Intimacy: Today, I walked in on my new college roommate holding his cock....

By InAnAwkwardSituation - 25/08/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, I walked in on my new college roommate holding his cock. He said "Hi I'm Jeffrey, and this is Jeffrey junior" while directing attention towards his penis. It's going to be a long semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 377

You deserved it 3 034

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By mrboston - 01/09/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, my college roommate whom I've never met moved in. Good thing I wasn't completely naked, playing with myself on the couch when he walked in. That would've been awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 647

You deserved it 43 244

By jkin47 - 04/08/2010 01:44 - United States

Today, I moved into my new college apartment for the next year. A 45 year old guy with a mustache in short shorts and no shirt answers the door. He will be one of my roommates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 674

You deserved it 4 043

By Anonymous - 19/01/2010 00:01 - United States

Today, I met my new college room-mate. He then introduced me to his imaginary friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 877

You deserved it 2 846

Great

By Jordan - 10/08/2018 14:00 - United States - Boulder

Today, I met the guy who will be my dorm roommate for the fall semester. One of the first things he said was, "By the way, I'm into self-massage, so don't get weirded out if you hear noises coming from my room a lot." Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 994

You deserved it 196

Gagging for it

By Anonymous - 20/02/2023 14:00 - United States - Cleveland

Today, my roommate spends so much time in our dorm room that I got a boner when I heard him leaving for class, because it was my first chance in days to jack off in peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 265

By Anonymous - 25/09/2013 21:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 242

You deserved it 7 063

What a jerk!

By traumatized house keeper - 08/09/2017 13:00 - Germany - Munster

Today, while cleaning the hostel, I had to make some beds in a dorm room. There were three guys in the room, one of whom was sitting on a bed. He looked me straight in the eye and I gave him a big smile before I realized he was jerking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 472

You deserved it 427

By StiffPvtParts - 04/06/2019 18:00

Today, after a night of drinking, I awoke in the early hours of the morning to a sight of my roommate playing with my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 240

You deserved it 301

By Anonymous - 05/12/2015 03:55 - United States - Portland

Today, at college, I walked in on some kid jerking off in front of the bathroom sink. This place never ceases to amaze and disgust me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 369

You deserved it 1 711

By Anonymous - 31/10/2012 00:29 - United States - Wooster

Today, we got new seats in class today. The guy placed next to me, turned, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "The balls are the warmest place on the body" while his hands were in his pants. I'm stuck next to him for the rest of the semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 869

You deserved it 1 944

Holybatman 16

Thursday 25 August 2011 11:57

Did you shake Jeffrey Junior's hand?

NOWAYJOSE 14

Thursday 25 August 2011 11:57

Well, make friends with both of them!

Comments

IndependentLemon 3

Friday 26 August 2011 0:12

I think the semester would be longer if he had said, "Hi I'm Jeffrey junior and this is Jeffrey."

puppydog 12

Friday 26 August 2011 1:06

..But more fun too.

Stoppajamatime 0

Friday 26 August 2011 0:14

Did his last name happen to be Dahmer?

no_clue_4_u 4

Friday 26 August 2011 0:22

When life slips you a Jeffery, pet the furry wall...

daxter136 0

Friday 26 August 2011 1:02

Jeffery jr. Sounds like an interesting guy

Campbec001 0

Friday 26 August 2011 3:12

Junior? I guess it's a small dick...

FuckOffNoob 6

Saturday 27 August 2011 8:15

probably ?

lebronsucks 3

Friday 26 August 2011 4:04

Wow wonderful roomate

TuteSweet 13

Friday 26 August 2011 6:41

Is the semester going to be as long as little Jeffery?

MROMRO 0

Friday 26 August 2011 7:19

And then you proceeded to roundhouse kick him right?

ltsune 3

Friday 26 August 2011 7:29

Aw, that's sucks. You should switch school or something! No normal person would ever do what he did. But then again, normal people are boring, right?

theatre91 4

Friday 26 August 2011 9:06

Did u get on ur knees

Keywords

Love Party Awkward Lonely ADHD Transportation Cars Ironic Vacation Work Mental health Miscellaneous Grandparents Accident Covid Health Kids Annoying Shopping Cute Coworkers Dogs Animals Photography Art Videos Exhausted Sex Intimacy Money

The Top

Today, I had sex with someone new for the first time after my 10 year relationship ended. The person was a friend who had been making serious sexual references toward me on and off over the year I've known him. I don't know if I'm more embarrassed that he couldn't keep it up, or that I came from anticipation anyways. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 303

Today, I demanded to know why my boyfriend takes so long in public toilets. He admitted his ex was such a nasty ho, she would drag him into public toilets whenever she wanted dick in public. So now every time he goes in one, he gets a boner and has to "get rid of it" before he can come out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 135

You deserved it 349

The Top

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after 2 years of being together. The reason? I don't enjoy playing video games as much as he does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 191

Today, I was on a date with my boyfriend. As we walked back home from the cinema, he was checking his phone, when suddenly someone grabbed it and ran off. I had to be the one to go run after the thug because my 23-year-old boyfriend froze on the spot, crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 997

You deserved it 5 665

Today, after getting wrongfully terminated from my job, I was told that I would get my severance pay on this date. Since I was fired due to the new owners being ableist and ageist, I expected that they wouldn't send it, as a final "fuck you" to me. I was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 174

Today, I completely lost it when I found out my mom was driving around with my 20-month-old daughter not sat in a car seat. She told me I was overreacting, and that everything was fine since she “prayed for a safe journey.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 857

You deserved it 239

Today, I found out that my boyfriend lied about not only talking to one other girl, but 5 other girls, and it wasn't just talking, it was wanting to meet up, nudes, sex, getting high together etc.. This has been going on for months, and even when I confronted him about it with evidence, he still denied it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 292

You deserved it 196

Today, my dry spell reached the 15-year mark. I've been employed and in shape the whole time, and now I can feel my body wearing out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 079

You deserved it 238

Same thing different taste

Great

Gagging for it

What a jerk!

Top comments

Comments