Intimacy: Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time,... - FML

By Mike - 21/02/2009 22:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 963

You deserved it 7 658

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

Show and tell

By Boyufd - 22/04/2020 23:00

Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 179

You deserved it 312

Unwarranted

By Ryan - 20/12/2011 17:57 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 688

You deserved it 60 146

"shortcomings"

By Anonymous - 24/02/2018 01:30

Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other, or so I thought. I heard her on the phone with her sister saying that I’m definitely the smallest dick she’s ever had, but the size of my bank account encourages her to overlook my shortcomings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 927

You deserved it 643

Humblebrag

By Anonymous - 01/02/2023 06:00

Spicy

Today, I learned that my insecurities regarding my dick size were unfounded, as my girlfriend gushed over my dick and said it was amazing. We then got down to business, and almost immediately heard, "Ow! Fuck, that's my cervix! This hurts! Stop!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 685

You deserved it 1 235

By Anonymous - 03/02/2013 16:27 - Serbia

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 807

You deserved it 5 456

By Anonymous - 06/10/2011 16:17 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 661

You deserved it 11 279

By Anonymous - 09/10/2012 08:38 - United States - Murrieta

Spicy

Today, I noticed that my penis looks tiny in my girlfriend's hands. Without thinking, I pointed it out to her. Now she thinks I have a small cock, and I think she has man-hands. Either way, we're both turned off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 146

You deserved it 36 930

By herve - 22/05/2009 19:50 - Lebanon

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 024

You deserved it 11 617

Small guy

By no luck chuck - 09/10/2021 02:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I knew I was a small guy and finally about to get laid for the first time in years. Everything was going great, until she got my pants off. She stared at it, stared at me, stared back at it and said, "Yeah, that’s not gonna happen." Got dressed and left. Sadly this has happened many times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 907

You deserved it 224

By Ihatemylife - 03/03/2013 12:17 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Spicy

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend asked me, "Are you sure you're a guy?" I still have no idea what that was for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 873

You deserved it 6 363

Next

Top comments

graycee7 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 0:59

that is so horrible. Dump her.

rainesan 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 1:46

Well, considering that 90% of nerve endings in the ****** are in the first inch or so of the ****** (especially near the opening) and the g-spot is only about 2 inches in there isn't really a need for a large penis...really a large penis would miss those most sensitive areas

Comments

Rollercoaster_fml 0

Monday 23 February 2009 23:07

#34... thinking positive is good, but you have to admit if you had to chose whether your bf, hypothetically speaking, gets a small or big penis, you'd take the big one. It's comments like yours that give guys false hope. Its better to know the truth and work from there.

heathallin 0

Tuesday 24 February 2009 16:00

ive never been told it by a girl, i guess theyve all been nice, but i feel the pain.

Warlock_fml 0

Tuesday 24 February 2009 17:40

You should have punched her right in the ****. Yeah, ruin her shit.

Warlock_fml 0

Thursday 26 February 2009 0:55

@ 39 Wanna do another guy with a small dick? :-D

bigweber77 0

Saturday 28 February 2009 10:10

lol i feel for you bro. Not everyone has a big unit... and rofl at 21

mylifesuxass 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 2:28

damnnnn, shove a pencil up her ass

alplhawolf0019 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 5:19

Dump her. If she actually gives a rats ass about what sort of person you are, she wouldn't have said that sort of thing unless she was nonchalantly joking- which is still uncalled for.

Thechea 0

Wednesday 4 March 2009 17:04

You should tell her you do get made fun of in the locker room, but not for having a small dick, but for being with her. Then call her a ****, backhand the girl, put on your top hat, and walk out the door.

TURBO007420 0

Wednesday 4 March 2009 18:47

LMAO @ #21......Chris Brown that bitch On a serious note, you should never, ever, ever hit a woman....but you can shake the shit out of one!!!

strawmaster 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 7:43

hahaha thats a low blow

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Keywords

Awkward Love Friends Miscellaneous Cute Haircut Relatable Cars You're fired Work Parenting Kids Family DIY Cats Am I overreacting? Sex Intimacy Management Poopoo peepee Capitalism Coworkers Frustration Dogs Animals ADHD Transportation Dating Health Anxiety

The Top

Today, for my husband's birthday next weekend, I booked a holiday which he was happy about… until I told him it was a surprise family holiday so I'd invited his kids and their families. Now he doesn’t want to go and has made up a fake work emergency. He’s a bus driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 1 242

Today, I tried reaching out to a brand on Instagram, telling them I'm a rising influencer and would love a free sample of some of their products to review. They replied back with a laughing emoji and "You have 44 followers. Eat shit." Then they posted it on their story, with my name listed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 1 462

The Top

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to give his mother a box of chocolates and flowers for Mother's Day. She just stared at them and said, "What's this for? You're not my daughter, and never will be. But I'll keep the chocolate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 894

You deserved it 6 316

Today, my parents found my box of condoms. I'm 20, so it's no big deal, and they commended my responsibility. What they don't know is I don't talk to any girls, and I bought those condoms to jerk off into. FML

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 384

Today, after being unemployed for almost two years, I was turned down for yet another job. The reason this time? I live too far from the job. I can see the building from my bedroom window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 527

You deserved it 4 610

Today, when I dropped my 6-year-old daughter off at school, a little boy ran up to her so I asked his name. My daughter explained: "Oh, don't pay any attention to him, he's my slave. He's come to carry my bag. See you later, mom!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 567

You deserved it 56

Today, I was unloading Cokes outside of the movie theater I work at. While bent over, I heard someone call out, "Damn girl, you got a fat ass," followed by, "Oh God, that's a man!" I am indeed a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 423

You deserved it 2 886

Today, my dad was teasing me, saying a guy would have to be blind to go on a date with me. I then introduced him to my new, visually impaired boyfriend. He hasn't stopped laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 177

You deserved it 7 060