Intimacy: Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This...

By pride? what's that? :( - 01/09/2012 00:23 - Belgium - Leuven

Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 805

You deserved it 40 500

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Same thing different taste

By nazirah4shizzle - 15/05/2015 19:54 - United States

Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to wake me up by fingering me. Let's just say going to the ER to get your tampon dug out isn't fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 418

You deserved it 3 490

By Chester (Seattle) - 09/09/2010 02:15 - United States

Today, I got circumcised. After the surgery, my girlfriend got drunk and texted all of her friends about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 954

You deserved it 5 821

By Anonymous - 08/01/2010 11:48 - United States

Today, I woke up and felt that my arm was sore. I got so drunk last night, I got an unprofessional tattoo of a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 921

You deserved it 50 992

By Redhairchick - 06/11/2016 07:08

Today, I got severe diarrhea while out dancing with friends. On my way home, I got hit with the urge again. I couldn't find an open toilet and I had to resort to relieving myself in an alley. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 065

You deserved it 933

Take it easy

By Anonymous - 21/08/2021 16:01

Today, I woke up from a night of serious depression, drinking by myself at home, to find a USB stick wrapped in plastic up my vagina, with "Top secret" written on it. There was nothing on the stick when I checked. I may need to give tequila a rest and switch back to gin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 1 839

By Anonymous - 26/07/2019 20:00

Today, I got home after a night of drinking with my coworker. We hooked up, but he was so drunk he had to use a flashlight to put it in. Then, he ran out of the room to throw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 763

You deserved it 901

By ERnightmare - 02/08/2018 21:00 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I was lucky to have an extremely attractive doctor operating on me. This would have been great had he not been removing a foreign object from my vagina after an ill-fated masturbation session. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 116

You deserved it 4 267

By Anonymous - 21/06/2012 17:43 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 816

You deserved it 3 070

Hot hot hot

By Anonymous - 03/06/2022 12:00

Today, I'm in hospital. During date night, after sex was over, I reached for my whiskey. I was already so drunk, I accidentally picked up the lit candle which was in a glass roughly the same size as my whiskey glass, and poured melted wax in my mouth, up my nose, and in my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 2 222

By Anonymous - 12/04/2015 15:42 - Belgium

Today, what started with me forcing a shit a little too hard ended up with me being rushed to the hospital with appendicitis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 517

You deserved it 2 901

UnluckyIrishKid 9

Saturday 1 September 2012 5:06

Was the doctor atleast anal about the proceure? All pieces removed?

eggmarie 25

Saturday 1 September 2012 5:11

I'm not even thinking about the hospital trip. I'm trying to figure out how the ride there went.

Comments

Frank_H83 6

Saturday 1 September 2012 6:33

Damn, you are gorgeous girl! Just sayin lol

jayfreeman 0

Saturday 1 September 2012 6:38

Perhaps next time you decide to get intimate with your "special *****" it would be best if you don't drink first. Hope you at least had a great ****** and that the Dr gave your special ***** back unharmed. YDI

xxdark 3

Saturday 1 September 2012 6:39

****** were definitely not made with just women in mind! Definitely, definitely not. Take a trip down to your local sex store if you don't believe me. There are some things there that even the most adventurous of women will not venture to. Also, the men's section is a dead giveaway..

afgzz 2

Saturday 1 September 2012 6:48

Shoulda just came to me lol

supportcommand 17

Saturday 1 September 2012 6:55

Could be worse. Two girls one cup anyone? One man one jar? Op could have probably just had a squat and give a good heave ho. Fire it right out.

Kibaruto 33

Saturday 1 September 2012 6:59

I would say "Doesn't matter, had sex", but the context and the ignorance involved would both make me throw myself into the nearest oncoming train.

UndreamtKarma 6

Saturday 1 September 2012 17:19

I like your style

BatemanFML 0

Saturday 1 September 2012 7:00

The ***** said, "Hold your breath, I'm going in dry." And never came out.

Kibaruto 33

Saturday 1 September 2012 7:02

So, did the ***** go as far as the hospital bill did?

celine21_fml 0

Saturday 1 September 2012 9:11

Yeah unless insurance covers ****** going up peoples asses

btx2 9

Saturday 1 September 2012 7:08

Sexy

fleurie 6

Saturday 1 September 2012 7:17

I once had a patient who use the bristle-end of a toothbrush. Up his junk in the front. Yeah. Your story sounds less painful, but equally as...difficult. Ahem. Hope your butt is okay.