Work: Today, I was performing CPR on a woman on her floor while her...

By EMT_Koulianos - 25/05/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, I was performing CPR on a woman on her floor while her internal defibrillator kept firing, making her whole body jump. When it fired, her hand went straight up into my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 131

You deserved it 4 091

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Same thing different taste

By Whoopsie - 25/07/2018 05:00

Today, I had to call 911 and explain to the operator that my girlfriend orgasmed so hard she had a seizure and passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 355

You deserved it 582

By Anonymous - 28/10/2014 18:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a first aid training course. I had to lie on the floor and pretend I was unconscious. We were supposed to be doing the recovery position, but the guy I was working with decided to perform CPR instead and grope my boobs in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 552

You deserved it 3 485

Easy mistake

By helper - 01/12/2009 06:15 - Costa Rica

Today, while dining at a restaurant I heard a women choking. I immediately ran to her, wrapped my arms around her and started giving her abdominal thrusts. She freed herself and slapped me. Turns out she wasn't choking, she was just laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 673

You deserved it 34 833

Timewaster

By HMM - 28/07/2010 11:42 - United States

Today, I received a call while at the dispatch station for the Naval hospital I work at. It was a woman having a panic attack. Apparently, she couldn't plug her vacuum in, and was more or less freaking out. I had to take her in anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 021

You deserved it 3 004

Wakey wakey

By sacked - 22/02/2010 19:51 - United States

Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 369

You deserved it 24 018

By ouch... - 03/03/2010 11:13 - United States

Today, while trying to pull a nail out of some wood with a crowbar in my theatre class, my girlfriend, who was holding down the wood with her foot, thought it would be funny to move her foot and make me lose my balance. Instead, the crowbar flew up and struck me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 174

You deserved it 3 412

By thedullard - 16/02/2009 05:35 - United States

Today, at the gym, I see a person laying unconscious on the ground with people crowded around. Previously being a lifeguard, and knowing CPR, I ran over and asked a man what happened, preparing to check his vitals. I then realized that the body was a dummy and the employees were doing a drill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 459

You deserved it 31 237

By mrWrong - 25/03/2009 01:20 - United States

Today, my rescue squad unit responded to a 911 call from a woman who felt she was going to pass out. We knocked on her locked door a couple times with no answer. Fearing she might be unconscious, I kicked in the door. She was about to open it and only passed out from the concussion I gave her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101 966

You deserved it 12 116

By EpicFailAtItsFinest - 13/04/2009 02:49 - United States

Today, I was working as a lifeguard. A woman began to have a seizure. Nervous, I went into shock and walked into a tree, knocking myself out. Post seizure, the woman stood up and walked away. Later, I woke up in the hospital. The ambulance had arrived to take her, but ended up taking me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 511

You deserved it 19 525

By janedoe - 12/02/2009 22:21 - United States

Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home calling bingo numbers. One woman stood up and started making noises, so I assumed she had won and started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 811

You deserved it 12 748

heyyou1203 0

Monday 25 May 2009 22:05

:-( sorry dude, you were doing a great deed and you got injured. I'd still give you a pat on the back though.

lowfiwhiteguy 0

Monday 25 May 2009 22:19

AICD's have been around for a long time. they work the same as the pads, sending massive wattage across your heart and will cause a convulsion in the limbs. go google it ffs.

Comments

emt_phalcon 0

Tuesday 26 May 2009 6:34

LadyMedic --- ya good for not talking about torsades de pointes... people might thing you mean that the tortoise is the point.....

PuraVida1024 0

Tuesday 26 May 2009 6:35

Yo did you at least save her? Or were you to out of breath from the nut tap to continue CPR?

shooter308 0

Tuesday 26 May 2009 6:43

this has happened to me as well, not exact circumstances though. and dumbass's, if the internal pacemaker is going off, but the person has no pulses or electrical activity in their heart, your going to be doing chest compressions. stop monday morning quarterbacking an emt/medic (whatever he is) because you took CPR in the boy scouts.

MedicQT 0

Tuesday 26 May 2009 6:43

#64-- There are several reasons an AICD could fire. They could have no heart beat at all (electrical activity vs. heart muscle pumping blood are two different things). If there were no electrical activity, the AICD would *NOT* fire. The OP is an EMT, I'd think he knows what he is doing. This is the same principle as using an AED-- The person may have no pulse, but the AED analyzes and says "No shock advised, continue CPR." This can't possibly right, because it doesn't happen on TV that way. A defibrillator doesn't "start" the heart like jumping a car battery. When doctors shock a patient with no electrical activity in the heart on TV, that is BS and misleads the public--but it makes for GREAT TV, right? A heart has to have a certain amount of disorganized electrical activity (which does not create a pulse) for defibrillation to work. The defib stops this activity briefly in hopes that the heart will restart itself in a normal rhythm, follow the normal electrical system, and create a pulse. I am an American Heart Association Instructor in both CPR/AED/First Aid and ACLS, so yes, I teach this on top of using it in the field. Just wanted to add-- High five to the EMS personnel trying to set these folks straight. I'm sure they watch Grey's and House and take it as gospel. Help us all when "Trauma" debuts.. Ugh. You know, because atropine is such a controversial and dangerous drug in arrest situations, and when you get the patient back they open their eyes and look at you, lift their head, and thank you while still having the OPA in their mouth... **GAG** (watch the trailer on NBC's website.. It is disgusting..)

chocolaterabbit 0

Tuesday 26 May 2009 7:15

#66, grow up before you post again please. Only hot guys are allowed to perform CPR? i hope an ugly guy performs CPR on you when you need CPR, or better yet, no one at all.

shashmpoof 0

Tuesday 26 May 2009 7:19

uhhh...internal difbuwhatty???

doof_fisch 2

Tuesday 26 May 2009 8:49

Just be thankful -- if you or she were wet, you could've gotten roasted nuts.

YLS 0

Tuesday 26 May 2009 9:48

Just curious, wouldn't the arm to the nuts be entirely possible in correct CPR position? Since you straddle the arm, right? I was just wondering, because that's how I was taught when I learned CPR.