By Anonymous - 24/04/2013 18:56 - United States - Huntington Park

Spicy
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
I agree, your life sucks 82 464
You deserved it 9 862

Same thing different taste

Comments

Maybe you were in a weird or awkward position that made it difficult to fully feel the entirety of your manhood.

GuessWhatKids 13

77 - It is. People like to thumbs up any comments that say something nice to the OP.

You weren't there, maybe that's how it happened. Why bother knocking ops self esteem down even more? He already feels bad.

Tell her "It's not the meat it's the motion" OP. it's not true and she won't believe it but maybe you can salvage a little teeny weeny bit of self esteem!

Or he can salvage his teeny "weiny" self esteem.

Sulphuric_Glue 16

The world is life saving medicine. Like penis enlargement pills.

Damn it. I meant to say the world is full of life saving medicine.

We all knew what you meant. Didn't make it any better.

perdix 29

You should put some super-stiff hair gel on your pubes -- that'll fool her for the next date or two.

It's not merely the size of the boat, but rather, the motion of the ocean. Unless there is a raging typhoon. Ask your gf if she is a massive, ship crushing hurricane. If that answer is yes, tell her to sew it up and take her charlatan tricks elsewhere.

perdix 29

#17, that's only partly right. Yes, you don't need to have a supertanker, but, on the other hand, a little dinghy is not going to get the job done. For her pleasure, you should have at least a nice tugger.

Why are we using marine metaphors for sex?

#68 - Because the homophones "seamen" and "semen" both apply, so why not eliminate confusion?

Sulphuric_Glue 16

It also depends on whether or not you can make the enemy ship explode with your guns.

You might want to go see a doctor if you feel insecure. But yet again, he might direct you to Weenie Hut General.

TheCutestLizard 28

Why was she trying to touch your penis if it was your first time making out with her?! Shouldn't she be nervous or something?

afallingstar 22

Not nervous...but that does seem a bit forward for the first time making out...

Sounds like she doesn't even know what "hard" is then.

LuckBeNimble 19

Interesting that it's the guys who say it's how you use it...