Miscellaneous: Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked...

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By um... what the fuck, miss? - 02/08/2013 20:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers, when an elderly lady came up to me and murmured, "Make sure you use lots of lube, or that'll hurt. Been there, sweetheart." What the HELL? FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 811

You deserved it 6 146

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 26/06/2009 04:16 - United States

Today, I was cashiering at a grocery store when an elderly woman came through my line buying prune juice. She then whispered to me that last time she bought it, she "blew up her toilet". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 592

You deserved it 2 881

By speechless - 01/06/2013 00:50 - United Kingdom - Wallasey

Today, at the supermarket, an old lady asked for directions to the produce aisle. Having read way too many stories lately on this very site about awful elderly folks, I was wary, but helped her out. She gave me an awkward hug in thanks, lifting my wallet in the process, as I later found out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 122

You deserved it 6 094

By beckbm23 - 21/11/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, at work at a grocery store an old couple came through my checkout lane. As I was putting their bagged groceries in the cart, the old man started feeling me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 173

You deserved it 2 598

Thanks for sharing

By uni life - 15/05/2012 08:08 - Australia - Perth

Today, whilst working in a pharmacy, I was given the pleasure of listening to an old lady share the details of what she sticks up her vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 230

You deserved it 2 854

By Anonymous - 09/06/2013 14:29 - United States - Greenwood

Today, I went to the local pharmacy to buy some condoms. When I went to go purchase them, the elderly lady behind the counter took one look at me and said, "Honey, you're your own birth control." FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 571

You deserved it 10 551

By yournick - 31/01/2011 21:23 - Canada

Today, at my job as a cashier, a very old man came through my checkout. His purchase consisted of a box of condoms and a can of whipped cream. The creepy smile he gave me has scarred me for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 265

You deserved it 4 837

By the_captain - 23/06/2009 00:21 - United States

Today, I was cashiering at Target when an old woman came into my checkout line. Her items? Variety pack of pleasuring condoms, a bottle of KY sensual lube, and two colorful thongs. As I'm scanning these, she leans in and whispers, "I love toys." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 709

You deserved it 3 520

By grannysmack - 11/07/2009 09:10 - United States

Today, as I was bent over at my waitressing job an elderly woman walked by and smacked my ass. I looked at her, shocked, and she said, "It was too tempting with you bent over like that, I have a dirty old mind." I didn't know whether to be flattered or horrified. Maybe both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 880

You deserved it 6 560

Helper Blues

By Fat and Embarrassed - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Palmdale

Today, I asked an elderly customer at my work if she needed help with her groceries. She responded, "I normally would, but I'm afraid you'll eat all the groceries." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 218

You deserved it 1 503

Thanks, I guess…

By unsatisfied - 09/03/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, I was working at the grocery store and a very old woman wanted to give me a tip for bagging her groceries. She slid a quarter into my pocket against my thigh as deep down as she could get it, then she gave me a smile and a wink. I was groped by a grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 384

You deserved it 4 433

AllegroRubato 16

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:32

Veteran of a thousand wars.

JoeGrant 12

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:32

Well clearly she's no stranger to home made pickles...

Comments

BrianaKoala 7

Saturday 3 August 2013 19:47

XD Just yesterday I heard this joke: Do you know the difference between being hungry and horny? Where you put the cucumber.

justmeCee 16

Saturday 3 August 2013 20:18

LOL...Ewwww

Crystal55621 19

Saturday 3 August 2013 21:00

Was this a fail joke or are you just trying to cover your mistake?

Obey_StudBoii 23

Sunday 4 August 2013 5:20

Lol the hell? A little to much tmi from granny lol.

greatfirstdate 18

Saturday 10 August 2013 4:24

"to much tmi"?

polkadots123 2

Sunday 4 August 2013 6:10

So apparently YOU are a hypocrite. You are just trying to cover up your comment so stop lying.

athos1237 4

Sunday 4 August 2013 6:34

That was sound advice from someone with experience.

jjboy221 4

Sunday 4 August 2013 22:55

dang haha

TheLawOfSod 4

Wednesday 7 August 2013 2:58

Har har pickle joke. <3 family guy. Also "few cucumbers" not cheaper than buying one at a time..

SentrytheDefient 4

Wednesday 7 August 2013 5:53

and they say a good story never starts with a salad.

AlWAYSN4EVR 13

Tuesday 13 August 2013 7:14

I hate it so much when people just assume something about you. If you're not sure about a situation, you either keep your mouth shut or just ask. It's that simple!