "It's to keep my erection" he answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98 736

You deserved it 9 801

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Same thing different taste

By giantcuntflaps - 13/12/2014 16:03 - Australia

Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 544

You deserved it 6 874

Booktok

By eakthegeek - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was sexing it up with my boyfriend. Halfway through, he looked at me and said, "Y'know what you never see in a porno? Intellectual conversation. Read any good books lately?" He wouldn't keep going until I answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 775

You deserved it 7 074

Booming

By Anonymous - 26/04/2013 22:22 - United States - Arvada

Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 943

You deserved it 10 205

Actor's Studio

By darthmilfious - 31/03/2010 07:56 - France

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was making a list of things to do tomorrow while faking an orgasm when I realize my boyfriend had finished about two minutes ago. He's pissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 688

You deserved it 69 167

You've tried this before, right?

By xxxzzzooo - 02/01/2010 17:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He tried to put it in unerected. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 572

You deserved it 3 809

Come again

By Anonymous - 09/07/2009 07:35

Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 997

You deserved it 62 552

What is it?

By Anonymous - 06/08/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 216

You deserved it 8 230

By apparently inexperienced - 11/09/2012 16:54 - United States - Brockton

Today, after what I thought was an amazing sex session with my boyfriend, he let out a big sigh and told me I need to watch more porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 776

You deserved it 6 498

By Anonymous - 18/07/2013 19:01 - Netherlands - Herkenbosch

Today, I tried coming on to my fiancé. He just pushed me off and got out of bed, saying he wasn't in the mood. A half hour later, I caught him jerking off to several windows of porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 485

You deserved it 6 681

By princess - 12/04/2014 21:01 - United States - San Marcos

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky, and I whispered that I love him. He immediately lost his boner, and a few minutes later "remembered" he had to be somewhere else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 599

You deserved it 7 165

dlogsr 1

Saturday 28 March 2009 11:13

maybe because you called it "intercourse".

danza_fml 0

Saturday 28 March 2009 10:49

30 seconds? No comment.

Comments

spanky_ 0

Saturday 28 March 2009 19:12

How did you not notice him looking at it until you heard the pages flipping??

Socrates_fml 0

Saturday 28 March 2009 19:21

No, #41, the problem is definitely that she calls it intercourse.

Jungle_43 0

Saturday 28 March 2009 19:33

There is such a thing as **** addiction. He should probably talk to a therapist about the problem, it's a real psychological issue.

FoundManyLemons 0

Saturday 28 March 2009 19:35

Tell him they make pills for that? Or better yet, tell him to GTFO and find a new boyfriend?

bipolarchipmunk 0

Saturday 28 March 2009 19:46

viva, viva, viagraaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!

craigahh 0

Saturday 28 March 2009 19:58

Dump his ass, you can do better than him.

uguysareidiots 0

Saturday 28 March 2009 20:11

you must be ugly? or hes gay.

ml35 0

Saturday 28 March 2009 20:12

to #5: hahahahahahahahahahah awesome

serious1y 0

Saturday 28 March 2009 20:32

hah. and this is why **** IS degrading to women, contrary to whats-his-face said yesterday. guys get so used to digitally-enhanced airbrushed women that aren't even REAL that they don't get turned on by their wives and girlfriends any more. if you think i'm being stupid, take a look at the statistics - watching **** is the leading cause of divorce in the US. dump him. and i'm not being shallow, clearly he is.

Calloway 0

Monday 17 August 2009 0:44

Watching **** is the leading cause of divorce in the US? I'd say that people being unintelligent and irrational would be the leading cause of plenty of problems in the US, not the least of which being the divorce rate. I'd also blame the unrealistic expectations of love that Disney movies give children and various other things that the Moral Majority have been doing since I was born. Unintended consequences and hilarity ensue. Love takes work, and nobody has been saying that for close to three decades now. Hence, the divorce 'problem'. PS: If divorce is such a problem in the US, outlaw it. Then the phrase 'sanctity of marriage' will mean something.