Intimacy: Today, I tried to be seductive to get intimate with my boyfriend....

By Anonymous - 29/06/2014 23:14 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I tried to be seductive to get intimate with my boyfriend. He commented on how sexy I looked, and how badly he wanted me, then asked me to move because I was blocking the TV, and the World Cup match he was watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 260

You deserved it 17 561

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By notsexy - 28/07/2009 22:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 768

You deserved it 8 443

Never touch the Xbox

By Unknown - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I turned off my boyfriend's Xbox while he was playing because I wanted to talk to him about getting more serious with our relationship. As I did so, he said, "That's not the only thing you just turned off" and promptly broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 932

You deserved it 15 696

Lower your expectations

By AchievementUnlocked? - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my husband and I were talking about celebrities he finds attractive. All of these beautiful, talented, glamorous women were starting to make me feel very plain, so he attempted to console me by saying, "But I love you. You're attainable!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 743

You deserved it 6 650

Sketchy

By Wolf - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Trinidad and Tobago

Today, while sitting next to me, my boyfriend sent a text to one of his "friends" saying, "I'm thinking of you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 877

You deserved it 2 469

Stuck

By canessadawn - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Portland

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 802

You deserved it 2 580

Courtesy visit

By hottytodday - 12/12/2019 05:00 - United States - Oxford

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend on our couch. Meanwhile, my parents came to visit us without telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 520

You deserved it 362

Killing the mood

By hotmess - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Katy

Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 652

You deserved it 8 778

Camouflage

By allbrokeup - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Norway - Stavanger

Today, while I was removing my makeup with my boyfriend watching, he mentioned that he used to think girls were prettier without makeup on, but he'd now changed his mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 930

You deserved it 3 489

By myusofwe - 06/02/2016 01:33 - Puerto Rico - Caguas

Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 945

You deserved it 3 028

By Anonymous - 03/12/2018 16:00 - United States - Great Barrington

Today, it's my birthday. My husband hasn't slept with me in months. I am so humiliated every time I try to be intimate with him because I am only ever turned down. Tonight, he rubbed my leg and got mad when I fixed myself so I wouldn't be turned on. Apparently tonight was the night but I moved and ruined it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 316

You deserved it 557

joefrazier 20

Monday 30 June 2014 9:53

Well... It is the World Cup.

LotsOfConfusion 9

Monday 30 June 2014 9:54

Something tells me that an infinite number of women an relate to this FML these days!

Comments

omgzitdanix3 6

Monday 30 June 2014 13:41

Stupid World Cup!!! Record it and watch it later (;

RedPillSucks 31

Monday 30 June 2014 19:13

It's not the same. Plus, if you overhear someone discussing the game and the score then it's doubly ruined.

VenVen_fml 4

Monday 30 June 2014 13:45

You should know better! wait till after its over if u want their full attention ;)

elyx_fml 16

Monday 30 June 2014 13:47

If you can give him a BJ u can be happy:)

callmekakarot 10

Monday 30 June 2014 15:10

he has a point there..

vlalam 24

Monday 30 June 2014 15:26

lol, is he a keeper or what? trying to aim 2 birds with one shot I guess

howlingwolf89 16

Monday 30 June 2014 15:47

My man!

TogeBara 12

Monday 30 June 2014 16:23

Priorities are important in a relationship, and you aren't one of those priorities. Seriously, nothing is more important than the needs of a spouse or partner. Another reason I hate sports.

GentlemanBastard 15

Monday 30 June 2014 18:52

So, every time your partner wants sex, you immediately drop whatever you're doing and meet their needs? What if you're not in the mood? If you want that, I suggest a ******* machine. A big old hydraulic *****. Good for your needs, and doesn't have any other priorities.

poisongirl708 11

Monday 30 June 2014 17:03

Yeah... Not a good time to be seductive around World Cup time

lulinator 40

Monday 30 June 2014 17:11

Silly girls. When will you realize you'll always come second to major sporting events?

ladybugz23 13

Monday 30 June 2014 17:31

ill leave him alone and go out with your friends or to a bar have a drink and play pools. don't let him know where you going because he's busy watching TV.