Work: Today, I was giving lifeguard instructions to a couple of teens....

By Australian Lifeguard - 22/10/2014 03:18 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I was giving lifeguard instructions to a couple of teens. When I quizzed them about what they should do when someone is choking, one of them said, "Take a step back" and winked at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 856

You deserved it 4 032

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Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 11/08/2009 08:58 - United States

Today, I was at the pool, casually flirting with one of the lifeguards. He said that he would gladly give me CPR, in the event that I needed it. I laughed and thanked him, stating that it was a sweet idea, even though I wouldn't be needing assistance. I then choked on my bottled water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 937

You deserved it 44 867

Bad moon rising

By Anonymous - 28/03/2024 14:00 - United States - Salem

Today, I was working my lifeguard job when I had to remind a 17 year-old boy that water is clear and that I could see him pulling his trunks down to moon his friends. Kind of want to drown myself now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 93

Baywatch

By Anonymous - 02/10/2017 19:30 - United States - Stony Brook

Today, I went to the university pool. There was this cute lifeguard there, and every time I got out of the water I saw her looking at me, so I walked up to her and asked if everything was OK. She told me she thought I was going to drown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 349

You deserved it 509

By kaitlyna15 - 01/08/2012 01:54 - United States - Bellevue

Today, while life-guarding, I had to explain to teenage boys that shoving objects up each others' butts and complaining that someone was giving them anal was inappropriate at a family facility in front of kids under the age of 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 010

You deserved it 1 809

By heyyoitsapotato - 31/05/2013 02:35 - United States

Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the pool. When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it, another kid promptly stared at me, stood at the shallow end right where I was standing, pulled down his trunks, and peed on my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 136

You deserved it 3 300

By Anonymous - 11/06/2011 00:14 - United States

Today, I was swimming at the water park, when out of nowhere a lifeguard bombed into the pool, grabbed me, and hauled me to the surface, running his hands over my chest in the process. Apparently, the way I swim makes it look like I'm in my drowning death throes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 445

You deserved it 7 721

By spaghett - 29/08/2016 20:32 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after jumping into a public swimming pool, the female lifeguard, who I have had a crush on for years whistled at me. When I got out of the water, she handed me the bathing suit I'd apparently lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 162

You deserved it 1 821

STOP!

By lamelifeguard - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Morrison

Today, someone at my workplace yelled at me and filed a complaint for staring at them too often. I'm a lifeguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 096

You deserved it 4 473

By Anonymous - 29/05/2012 18:43 - United States - Springfield

Today, while taking part in a lifeguarding exercise, I was supposed to "drown" to get another guard to save me. After all was done, my boss called me into his office and screamed at me for "drowning the wrong way," and threatening our reputation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 366

You deserved it 2 177

Little perv

By cplaner - 04/02/2009 12:56 - United States

Today, I was teaching swim lessons. I got felt up by a 6 year-old boy. Three times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 755

You deserved it 5 238

Queensland 27

Wednesday 22 October 2014 12:54

Lucky he's near water, cuz he sounds thirsty as ****.

Migillope 10

Wednesday 22 October 2014 12:39

That's just awkward.

Comments

rexza 11

Wednesday 22 October 2014 14:22

*Hands award*

awkwardology 23

Wednesday 22 October 2014 14:27

I like how your username is displayed as "Australian Surfer" but your location says you're in Arizona.

chazzywazzy654 22

Wednesday 22 October 2014 20:21

*Australian Lifegaurd

charissaoz 7

Wednesday 22 October 2014 14:30

Back up a few inches.

telli164 30

Wednesday 22 October 2014 15:09

Hope the lesson ended there for McPerve

strike2867 13

Wednesday 22 October 2014 15:37

Is his name Barney?

rekkas 16

Wednesday 22 October 2014 15:40

I don't get it

strike2867 13

Wednesday 22 October 2014 15:59

What does it say about a guy if he doesn't get it?

toomanyidiots 14

Wednesday 22 October 2014 19:23

He was implying that someone would be choking on his dick, which is why he would take a step back. It took me a while to get it...

nikmiester 7

Saturday 25 October 2014 14:25

You're an alien in disguise

NodakN8V 25

Wednesday 22 October 2014 17:29

I laughed harder than I probably should have at this ...

bobslawnservice 16

Wednesday 22 October 2014 17:38

Me too. Nothing wrong with a bit of blue humour to break the ice.

pussycat19 4

Wednesday 22 October 2014 19:53

Haha, that's a good response! made me lol. :)

goaliestud30 23

Wednesday 22 October 2014 20:39

Lol

Dodge4x4Ram 46

Wednesday 22 October 2014 20:44

lifeguard**

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I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 15

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend. He was at the police station for breaking into a model home to hook up with the girl he's been cheating on me with for the past four months. I was his one phone call. He was expecting me to bail him out. FML

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You deserved it 3 775

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Today, I wanted to look really good for my date. I was a little self-conscious, so I decided to use Nair on my upper lip just in case I had a female mustache. Unfortunately, it turns out I'm allergic to Nair. Now I DO have a mustache. A rash mustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 008

You deserved it 16 608

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He seemed thrilled, and went to buy some wine to celebrate. He left 11 hours ago and won't come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 459

You deserved it 8 002

Today, I received an email from my boyfriend. It contained a link to a site that was titled "How to Give Head". It also said "Have a nice day!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 437

You deserved it 7 585

Today, I had to lie to my therapist about my sex life to make myself feel better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 241

You deserved it 6 555

Today, while waiting tables, I watched a woman pull the bacon off her roast beef melt and eat it. She then called me over and spent several minutes complaining about the our chefs' inadequacy because they didn't put bacon on her sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 843

You deserved it 1 900

Today, I took my driving test for the first time. The instructor stopped it after less than ten minutes, and insisted she drive back to the test centre "in the interest of public safety." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 645

You deserved it 41 038