Work: Today, I was performing CPR on a woman on her floor while her...

By EMT_Koulianos - 25/05/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, I was performing CPR on a woman on her floor while her internal defibrillator kept firing, making her whole body jump. When it fired, her hand went straight up into my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 131

You deserved it 4 091

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Same thing different taste

By Whoopsie - 25/07/2018 05:00

Today, I had to call 911 and explain to the operator that my girlfriend orgasmed so hard she had a seizure and passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 355

You deserved it 582

By Anonymous - 28/10/2014 18:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a first aid training course. I had to lie on the floor and pretend I was unconscious. We were supposed to be doing the recovery position, but the guy I was working with decided to perform CPR instead and grope my boobs in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 552

You deserved it 3 485

Easy mistake

By helper - 01/12/2009 06:15 - Costa Rica

Today, while dining at a restaurant I heard a women choking. I immediately ran to her, wrapped my arms around her and started giving her abdominal thrusts. She freed herself and slapped me. Turns out she wasn't choking, she was just laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 673

You deserved it 34 833

Timewaster

By HMM - 28/07/2010 11:42 - United States

Today, I received a call while at the dispatch station for the Naval hospital I work at. It was a woman having a panic attack. Apparently, she couldn't plug her vacuum in, and was more or less freaking out. I had to take her in anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 021

You deserved it 3 004

Wakey wakey

By sacked - 22/02/2010 19:51 - United States

Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 369

You deserved it 24 018

By ouch... - 03/03/2010 11:13 - United States

Today, while trying to pull a nail out of some wood with a crowbar in my theatre class, my girlfriend, who was holding down the wood with her foot, thought it would be funny to move her foot and make me lose my balance. Instead, the crowbar flew up and struck me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 174

You deserved it 3 412

By thedullard - 16/02/2009 05:35 - United States

Today, at the gym, I see a person laying unconscious on the ground with people crowded around. Previously being a lifeguard, and knowing CPR, I ran over and asked a man what happened, preparing to check his vitals. I then realized that the body was a dummy and the employees were doing a drill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 459

You deserved it 31 237

By mrWrong - 25/03/2009 01:20 - United States

Today, my rescue squad unit responded to a 911 call from a woman who felt she was going to pass out. We knocked on her locked door a couple times with no answer. Fearing she might be unconscious, I kicked in the door. She was about to open it and only passed out from the concussion I gave her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101 966

You deserved it 12 116

By EpicFailAtItsFinest - 13/04/2009 02:49 - United States

Today, I was working as a lifeguard. A woman began to have a seizure. Nervous, I went into shock and walked into a tree, knocking myself out. Post seizure, the woman stood up and walked away. Later, I woke up in the hospital. The ambulance had arrived to take her, but ended up taking me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 511

You deserved it 19 525

By janedoe - 12/02/2009 22:21 - United States

Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home calling bingo numbers. One woman stood up and started making noises, so I assumed she had won and started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 811

You deserved it 12 748

heyyou1203 0

Monday 25 May 2009 22:05

:-( sorry dude, you were doing a great deed and you got injured. I'd still give you a pat on the back though.

lowfiwhiteguy 0

Monday 25 May 2009 22:19

AICD's have been around for a long time. they work the same as the pads, sending massive wattage across your heart and will cause a convulsion in the limbs. go google it ffs.

Comments

cucuto89 0

Tuesday 26 May 2009 1:24

Never, NEVER perform CPR on someone when a defibrillator is working, if you were actually certified in CPR, you would know that instead of just being some jack ass whose trying to be a hero

chazzywazzy654 22

Thursday 18 September 2014 18:03

#56 please read #33s comment.

jaybrown 0

Tuesday 26 May 2009 1:27

#28 lmfao yea there have been like 10 FMLs that have to do with being a prude 24 year old.

Yulia_fml 0

Tuesday 26 May 2009 1:29

hahaha i like #13 =D

nycemt83 0

Tuesday 26 May 2009 1:40

cucuto he clearly stated it was an INTERNAL defibrillator, there's not a whole lot he can do about it if it's firing. It could have been malfunctioning and repeatedly shocking her even if she was in asystole, or the shocks may have not been enough...ever see vertical pacer spikes on an EKG? And you do CPR on anyone who needs it, internal defibrillator firing or not...if it was an EXTERNAL defibrillator, on the other hand, and he did a compression during a shock, I don't think he'd be sitting here posting the story on the internet. The FML could have just been the embarrassment, especially if it was really noticeable and in view of the family...it didn't have to cause a great amount of pain for it to be an FML. And #30 where on earth did you learn to straddle people during CPR? Zimbabwe? If anything doing that would make his crotch harder to reach, assuming her arms are at her sides...what, are they going to rise up AND come medially into his junk? Talk about people who think they know what they're talking about...you're in the medicine field huh? What are you, the registration clerk?

woww89 0

Tuesday 26 May 2009 1:51

i dont get how her head could reach your nuts if you were on the ground giving her cpr...

chazzywazzy654 22

Thursday 18 September 2014 18:04

It says her hand not her head

Sleepwalker418 0

Tuesday 26 May 2009 1:58

woww89 - Where the hell did you read that her HEAD reached his nuts?

24788 6

Tuesday 26 May 2009 2:00

HAHA, she owned you.

asofaihp 0

Tuesday 26 May 2009 2:14

if her defib sensed that she needed to be defibed then that means that her heart was still beating, but irregularly, so then CPR wouldn't be necessary.

AmyBeth 0

Tuesday 26 May 2009 2:38

#42, wow just wow, to how cruel you are. The OP may have been doing something good to help her.

alexgisforme3 0

Tuesday 26 May 2009 2:42

only hot guys should be allowed to perform cpr on women (or ones that look like alex gaskarth if its about me...)...i guess she wasnt happy with you lol. but thats mean, so ill point out that i really admire you choosing a career to save people =).