Intimacy: Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, when I noticed a...

By horsefuck - 07/08/2015 12:51 - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, when I noticed a large piece of broccoli wedged between her teeth. I have no idea how she didn't feel it, but I couldn't stop fixating on it and started going soft. I had to cry out, fake an orgasm, then toss the condom really quickly to spare her feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 566

You deserved it 6 893

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Andrew - 23/10/2012 19:12 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate, and I gave her a condom to put on me. She tried to open it with her teeth, but ripped it. That was my only condom. I'm now sitting here watching a soap opera with a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 487

You deserved it 11 465

Communication

By GoneLimp - 07/03/2017 20:00 - United States - Havelock

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend doggy-style and noticed a piece of toilet paper had been "left behind". I had such a bad internal conflict about whether to tell her or to remove it myself, I went limp. She started crying and accused me of not being attracted to her anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 952

You deserved it 1 648

Fruit and veg

By dan - 25/06/2013 04:22 - United States - Phoenix

Today, after going out to dinner with my girlfriend, we went back to my place and things started getting hot. I went in the bathroom and put on a green condom. She wouldn't have sex with me because it looked "like a cucumber" and "cucumbers are nasty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 361

You deserved it 15 387

By Rob - 06/06/2012 16:02 - United States - Neoga

Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 751

You deserved it 42 645

Newbie

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 18:18 - Singapore

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 620

You deserved it 7 746

By Anonymous - 30/12/2015 15:21 - Canada - Aurora

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 164

You deserved it 5 571

By Perdito_Coño - 05/09/2014 20:55 - Australia - Quakers Hill

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she started fake-moaning like a pornstar before I even entered her, totally killing the mood and my boner. She swore she hadn't moaned, accused me of not finding her attractive enough, and angrily left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 757

You deserved it 7 617

By Anonymous - 22/12/2013 08:45 - Canada - Richmond

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, she stopped moaning and told me to stop because she couldn't fake it anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 529

You deserved it 16 764

Feelings

By Anonymous - 29/07/2013 00:46 - United States - Beaumont

Today, my girlfriend and I were going at it doggy style, really fast, when she started laughing. I asked her what was so amusing and she giggled, "I can't feel anything in there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 605

You deserved it 9 799

By Tyler - 19/11/2011 08:05 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. In an attempt to be romantic, I tried taking her panties off with my teeth. I got a mouthful of pubes stuck in my braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 251

You deserved it 34 503

LibertyLife20 20

Saturday 8 August 2015 0:05

Or tell her she has broccoli in her teeth

cutycat136 28

Saturday 8 August 2015 0:12

If you had have told her, she probably would have thought nothing of it, fixed the problem, and you could have had a real ****** instead of faking it

Comments

phreaker913 21

Saturday 8 August 2015 4:49

did it ever occur to you to, you know, SAY something about it? i mean, you tell her, she fixes it, you go back to it. Another (slightly not ok) option would be to make out with her and try to dislodge it with your tongue

whitetiger13131 26

Saturday 8 August 2015 4:57

I honestly think you win boyfriend if the month

Boysonthebottle 1

Saturday 8 August 2015 5:13

Haha that's Awesome.... What a beauty. A funny story like that could win you $1000 on Boysonthebottledotcom

parrchristianna 14

Saturday 8 August 2015 5:23

her feelings might be hurt because it caused him to go soft not because she had food in her teeth

shartmydarts 8

Saturday 8 August 2015 5:51

You are no man

loserface210 11

Saturday 8 August 2015 5:59

I mean.. at least you spared her feelings. Otherwise this would've said something along the lines of "I tried to tell my girlfriend the food in her teeth was distracting, then she refused to have sex with me for weeks.. Then all these ladies calling you immature would've been saying you're an asshole, or insensitive, or whatever. Hey, maybe she faked it too. Try going for round two.