Intimacy: Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn...

By McKenna - 16/07/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 378

You deserved it 17 915

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

It's the thought that counts

By come on man - 29/11/2014 17:03 - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me like that?? Srsly fuck off". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 503

You deserved it 7 445

Remote sex

By Anonymous - 05/02/2020 05:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 379

You deserved it 355

By giantcuntflaps - 13/12/2014 16:03 - Australia

Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 530

You deserved it 6 871

Candidly

By Anonymous - 14/03/2014 04:06 - Canada - London

Today, I finally gave in to my long-distance boyfriend's requests and texted him dirty things. Any time I would send him something, he would reply, "What?" or "What do you mean?" Either I'm not doing this right, or I'm in a relationship with the most innocent person ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 032

You deserved it 7 358

By picturemenakedbaby - 21/07/2009 10:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 970

You deserved it 12 729

By lonelyandbored - 31/05/2010 00:19 - United States

Today, I was dirty texting my boyfriend since we couldn't see each other this weekend. We were getting really into it when he said, "If only you were this good in real life." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 354

You deserved it 11 202

By Oops54321 - 28/09/2009 07:12 - France

Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn't reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying 'Stay away from my little girl.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 727

You deserved it 33 266

By Anonymous - 08/08/2014 21:05 - Israel

Today, I finally felt ready for intimacy with my boyfriend, and I sent him a sexy picture of myself topless. He texted back, "Ewwwww." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 888

You deserved it 8 664

Steamy

By DreeStahr - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Liberty

Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 173

You deserved it 1 486

Talk sexy to me

By fed up/turned off - 02/10/2013 05:47 - United States - Fresno

Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 566

You deserved it 6 798

Doortje 29

Saturday 16 July 2011 12:05

Honey, if you need to turn him on a day in advance to get him to want to have sex with you, you're doing something wrong.

cupcakegirl93 8

Saturday 16 July 2011 11:57

Either you are trying to hard or he has moved on and isn't interested... try to figure out the real reason and good luck!

Comments

Saltime 0

Saturday 16 July 2011 16:36

My whole idea on this comment is that you saw FML before anybody commented, go excited, and clicked the "Comment" button. To your surprise, you had nothing witty to say, so you wrote down this.

sj6969 0

Saturday 16 July 2011 16:45

he's gay, talk dirty with me instead

perdix 29

Saturday 16 July 2011 17:01

Using the proper medical terms can be quite a turn-off. "I will be aroused when insert your penis into my ****** and we will have coitus until you ejaculate." That just evokes images of Amy Farrah Fowler and Lilith Sternin-Crane. Yuck.

lllilll 4

Saturday 16 July 2011 17:26

I can hardly call "coitus" a medical term...

perdix 29

Saturday 16 July 2011 17:44

It certainly is. It is not slang, it is a technical term for copulation, or *******, if you will.

5t3ff1k4h 44

Saturday 16 July 2011 17:02

Okay, here's the problem. This method works for mature adults. You seem like you're dating a 5 year old, so of course this wouldn't work on him. Tell him not to worry and to put his pee-pee away for ten years, and then you go find a real man to be with.

ReynshineCutting 10

Saturday 16 July 2011 18:08

This "method" does not work on "mature adults". This works on all different kinds of people (high school kids definitely aren't mature adults) whether mature or not. My fiancé and I don't sext anything beyond "I can't wait to make love tonight". We're both mature adults who 9 times out of 10 make love for the connection we get, not the physical pleasure. Some of us mature adults aren't into dirty raunchy sex.