Love: Today, I was riding the train and saw a cute guy licking his...

By anonmys - 18/07/2010 21:47 - United States

Today, I was riding the train and saw a cute guy licking his lips at me. Flattered, I gave him my number when the train stopped. He looked at me and said, "Don't flatter yourself. You have mustard on your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 460

You deserved it 19 430

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 15/11/2013 09:45 - United Kingdom - Bicester

Today, I made eye contact with a cute guy from across a packed train. He then yelled out, in front of everyone, "You've got foam on your nose!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 419

You deserved it 4 043

By fmylifebad - 29/04/2009 10:12 - United States

Today, I was on the subway and saw this cute guy eyeing me. I crossed my legs, tossed back my hair, and raised my eyebrows slightly. As he came up to me, my heart started racing until he finally started flirting... with the girl next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 144

You deserved it 12 192

Self sabotage

By Anonymous - 15/08/2012 17:41 - United States

Today, I was drawing while on the train, when a very good-looking woman looked at my work and said, "Wow, she's pretty. Is it supposed to be me?" She'd said it in a flirty tone, but before I could stop myself, I'd said, "Nah, it's just a generic face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 485

You deserved it 10 803

By Anonymous - 26/12/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, I was riding the train home, and I sat in the row in front of a homeless woman. I noticed an old man staring at me. I got off the train after a long 6 stops, and the old man who had been staring at me walks up to me and says "The lady behind you was flicking lice onto you the whole time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 856

You deserved it 2 604

By Kamburgler - 02/07/2011 06:33 - United States

Today, this really cute guy at work kept flirting with me and cracking the funniest jokes. Before he left, he told me how much he enjoyed making me smile. An hour later, I saw my reflection in a mirror, I had a huge piece of food stuck in my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 389

You deserved it 5 724

Powerful

By Noguestlist - 02/03/2011 08:16

Today, on the train, a cute girl gave me her number. After maybe half an hour, she went to her seat and I went to the toilet for a quick but loud and painful dump. I opened the door and saw her outside getting bitch-slapped by the smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 568

You deserved it 9 952

By touched - 10/02/2009 11:30 - Philippines

Today, on the crowded train, a cute guy called me over and told me to stand next to him because there were less people there. We started talking, but he left before I could get his number. Just when I was about to tell my friends about it, I find out that he stole my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 398

You deserved it 5 708

By ilovecowboys - 26/02/2010 09:09 - New Zealand

Today, on the train to work, the train guard was hot and I became stupidly nervous. I'm very shy and was trying to avoid eye-contact. He said 'THANK YOU', in a pissed off tone of voice and glared at me. I had absent-mindedly been staring in the direction of his prosthetic arm the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 879

You deserved it 7 047

By Anonymous - 06/07/2013 11:26 - United States

Today, while out for lunch, a guy approached me and asked for my number. I politely declined. To my dismay, he dropped to his knees, grabbed his head, and started moaning about how nobody ever gives him a chance. I felt the accusing stares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 731

You deserved it 6 802

By needanewride - 16/11/2012 02:40 - United States - Newton Center

Today, I took a crowded train home. I was holding on to the rail when an old man started rubbing his crotch across my hand. I moved my hand but he moved too and kept doing it. When I moved my hand higher, he started licking it. I had to wait ten minutes for the next stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 299

You deserved it 3 316

aKa_Bub0nic 0

Monday 19 July 2010 1:30

Time for you to ketchup with the times and realize nobody licks their lips anymore to show signs of affection.

Kirashai 9

Monday 19 July 2010 1:30

...Yeah, he could've just tapped your shoulder and told you like a normal person.

Comments

rudiznell 0

Monday 19 July 2010 3:46

And you should've said, "Oh I'm not flattering myself. I'm a personal trainer and thought you'd need some help." score! bitch 1, mustard man 0

pcakewafflebacon 0

Monday 19 July 2010 3:52

... and him licking his lips didn't come off as creepy to you?

gingernator 0

Monday 19 July 2010 3:52

104, agreed. she's gorgeous but nice fail.

ninja_warrior517 0

Monday 19 July 2010 3:54

all i can say is wow...

HandOfClod 0

Monday 19 July 2010 3:55

Nice job #104!

Mr_Zachary 0

Monday 19 July 2010 3:58

104 is used to failing, as explained by his pic... maybe he's on a boat. a motherfucking boat.

FFML_314 11

Monday 19 July 2010 4:04

Babydacey, I have to know. Is that you? I have serious doubts. Considering someone already called you out and your myspace seems fishy.

Xx_jESSii 3

Monday 19 July 2010 4:12

Lol wow that's just weird, he's licking his lips so you give him your number lol & how didn't you know you had mustard on your face?

aardvarkish 15

Monday 19 July 2010 4:22

If you had the tongue of an aardvark, you could have owned him!

usaf2012 0

Monday 19 July 2010 4:28

YDI for being the kind of person who would respond to such a sleazy come-on.

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Today, during dinner, my mom told my dad and me in great detail about the "awesome" new cosmetic surgery idea she just had: constructing earlobes for lobeless ears, using skin taken from women's labia. I was forced to sit through this until I finished my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 356

You deserved it 4 298

Today, during an episode of King of Queens that my boyfriend has seen more than once, I decided I'd try to get a little frisky. I straddled him while he was on the bed and began taking my clothes of. He pushed me out of the way and said, "Don't get naked in front of the TV." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 748

You deserved it 4 499

The Top

Today, I told my cousin it would be okay if he stayed the weekend after a fight with his wife. He didn't tell me he was bringing his 4 kids. They've watched funny cat videos for hours and they laugh like maniacs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 132

You deserved it 1 356

Today, I was at the mall, I saw a girl crying that her ice cream had fallen on the floor. Feeling generous, I bought her a new one. She threw it on the ground, laughed, and came over to her mom and told that I was bothering her, so the mom called security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 663

You deserved it 5 009

Today, I really upset my housemates when I opened my bedroom door to find them - and their friends - doing meth. At 2 a.m. on a Monday. I didn't even say anything, but it's drama and I just want to sleep. I start back at work in 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 835

You deserved it 115

Today, I discovered that the painful eczema I get every winter was actually being caused by the moisturising cream I use to treat it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 437

You deserved it 4 316

Today, I went to Walmart with my girlfriend. We bought the usual, food, Advil and condoms. While I waited in line, she went to grab everything. When she came back, I looked in the cart and saw no condoms. I asked her why she didn't get any. She replied "They ran out of smalls." Everyone laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 055

You deserved it 8 425

Today, my mum told me she would rather spend Christmas with her boyfriend than with her own family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 867

You deserved it 190

Same thing different taste

Self sabotage

Powerful

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