Work: Today, I was breaking into a house when three police cruisers...

By ABBenzin - 01/02/2012 16:11 - United States

Today, I was breaking into a house when three police cruisers pulled up. They ran my social, my license plates, and asked me twenty minutes worth of questions, before allowing me to go back to work. I work as a locksmith; the homeowner had lost their keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 439

You deserved it 3 783

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Same thing different taste

By Matthew - 27/11/2011 02:33 - United States

Today, I was arrested for breaking into a house. This is what happens when I lose my key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 888

You deserved it 4 582

By MadameM - 26/02/2009 08:17 - United States

Today, I accidentally locked my car and house keys along with my phone in my car. Then I had to break into my own house looking for the spare. Someone called the police and I had to explain that I lived there. I forgot to grab the spare when I went to talk to the police officers I locked the door behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 140

You deserved it 9 763

Long walk home

By zoe - 15/07/2022 22:00

Today, I got locked out of a building that I work in (I work night shifts). I locked my phone, wallet, and car keys in the building. I had no way of contacting my boss or getting a ride. I had to walk home at night, almost got hit by a car full of dudes yelling slurs, and had a woman scream at me from the passenger seat of a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 216

By FailAtLife - 22/02/2009 04:22 - United States

Today, I had a job interview at a restauraunt opening up. One manager hypothetically asked me why I should be hired. I said I was more efficient than most. I left to find I'd locked my keys in the car. It took all the managers to help me get my keys out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 190

You deserved it 33 748

By MattVh - 12/01/2010 17:23 - Belgium

Today, someone had put a lock on my bike. While I was trying to saw it off, the police drove by. I was arrested for trying to steal a bike and released four hours later when they figured out that it was actually my bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 938

You deserved it 2 462

Let em in

By Anonymous - 29/07/2022 10:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, my neighbour called to say a crazy drunk man was breaking into my house. Thankfully, the police were already there, questioning me about “attempted unlawful entry” into my own house. My keys had been taken from a friend so I wouldn’t drive. It's 1°C and I still haven’t gotten inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 805

You deserved it 231

Confess!

By hitandrun - 10/08/2009 18:28 - United States

Today, I hit a parked car and fled because I was so scared. Four hours later, the cops showed up at my house so I broke down crying confessing everything. Turns out, they weren't there about the car I hit. They were alerting me about the string of burglaries in my neighborhood recently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 224

You deserved it 76 106

By Jason - 12/08/2010 20:33 - United States

Today, I spent forty minutes trying to break into my own house after being locked out. After finally getting in through a small unlocked window, I discovered my keys in my pants pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 733

You deserved it 44 400

Thanks for your help

By forgotten - 28/02/2013 00:42 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I saw my car being broken into on the street below my apartment. Too scared to stop them myself, I called the police. Before I could even tell them what was going on, they put me on hold. It was a good 5 minutes before I realized they'd hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 210

You deserved it 3 987

Bad day

By Anonymous - 12/11/2010 05:37 - United States

Today, I accidentally set off an alarm at the school I work for. No one was there, I didn't have the code or password the company needed, my boss wouldn't answer his phone, 3 policemen interrogated me and asked for ID but realized I left home without my wallet. There was nothing I could do. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 200

You deserved it 5 814

MubeenMV3 5

Wednesday 1 February 2012 18:48

Ohh sht, the first sentence of this FML is so misleading lmao

babybebop2 4

Wednesday 1 February 2012 18:48

Ha I started reading like "you deserved it" then Im like oh no that sucks

Comments

snapcracklefizz 0

Sunday 5 February 2012 2:37

So-in-so? Don't you mean so-and-so? Wtf.

nvo 6

Monday 6 February 2012 5:18

Why isn't the homeowner right by your side to back you up?

needsagf14 12

Monday 6 February 2012 6:21

This is a LOT like that run-in that somehow involved the president a couple years ago...

Heinousness 0

Wednesday 29 February 2012 1:14

**** me for taking the first sentence of this FML seriously. By the way FYL

TylerDirty 15

Thursday 12 April 2012 22:59

Does that happen a lot? being a locksmith and opening locked doors all the time.

Parisgirl34 12

Friday 1 June 2012 1:34

I agree with #1 the first sentence is very misleading

Silly_Lilly6969 23

Thursday 28 March 2013 4:26

Oh man I clicked you deserved it because of the 1st sentence lol and then I kept reading.

noelleflores97 12

Saturday 13 April 2013 0:52

Don't start an FML with a crime, I was quick to judge on that one.

Lucky7Samson 10

Saturday 13 April 2013 1:02

Are you by chance a black locksmith? LOL

shannon2348 14

Tuesday 21 January 2020 4:04

And.... not really getting the fml part if this.

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I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 29

Today, my parents were watching videos of police officers dealing with stubborn suspects. I overheard my mom saying, "It's like a Christian trying to argue with an atheist about God" and my dad agreed. Good to know that they're still as intolerant as ever, and it will never be safe for me to come out as an atheist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 187

The Top

Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 651

You deserved it 16 042

Today, while talking to my sister, I explained to her that the reason I hope I end up having a girl is I want my daughter to love me the way I "used" to love my own mother. I didn't mean to say it in the past tense. My sister told my mom. She's planning my baby shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 965

You deserved it 7 091

Today, I drove 4 hours to see a girl I’ve been messaging with for months. Her friends came along for everything. I opted to sleep in my car, and go fishing alone. I didn’t know the river was near a nuclear power plant, so I’m probably sterile now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 407

Today, I gave in and let my friend give me a makeover. She couldn't find my eyelash curler, but decided that if she used scissors lightly, it would work just the same. Needless to say, it did not work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 485

You deserved it 30 880

Today, my boss told me that he is really getting scared of Covid-19. He's too cheap for tests. His solution? He'll work from home for 2 weeks while I meet with all employees 1-1. If I don’t get sick, he'll feel OK coming back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 562

You deserved it 123

Today, while shaving in the shower, my mother banged on the bathroom door to tell me something, right as I went to shave under my left armpit, causing me to jump and cut open my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 638

You deserved it 2 056