Love: Today, I've been dating a girl for a year and she's only touched... - FML

By jobless - 20/01/2009 16:52 - France

Today, I've been dating a girl for a year and she's only touched my penis twice. Once by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 058

You deserved it 12 986

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Same thing different taste

By Anon - 30/01/2009 11:39 - Canada

Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 342

You deserved it 7 441

By hjgjh - 27/04/2009 06:14 - United States

Today, an ant bit my penis. That was the first 'mouth' to ever touch it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 595

You deserved it 23 398

Excuses, excuses

By Anonymous - 31/10/2022 02:00

Today, I saw a girl making out with presumably her boyfriend. This wouldn’t be a problem if she hadn’t told me she was asexual and didn’t like to be touched. The worst part is this isn’t even the first time this has happened to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 347

Newbie

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 18:18 - Singapore

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 617

You deserved it 7 746

By KWM - 12/02/2009 13:28 - United States

Today, I shook hands with a girl and held onto her hand while telling her she had very tiny, delicate hands. When I let go to look at them, I discovered she only had two fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 138

You deserved it 39 065

Show and tell

By Boyufd - 22/04/2020 23:00

Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 176

You deserved it 312

By oops - 19/11/2014 17:03 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I was on a date, and I went to put my arm around her, trying to be romantic, but my coordination went straight to hell. Instead of her shoulder, I ended up accidentally grabbing her tit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 108

You deserved it 8 354

By Anonymous - 04/02/2013 17:17 - United States - Durham

Today, my girlfriend lost her virginity. I still have mine, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 416

You deserved it 3 890

By 20month dry spell - 27/09/2018 03:00

Today, my girlfriend thinks I'm sex-obsessed because of the number of times I've asked for it. I've asked exactly 3 times this year, one of which was on my birthday. She said no all 3 times. I'm usually too scared of her temper to even try. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 781

You deserved it 1 388

By ImaSneakyNinja - 17/11/2016 02:55 - United States - Madison Heights

Today, I asked a girl that I've been talking to for a couple of weeks out, but immediately got rejected because I'm left handed. I guess I'll leave that part out next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 752

You deserved it 835

Next

Top comments

infantrygirl 0

Monday 9 February 2009 18:49

Oh, shut up. If you can't stand to be with a girl who has morals, you don't deserve her.

popcorn_fml 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 1:18

it may be hard for some of you to believe but you CAN have a relationship without sex.

Comments

karee10 0

Thursday 18 March 2010 23:58

oh your soo cool number 50!! isn't that just exciting?!?!? ha

todo350 0

Tuesday 23 March 2010 16:25

look at your pic. your obviously lying.

hawxfighter_fml 0

Wednesday 31 March 2010 0:29

#50, hate to break it to you but ir gf's a wh0re.

flakes_fml 0

Wednesday 31 March 2010 2:31

ydi for having a penis

XxFA1LxX 4

Tuesday 13 April 2010 22:52

some girls take time. it took my gf a year to finally makeout with me, and a year and a half to get a bj. are relationship is great even though we dont have sex every night.

metalboxzes 0

Wednesday 14 April 2010 4:33

I've been dating my girlfriend for 3 months and were taking it slow. I hate how people rush things... just ruins things later on.

wooters 1

Monday 17 May 2010 3:31

#50 dude me too :0 but it was my last gf.. so hot shed do it in public if I asked her I bet ya.. horny thing..

Yourbetrayal 0

Thursday 10 June 2010 4:22

thats not bad at all!!! you are an asshole! your girlfriend is an amazing girl with morals!!! I dont think you should dump her cause if you have been with her for a year without having sex its becuase you have a good relationship! so... dont complain about that!

IPityTheFool 0

Thursday 24 June 2010 7:19

Dude that's weaksauce Ive been dating my gf for 1 month and i got a bj in the movie theaters while seeing the A-team and I got a hj so shaBam! btw I'm 14 also

BadPinkKitty07 0

Sunday 27 June 2010 8:46

all you 14 year old man-hos are gonna end up STD-infected and miserable for the rest of your life. but hey, some strangers on a website think you're badass and cool right now, so it's all good. some people are so stupid. stupid people should not reproduce. wear a condom, children. the future says thanks in advance. :)

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend. He was at the police station for breaking into a model home to hook up with the girl he's been cheating on me with for the past four months. I was his one phone call. He was expecting me to bail him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 106

You deserved it 3 775

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 433

You deserved it 46 505

The Top

Today, I came back to my dorm only to hear my neighbor having loud sex. I thought I was just thinking when I said, "At least do it against the other wall," but when I was left later on, he walked by, apologized and said that he thought I wasn't home, and promised to be more quiet next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 119

You deserved it 564

Today, I couldn't find my phone. Worried that I'd accidentally thrown it in the trash, I emptied out all the bins and searched the garbage. An hour later, my daughter said she'd found it by the bathroom sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 005

You deserved it 26 775

Today, I went out on my first date in 2 months. My sister and her friends were also at the same restaurant we went to. I decided to ignore them but they didn't. As a joke, they though it would be funny if her friend came up and said, "I had fun last night, we should do it again". My date left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 386

You deserved it 2 729

Today, I went to the hospital with a broken hand. They gave me a cast and some prescription pain medication. The only problem is that the bottle of medication is child-proof, I live alone and I can't open it with one hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 002

You deserved it 2 895

Today, I’m staying with a friend who believes in, “If it’s yellow, let it mellow, only brown gets flushed down.” Well, her 3 or 4 mellow yellows with accompanying paper prior to my surprise brown caused the pipe to clog. Oh and the extractor fan doesn’t work either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 123

It's National Hotdog Day!

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 203