Animals: Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my...

By Anonymous - 29/07/2013 21:18 - United States

Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 798

You deserved it 12 917

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Same thing different taste

Smack my bitch up

By Anonymous - 02/06/2023 01:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I got naked after coming home. It's super hot where I live and I wanted to cool down before getting dressed again. As I was standing there, minding my own business, the cat I'm pet-sitting for a friend reached up and clawed me on the vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 228

By ambushcat - 06/07/2012 03:31 - United States

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 514

You deserved it 28 635

By ihatecats - 01/12/2009 07:05 - United States

Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 176

You deserved it 16 610

By Catremorse - 01/08/2019 14:00 - United States - Centreville

Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 370

You deserved it 575

By Anonymous - 27/05/2009 22:44 - United States

Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 730

You deserved it 8 165

By Anonymous - 11/06/2011 22:36 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 264

You deserved it 7 318

By Anonymous - 28/12/2018 06:00 - United States - Pittsford

Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 148

You deserved it 500

By Anonymous - 04/09/2017 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 143

You deserved it 482

Furry feral friend

By Anonymous - 17/03/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, I'm covered in scratches because a feral cat found its way under the house and tore apart the A/C duct to climb its way into my room in the middle of the night. After 30 minutes of chasing it, I got rid of it, but my room now smells like cat piss and I'm applying Neosporin to places I should never have to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 430

You deserved it 78

Worst enemy

By vitalcheese - 20/05/2009 19:12 - United States

Today, I was walking around my house without a shirt on after my shower. I picked up my cat and walked around the corner… Just as my dad turned on the vacuum. Now I have 6 rather deep bloody holes in my shoulder and chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 178

You deserved it 8 221

MateRicks 18

Tuesday 30 July 2013 1:39

God I hate it when that happens

EverestMelting 23

Tuesday 30 July 2013 1:40

Get a dog. They lick. Not maul.

Comments

Goblin182 26

Tuesday 30 July 2013 2:16

Need someone to kiss it and make it better?

gremlin_bros 19

Tuesday 30 July 2013 2:17

I do feel so sorry your pain but I did need a laff thanks!

miss_sqwert 19

Tuesday 30 July 2013 2:18

No matter how hot it is its a bit ridiculousness to sit around completely naked

whoracle_fml 12

Tuesday 30 July 2013 2:22

Oh it is.... Well this is embarrassing

ShoyuSauceSoup 26

Tuesday 30 July 2013 4:24

If she is alone or used to be naked at home, it is not embarassing.

phatdaddy62 23

Tuesday 30 July 2013 6:03

I'm naked right now. Hmmm. Maybe I should leave the mall and go home . . .

lalaney 14

Tuesday 30 July 2013 2:20

I'm sorry, but anytime an FML reads "I have a cat..." I have to say YDI. Cats are jerks. If you don't like it, why did you get one?

trbuson 11

Tuesday 30 July 2013 2:28

OP never said they hated their cat. Why are you feline so hateful to the pussy-loving community?

lalaney 14

Tuesday 30 July 2013 3:13

They may not hate their cat, but they're complaining about it being a jerk. Don't have a cat if you don't want an animal that's a jerk.

trbuson 11

Tuesday 30 July 2013 3:20

OP is not complaining about the cat being a jerk. Cats land with claws out to avoid falling and the startled owner made the landing a catastrophe.

lochiamochia 25

Tuesday 30 July 2013 6:54

Lalaney is a mouse. He has good reason to hate on cats.

buckdharma 36

Tuesday 30 July 2013 2:24

Due to a heatwave, and lack of AC you were naked with your cat? Damn op, if I didn't know any better I'd say you're a purrr-vert.

reveal 10

Tuesday 30 July 2013 2:28

pics or it didn't happen

etishuman22 32

Tuesday 30 July 2013 2:32

Let me just say, that although I agree that when it's miserably hot inside a home it's awful to be clothed, I'm one of those people who feel weird naked in front of their pets. I can't explain it. Maybe this strange condition would have prevented OP's cat from accidentally attacking her lady parts.

etishuman22 32

Tuesday 30 July 2013 3:10

I meant if OP had the same problem I do then she wouldn't have been mauled in her private parts! I have finally realized the afternoon is my peak point of the day to comment...the mornings and evenings I might as well just scroll through and read the comments. Goodness, etishuman22...get your head in the game.

blubberfish 10

Tuesday 30 July 2013 2:33

Sounds like your cat didn't like having to compete with another pussy.

Longshott 4

Tuesday 30 July 2013 2:45

It's Pussception!

The_Piquerist 7

Tuesday 30 July 2013 2:51

brings scissoring to a whole new level

neuroticallyyour_fml 17

Tuesday 30 July 2013 5:10

I really hate the misconception that lesbian sex = scissoring. Most people don't realize that lesbians rarely use the "scissor" position and that the technical name for genital on genital contact between two women (whether in scissor position or some other position) is called tribadism. I know this is in no way relevant to the FML but I figured might as well take the chance to dispel some myths/misinformation.