Health: Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely...

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By arse of fire :( - 23/02/2013 00:31 - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 134

You deserved it 3 898

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Same thing different taste

By FUCK GOD - 03/02/2013 23:04 - Argentina - Salta

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 136

You deserved it 4 864

By BatBee - 03/08/2016 02:29 - United States - Princeton

Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our sexting from when we were dating, so later I took a bath and texted him while he was relaxing in bed. His response ? "I'm tired and hurry up I need to poop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 370

You deserved it 1 526

Shit for brains

By Anonymous - 31/10/2023 15:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, in desperate need of a shit, I quickly ran into a shop to buy toilet paper. I rushed home and unleashed, only to realise I'd bought paper towels. Without options, I had to wipe my ass with them and consequently blocked the toilet. I found rolls of toilet paper while looking for the plunger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 186

You deserved it 665

By Anonymous - 31/12/2013 18:22 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I was at work alone with a stomach bug. For some reason, our bathroom was out of toilet paper, so I had to quickly run to the nearest store to buy more, only to shit my pants midway there. I'm pretty sure the cashier knew exactly what had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 200

You deserved it 4 212

Who wants to be a millionaire?

By Not telling you in a million years - 03/03/2025 03:00 - Canada

Today, I had just sat down and taken a dump in a public restroom when I realized there was no toilet paper. I tried to discreetly call for help, but no one heard me. My only option was to text a friend and have them bring me some. The worst part? My friend ended up texting me, "You called for backup?" as I waited in humiliation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 195

You deserved it 275

Fools rush in

By Anonymous - 15/11/2022 10:00 - United States - Utica

Today, after a shopping trip, I had the worst diarrhea attack and almost shat my pants before I could even get in the front door. By the time I could get the door open, it was taking all of my self-control to keep from shitting myself. I had to shit on the toilet with the front door and bathroom door wide open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 177

Put the booze down

By Anonymous - 13/08/2020 14:01

Today, I shat myself in front of my girlfriend's family, after drinking too much the previous night and waking up with major stomach problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 562

You deserved it 2 096

Party animal

By Laci - 30/04/2011 17:50 - United States

Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 944

You deserved it 23 226

Thanks, I guess…

By Anonymous - 02/11/2018 03:00

Today, my boyfriend came home drunk from town, busted the toilet door open crying, and proposed to me with a ring and all. I was literally mid-shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 293

You deserved it 308

Confinement, episode 3774

By S3XY_SiNG3R - 11/04/2020 02:00

Today, I woke up to use the restroom, because I had to take a shit. There was basically no toilet paper left. I asked my boyfriend if he could go get some. It was 1 a.m. He said he’d go when the stores were open, then told me to just rinse off in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 2 072

superxmario91 11

Saturday 23 February 2013 5:25

use his favorite shirts!!

LostThePlot 3

Saturday 23 February 2013 5:25

Your husband has a pretty terrible sense of humour.

Comments

rintintin19 5

Saturday 23 February 2013 15:52

we can only hope that your predicament was caused by something very contagious..

beanthemouse 13

Saturday 23 February 2013 15:57

Get his best shirt, and use it as toilet paper. With a note saying "This shirt is a bit shitty in my opinion, get it? SHITTY? Love you babe."

loudema 5

Saturday 23 February 2013 16:18

Aren't you home? No napkins or paper towel? How about washing your butt in the shower or tub? I will be cleaner than using 1/2 roll of toilet paper each time you go

disGRUNTled123 2

Saturday 23 February 2013 16:57

Hahaha that's great

WickedWolf 11

Saturday 23 February 2013 17:09

You married that. ;P

VasilisaUzhasnaj 29

Saturday 23 February 2013 17:52

Am I the only one who thinks it would've been a bad idea for her husband to be driving around 'shitfaced'?

onorexveritas 23

Saturday 23 February 2013 18:56

in a different situation, I am sure you would've laughed too

Miss1337 1

Saturday 23 February 2013 19:01

Wow terrible jokes/attitude from him. But seriously, this is coming from someone with usual case of major gut issues... I've learned to suck it up if I didn't have decent stock of TP and ran out, jump in the shower, or use paper towels, or something of the sort. Sucks though. I know those feels.