Intimacy: Today, I wanted to wake up my sweetheart with a surprise blowjob....

By Soline - 08/12/2008 12:05 - France

Today, I wanted to wake up my sweetheart with a surprise blowjob. He surprised me as well with a knee to the stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 244

You deserved it 9 045

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Same thing different taste

Make your mind up!

By nextcontestant16 - 19/11/2012 15:12 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by waking him up with a blowjob, because he had always told me that it was a sexy fantasy of his. When he finally woke up, he got pissed off, rudely accused me of interrupting his beauty sleep, then soundly lay back down and fell asleep again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 596

You deserved it 5 125

Heavy sleeper

By good_aim - 27/07/2013 08:03 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 303

You deserved it 26 914

By Anonymous - 24/05/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, I was lying on the couch with my boyfriend and was feeling tired, so I got a soda. I sat back down and surprised him with a passionate kiss. I also surprised him when I suddenly burped right into his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 189

You deserved it 47 572

By Anonymous - 14/03/2011 19:16 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 962

You deserved it 14 589

Freudian slip

By MollyMadamme - 01/02/2011 00:33

Today, I decided to wake my fiancé up by giving him a blowjob. When he finally started to wake up he called me by his ex's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 968

You deserved it 6 371

By Anonymous - 15/01/2011 05:52 - United States

Today, after work, I came home to my boyfriend sleeping on the couch. Feeling romantic, I started to undo his pants. My reward was him waking up and kneeing me in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 859

You deserved it 27 910

By anonymaiacciu - 22/12/2012 01:16 - France

Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 805

You deserved it 8 964

By Anonymous - 07/04/2015 21:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 026

You deserved it 4 682

By RomanceFail - 02/04/2015 12:51 - United States - Crestwood

Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 041

You deserved it 3 381

Plot twist

By Anonymous - 20/09/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, I surprised my boyfriend with lunch at work. He surprised me too, when I caught him making out with one of his coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 554

You deserved it 69

inlimbo11 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 8:24

#6 scary? really? i remember it to be the best way i've ever woken up. just keep your body over the bed next time, not his legs...

ilaaFML 0

Wednesday 9 June 2010 2:14

speaking from experience? haha

Comments

Ohmygiluvcookies 0

Saturday 19 February 2011 19:48

if you try to give someone a surprise while their sleep, it's always a bad idea!

jess6blondie9 2

Friday 8 April 2011 11:53

Honestly... YDI.

Fruit_Dealer 9

Sunday 24 April 2011 8:08

Thpse french girls are all crazy. I know it cause I myself am french :)

fortgarrison 1

Thursday 5 May 2011 15:10

surprise abortion

Natty23 0

Sunday 7 August 2011 3:07

next time you give him a bj suprize wake him up by "sweet heart wake up, I'm going to hive you something special" then go for a bj

Flocka_23 14

Monday 19 September 2011 6:35

Lol sucks... Did you still give him one???

restl3ss 6

Wednesday 15 August 2012 6:27

You'd be surprised how many fmls there are like this. YDI. "rape reflux". He was asleep. Look it up.

ScenicSubterfuge 39

Sunday 28 April 2013 15:45

My girlfriend does crap like that all the time!! I'll wake up to go down on her and she'll accidentally knew me in the chest or something>.

pandamaster19 3

Saturday 14 September 2013 0:56

well that SUCKS *Ba sum tssss*

jazzmin1997 16

Friday 25 April 2014 20:08

Wow. Always they are insisting you to do it...

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The Top

Today, the guy I was seeing told me he only wants to be friends. Every guy I've dated in the last 10 years has lost interest after we've had sex for the first time, and nobody will tell me why or what I did wrong. I'm going to die alone and I don't even know why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 196

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 779

You deserved it 3 948

The Top

Today, I turned up 5 minutes late to what would have been a 5 minute breast check. After waiting for ages, a nurse asked me what I was doing there. Turns out because I was late, they had put me in the no-show pile, but forgot to tell me when I checked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 539

You deserved it 8 734

Today, I worked in a clinic as a intern. A nurse was called to dry a woman's hair. I followed her, trying to be a good intern. After the nurse was done, the 72 year old woman took off her bathrobe. While looking at me she sat down, her legs wide open. And, yes, she knew she was naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 409

You deserved it 3 417

Today, my boyfriend blew me off yet again because he claims he has a responsibility as a "crew leader" to train and recruit members at all times, to accommodate all time zones. GTA V is ruining our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 259

You deserved it 7 934

Today, I met my new college room-mate. He then introduced me to his imaginary friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 877

You deserved it 2 846

Today, I found out that my boyfriend's mother still calls his ex-girlfriend her "future daughter-in-law". FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 126

You deserved it 3 361

Today, making small talk with my coworkers, I said a restaurant I'd tried recently was "superb". They all gave me weird looks, and one said, "Someone's trying too hard to sound smart." Now I've got a rep as a pseudo-intellectual douchebag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 156

You deserved it 42