Intimacy: Today, I wanted to wake up my sweetheart with a surprise blowjob....

By Soline - 08/12/2008 12:05 - France

Today, I wanted to wake up my sweetheart with a surprise blowjob. He surprised me as well with a knee to the stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 244

You deserved it 9 045

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By nextcontestant16 - 19/11/2012 15:12 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by waking him up with a blowjob, because he had always told me that it was a sexy fantasy of his. When he finally woke up, he got pissed off, rudely accused me of interrupting his beauty sleep, then soundly lay back down and fell asleep again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 596

You deserved it 5 125

Heavy sleeper

By good_aim - 27/07/2013 08:03 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 303

You deserved it 26 914

By Anonymous - 24/05/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, I was lying on the couch with my boyfriend and was feeling tired, so I got a soda. I sat back down and surprised him with a passionate kiss. I also surprised him when I suddenly burped right into his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 189

You deserved it 47 572

By Anonymous - 14/03/2011 19:16 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 962

You deserved it 14 589

Freudian slip

By MollyMadamme - 01/02/2011 00:33

Today, I decided to wake my fiancé up by giving him a blowjob. When he finally started to wake up he called me by his ex's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 968

You deserved it 6 371

By Anonymous - 15/01/2011 05:52 - United States

Today, after work, I came home to my boyfriend sleeping on the couch. Feeling romantic, I started to undo his pants. My reward was him waking up and kneeing me in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 859

You deserved it 27 910

By anonymaiacciu - 22/12/2012 01:16 - France

Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 805

You deserved it 8 964

By Anonymous - 07/04/2015 21:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 026

You deserved it 4 682

By RomanceFail - 02/04/2015 12:51 - United States - Crestwood

Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 041

You deserved it 3 381

Plot twist

By Anonymous - 20/09/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, I surprised my boyfriend with lunch at work. He surprised me too, when I caught him making out with one of his coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 551

You deserved it 69

inlimbo11 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 8:24

#6 scary? really? i remember it to be the best way i've ever woken up. just keep your body over the bed next time, not his legs...

ilaaFML 0

Wednesday 9 June 2010 2:14

speaking from experience? haha

Comments

firstnlast77 0

Friday 13 March 2009 3:37

lol pwned

pinkfrenchrose 5

Saturday 14 March 2009 5:49

lol

MEGAJOSH 0

Saturday 14 March 2009 10:43

Well what did you expect trying to wake him up by farting in his mouth???????

toaster468 0

Monday 26 April 2010 23:13

you sir are a retard, just think, where could she have been where he could knee her in the stomach? his crotch! guess what she did.

TheOptimist 0

Tuesday 27 July 2010 3:17

Get a sense of humor, toaster. I know it was a bad joke, but he was obviously kidding.

blue_bunnie 0

Monday 16 March 2009 2:55

yea, you really should have woke him THEN done it. it's a scary feeling to be woken up that way...

billyboi 0

Tuesday 25 August 2009 4:53

nice dude nice

gomego87 0

Thursday 28 January 2010 5:34

meow

ilaaFML 0

Wednesday 9 June 2010 2:14

speaking from experience? haha

sadoc 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 17:59

thats really sweet of you, dont let one bad experience deter you, just position yourself better next time

tateno 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 22:13

hahahaha ouch! that would of hurt

inlimbo11 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 8:24

#6 scary? really? i remember it to be the best way i've ever woken up. just keep your body over the bed next time, not his legs...

Joeku 0

Sunday 22 March 2009 7:36

Best wakeup call ever. I've never kneed my fiancee in the stomach though lol. Position yourself better next time?

Jackthestripper 0

Friday 10 April 2009 16:01

LOL does he know Krav Maga by any chance??

cradle6 13

Saturday 25 June 2011 19:07

^hahahaha. That's tactical sleep fighting right there

Time2Remission 0

Thursday 16 April 2009 1:30

OUCH!

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The Top

Today, I’m 20 and my mom is well aware I’m having sex. Nonetheless, this morning when my boyfriend was going down on me under the covers, she marched into my room without knocking, dumped a load of wet laundry on my sofa, and walked back out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201

You deserved it 464

Today, I had sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pocket. Turns out he'd written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139 397

You deserved it 14 503

The Top

Today, my new dog broke out of his new crate, ate my door, pissed on the floor, and trashed my room. I got him to help with my anxiety, but all he does is give me more anxiety. The worst part is that I adopted him as a favor to a friend, because she couldn’t handle him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 738

You deserved it 1 194

Today, I was entertaining my niece at the family lunch by painting my lip with calamari ink. My father told me I looked like Ursula, from The Little Mermaid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 366

Today, my psycho mom walked in while I was chilling and having fun with some friends. She kicked them out and now wants to drug test me, because, "Nobody's that happy without drugs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 958

You deserved it 3 068

Today, I yelled at my husband for staying out till after 9 and not having done any of the chores. He turned round and yelled right back at me for letting him sit alone at the restaurant, getting sympathy from the waiters, because I clearly forgot today was our anniversary dinner. Whoops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 271

You deserved it 4 061

Today, I found out that I'm completely and utterly head over heels in love with a man who, as it turns out, doesn't actually exist. Thank you, the internet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 449

You deserved it 678

Today, I was texting the guy I like. He's really smart, funny, athletic, and cute. This all changed when he told me he was jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 934

You deserved it 8 886