Work: Today, I waited on an elderly man whose wife had just left him....

By Anonymous - 23/01/2012 05:12 - United States

Today, I waited on an elderly man whose wife had just left him. After him going on and on about how his dog will love his leftover chicken, I nervously caught a case of verbal diarrhea and uttered, "Well, if there's chicken involved, I'll get on my knees and be your dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 399

You deserved it 36 042

Valentine's Day: Love and Maladresse
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Same thing different taste

By TrulyYours - 07/05/2009 12:39 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone. After a short pause I hear him say "I love you." Smiling I say, "I love you too." Then he says, "I was talking to my dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 565

You deserved it 5 916

Honey…

By greenintheface - 30/04/2011 06:27 - United States

Today, I had a horrible stomach flu and was well into my second hour of dry heaving when I heard my husband knock on the bathroom door. I was touched that he was worried about me, until I heard, "Honey, what did you make for dinner?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 733

You deserved it 4 106

Priorities

By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 15:58 - Germany - Berlin

Today, my father-in-law left my wedding reception because he had to feed the dog. This would have been alright, if he hadn't been absent for nearly two hours. Apparently, just feeding the dog and leaving would have hurt the animal's feelings so he stayed to play with him for a while. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 004

You deserved it 1 873

By Martine624 - 07/05/2015 21:56 - Netherlands

Today, I spent nearly two hours listening to our cleaning lady talking about her son's infected penis, her fear of dentists, how to catch and kill ducks, her husband's childhood and her supposedly murdered dog. She ended up crying and left without cleaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 122

You deserved it 3 477

By lessinterestingthanadog - 08/11/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing to my home for the first time. He spent over an hour talking to my twelve-year-old dog. Occasionally he would look up to ask me a question, but when I answered he would just continue talking to the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 302

You deserved it 3 814

By SophieGray - 20/05/2011 23:33 - United States

Today, I went over to a guy's house for dinner. He ended up getting really drunk and started crying, telling me that I reminded him of his dead ferret. Distraught, he tearfully showed me her ashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 891

You deserved it 5 066

Kinda sus, dude

By Anonymous - 10/01/2015 20:00 - United States - Burlington

Today, my girlfriend was making lunch and asked me to pass her the peanut butter. I'll never know why, but as I handed it to her I said the first thing that came to mind, "I really want a dog." She looked at me in horror, then told me to get out of her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 209

You deserved it 5 201

By Anonymous - 30/04/2014 05:17 - United States - Muncy

Today, while I was making dinner, my husband argued that our new dog has intelligence issues, and we should give him away. I angrily defended the poor thing, and had almost won, until the dog walked over and licked the inside of the hot oven door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 848

You deserved it 6 162

By samantha - 27/01/2010 14:05 - Singapore

Today, I was sick with the flu so my boyfriend announced that he would make me some chicken soup. It was touching until I stumbled to the kitchen and found out that his "chicken soup" was actually leftover KFC bones boiled in water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 748

You deserved it 4 381

By lulu - 11/02/2012 10:19 - United States

Today, my dog attacked me because I had a chicken costume on for a party. I'm currently in a hospital, dressed as a chicken, waiting for medical assistance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 299

You deserved it 4 717

whoaaahorsie 7

Monday 23 January 2012 12:28

for a dirty translation, maybe "if there's **** involved i'll get on my knees and be your bitch" ?

lukybasturd 0

Monday 23 January 2012 12:00

well me not understanding this is my fml. someone please comment an explanation.

Comments

kp4294 2

Monday 23 January 2012 14:55

This isn't an fml. This is a wtf.

MinSY 2

Monday 23 January 2012 14:55

I don't get it either and not gonna tell you guys my intepretation LOL

WorldsGhost 2

Monday 23 January 2012 14:57

One word repeated a thousand times---> HA

Awsumuzzie 12

Monday 23 January 2012 15:01

What does "HA" stand for? Or what does it mean? Last I checked, it was a reaction.

desireev 17

Monday 23 January 2012 15:11

I really don't think OP was trying to be sexual at all. Hence the 'verbal diarrhea'.. It's one of those things that just accidentally blurt out. It happens to the best of us, OP! And you probably made that old man smile like no other! :)