Health: Today, I was finally able to get up and take a shit after being...

By 092492 - 05/03/2011 21:53 - United States

Today, I was finally able to get up and take a shit after being bedridden due to my knee surgery. I had diarrhea and because I can't properly bend my knee, I can't wipe my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 541

You deserved it 3 993

When Christmas Ends Badly…
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Same thing different taste

Pain in the ass

By Anonymous - 17/06/2021 22:01 - United States - Greenville

Today, I awoke to an excruciating pain in my back from sleeping in the same position all night. I can't wipe my own ass. I've already gone to shit twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 127

By Anonymous - 14/05/2012 03:14 - United States

Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 789

You deserved it 3 069

By sadface - 04/01/2010 06:43 - Australia

Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 489

You deserved it 7 423

Ring of fire

By Anonymous - 26/03/2023 12:00 - United States - Ardmore

Today, I have a bad case of diarrhea. The worst part isn’t even sharting in bed while sleeping naked. It’s the severe asshole pain from having to wipe my ass twenty times in twelve hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 720

You deserved it 156

By Anonymous - 17/07/2019 16:09

Today, I was using a disabled toilet. I'm disabled partly because of spinal problems. While I was doing my business, the whole toilet fell to the floor, leaving me sitting in a puddle of my own urine and smashed porcelain, with even more spinal problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 490

You deserved it 113

By Numbass123 - 04/05/2014 17:17 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 449

You deserved it 11 656

Ouch!

By Anonymous - 14/06/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I have such poor joints that I dislocated my hip trying to twist to wipe my own ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 82

Slid right out

By Tabby Rosas - 21/02/2021 21:30

Today, after 8 days of being on a medication that makes it hard to go to the bathroom and no luck taking laxatives and drinking coffee and apple juice, I finally got to go. Too bad I was at my desk at work when it happened. I washed out my pants in the bathroom and got to sit in wet pants for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 86

HELP! I NEED SOMEBODY!

By Anonymous - 26/07/2022 16:00

Today, I stayed home from work because I'd had diarrhea for 24 hours and my gut felt horrible. I decided to at least enjoy some sun on my back porch in my swing chair. I stepped on an old board and my leg fell through to the knee, I couldn't move, and I was home alone. My neighbor cut the board that got me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 125

Help! I need somebody!

By Anonymous - 16/07/2022 16:00

Today, I just had knee surgery which has put me on crutches for 6 weeks. I fell on my ass after washing my hands after using the bathroom. Ashamed, my boyfriend and father had to pick me up. I destroyed the towel rack, ripping it of the wall. All this pain is now potentially for nothing. It's day 4 post operation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 130

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

Sunday 6 March 2011 1:42

Do you wipe your ass with your feet then? I usually use my hands, so I don't see why I'd need to bend my legs, but FYL anyway.

marleyvk 0

Sunday 6 March 2011 1:33

I don't see how you couldn't wipe your behind without bending your knee... I'm pretty sure if you just stand up and spread your legs you could do it.

Comments

cyanidesandwich 21

Sunday 6 March 2011 5:06

well it looks lile it is time for you to go shopping for a bidet

ctlnaaia71 8

Sunday 6 March 2011 5:17

Soooo you wipe your ass with your foot??? that's the only way you can't wipe it because of your knee. Next time try to wipe it with your hand. Oh, and don't forget to use some toilet paper.

she9909 0

Sunday 6 March 2011 5:24

tmi

OregonJeff 3

Sunday 6 March 2011 7:53

Uh, most FMLs are TMI. That's kinda the point.

mgp1982 0

Sunday 6 March 2011 5:27

that's some funny shit lol

zasiel 3

Sunday 6 March 2011 5:30

unless you are overweight there shouldn't be a problem with wiping. and people can sit on a toilet without bending one knee, it involves walker, handrail, or good balance.