Love: Today, I was riding the train and saw a cute guy licking his...

By anonmys - 18/07/2010 21:47 - United States

Today, I was riding the train and saw a cute guy licking his lips at me. Flattered, I gave him my number when the train stopped. He looked at me and said, "Don't flatter yourself. You have mustard on your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 462

You deserved it 19 431

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 15/11/2013 09:45 - United Kingdom - Bicester

Today, I made eye contact with a cute guy from across a packed train. He then yelled out, in front of everyone, "You've got foam on your nose!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 421

You deserved it 4 043

By fmylifebad - 29/04/2009 10:12 - United States

Today, I was on the subway and saw this cute guy eyeing me. I crossed my legs, tossed back my hair, and raised my eyebrows slightly. As he came up to me, my heart started racing until he finally started flirting... with the girl next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 147

You deserved it 12 196

Self sabotage

By Anonymous - 15/08/2012 17:41 - United States

Today, I was drawing while on the train, when a very good-looking woman looked at my work and said, "Wow, she's pretty. Is it supposed to be me?" She'd said it in a flirty tone, but before I could stop myself, I'd said, "Nah, it's just a generic face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 487

You deserved it 10 804

By Anonymous - 26/12/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, I was riding the train home, and I sat in the row in front of a homeless woman. I noticed an old man staring at me. I got off the train after a long 6 stops, and the old man who had been staring at me walks up to me and says "The lady behind you was flicking lice onto you the whole time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 859

You deserved it 2 606

By Kamburgler - 02/07/2011 06:33 - United States

Today, this really cute guy at work kept flirting with me and cracking the funniest jokes. Before he left, he told me how much he enjoyed making me smile. An hour later, I saw my reflection in a mirror, I had a huge piece of food stuck in my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 390

You deserved it 5 726

Powerful

By Noguestlist - 02/03/2011 08:16

Today, on the train, a cute girl gave me her number. After maybe half an hour, she went to her seat and I went to the toilet for a quick but loud and painful dump. I opened the door and saw her outside getting bitch-slapped by the smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 571

You deserved it 9 954

By touched - 10/02/2009 11:30 - Philippines

Today, on the crowded train, a cute guy called me over and told me to stand next to him because there were less people there. We started talking, but he left before I could get his number. Just when I was about to tell my friends about it, I find out that he stole my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 400

You deserved it 5 709

By ilovecowboys - 26/02/2010 09:09 - New Zealand

Today, on the train to work, the train guard was hot and I became stupidly nervous. I'm very shy and was trying to avoid eye-contact. He said 'THANK YOU', in a pissed off tone of voice and glared at me. I had absent-mindedly been staring in the direction of his prosthetic arm the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 880

You deserved it 7 048

By Anonymous - 06/07/2013 11:26 - United States

Today, while out for lunch, a guy approached me and asked for my number. I politely declined. To my dismay, he dropped to his knees, grabbed his head, and started moaning about how nobody ever gives him a chance. I felt the accusing stares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 738

You deserved it 6 805

By needanewride - 16/11/2012 02:40 - United States - Newton Center

Today, I took a crowded train home. I was holding on to the rail when an old man started rubbing his crotch across my hand. I moved my hand but he moved too and kept doing it. When I moved my hand higher, he started licking it. I had to wait ten minutes for the next stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 303

You deserved it 3 319

aKa_Bub0nic 0

Monday 19 July 2010 1:30

Time for you to ketchup with the times and realize nobody licks their lips anymore to show signs of affection.

Kirashai 9

Monday 19 July 2010 1:30

...Yeah, he could've just tapped your shoulder and told you like a normal person.

Comments

xSarahBaabyx94 0

Monday 19 July 2010 1:35

he lucked his lips at you so you give him your phone number?? wth, who does that anymore and OP, couldn't you feel stuff on your face? YDI /:

Dr_Awesome654 24

Monday 27 June 2016 7:58

8 thumbs up

LOveLy_LOla 0

Monday 19 July 2010 1:36

wow!! tht must really suck!! i bet u felt like a real loser!! smh!!

JimmyWeir 0

Monday 19 July 2010 1:36

I'd be like "that's all the licking your gonna get today"!

Slappyzezima 0

Monday 19 July 2010 1:36

someones a ****, aren't they?

SokDek 14

Monday 19 July 2010 1:36

wow you mist be fat and ugly, or else this is fake and gay..

tellmeastoryplz4 0

Monday 19 July 2010 1:36

that's embarising for u!

xSarahBaabyx94 0

Monday 19 July 2010 1:37

licked**

mfmylifesrsly 29

Monday 19 July 2010 1:39

why would you be flattered if a guy was licking his lips at you? I'd be creeped out..

JesseJaymz 0

Monday 19 July 2010 1:40

stop suckin off big bird and this problem won't happen

Raleigh_bruh 7

Monday 19 July 2010 1:45

Lol, what?

JesseJaymz 0

Monday 19 July 2010 1:47

mustard on the face-yellow ****?-big bird. eh, i tried. i'll say it myself, fail.

Raleigh_bruh 7

Monday 19 July 2010 1:49

Nah, it was funny aha. It's just when you read the same comments and then get to yours, it's like wtf all of a sudden haha.

FMGrammar 0

Monday 19 July 2010 4:13

22-fail 30-win

BabyDacey 0

Monday 19 July 2010 1:41

a guy licking his lips at you.. that gets you turned on? as if

Keywords

Miscellaneous Sleep Awkward Love Weddings Television Money Relatable Snow Transportation Annoying Family Kids Pregnancy Mental health Empathy Toxic Food Animals Cats Argument Gamers Health Valentine's Day Gross Homeowners Home improvement Babysitter Drugs Music

The Top

Today, I was at a family gathering and during a lull in the conversation I started to tell a joke to lighten the mood. Halfway through, I realized the joke was incredibly inappropriate. The room fell silent, and my grandma hasn’t looked at me the same since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 562

Today, I had to watch as my deeply religious mother broke out in tears of joy, as she said how happy she was that I was waiting until marriage to have sex. I didn't have the heart to tell her that my fiancé and I fucked on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 467

You deserved it 920

The Top

Today, after having a pretty rough day, I decided a nice, hot shower would be great. Ten minutes in, the shower head apparently couldn't take the water pressure anymore, and it flew off and hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 336

You deserved it 2 191

Today, I told my fiancé he needed to spend at least one night a week at home with his daughter or we will pack up and leave. He responded by getting a suitcase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 920

You deserved it 365

Today, my boyfriend got angry because I laughed when he asked me if he should retire from being a Pokemon Trainer. He was serious. He's also 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 818

You deserved it 11 832

Today, I found out that the landscaper my wife hired on my behalf wasn't kidding when he said he was going to trim my wife's bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 907

You deserved it 3 051

Today, I went to a job interview and had a brilliant answer prepared for a common job interview question, but as soon as the interviewer asked what my main qualities were, my mind went blank and I blurted out, "I like turtles." FML

I agree, your life sucks 590

You deserved it 284

Today, I saw a my neighbor being mugged on the street. I wanted to help, so I tried to yank her purse from the mugger's hands. I guess my neighbor didn't see me clearly, because she thought I was another mugger and kicked my directly in the happy sacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 637

You deserved it 3 602

Same thing different taste

Self sabotage

Powerful

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