By arse of fire :( - 23/02/2013 00:31 - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML
I agree, your life sucks 34 129
You deserved it 3 895
Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…
Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Next

Top comments

superxmario91 11

use his favorite shirts!!

187 2
LostThePlot 3

Your husband has a pretty terrible sense of humour.

110 11

Comments

MisterDoctor 12

I don't know why you got thumbed down, I thought it was a pretty clever thing to say. x)

2 12
iiDangerCloseBK 6

It may be gross but you could just take a shower to "clean" yourself. If you didn't have any toilet paper, this would work.

56 3
xXHollowIchigoXx 17

I just don't understand... You shit in a bowl filled with water. There is literally a tub that can be filled with water 2 feet away. HOW can you possibly be stuck in the bathroom at your own home?

23 3
dancinwookie 21

Pretty sure #12 meant to just jump in and spread your cheeks wide to clean it that way, then towel yourself off. That's one of reasons I avoid bachelor pad towels or laundry.

11 2
protoskore 27

#26 - in some places the toilet and bath/shower are 2 different rooms

7 1
tanabanana13 14

I would have suggested the same thing! Shower it off.

3 1
Sunkistlover718 21

When you're sitting on the john and the toilet paper's gone, be a man; use your hand. Am I the only one who has ever heard this?

8 36
Livestrong14 7

No your not, but maybe the only one to do it.

29 3
chanellgymnast 17

Tell him he's a piece of shit. Get it? A piece of shit. LOL.

14 30
tmmundy 17

14..Yes, I think we get it. Once again with a lame comment.

9 0
poodle_juice 17

Does it feel like the devil is coming out of your anus?

19 8
HowieDoIt 21

Wow that is an incredible reference from many moons ago...well done!

9 2
Tavers 19

I don't get it.... Time to google, once again...

1 1
alexafml 5

Next time call a Chinese delivery place and tell them you'll tip extra if they pick up toilet paper...I have had them grab me stuff before they always oblige me :)

29 2
Nekogami 14

Huh. Ain't that some shit. Never thought of that. ( no pun intended ) Lol. Ill have to try that!

9 2
Ellenpop 15

What is she going to say, "yes bring some toilet paper, walk in the front door, and bring it to me in the bathroom. I'll be the one sitting half naked on the toilet". Because if she could get up to answer the door, why couldn't she find something else to wipe with such as a napkin, paper towel, etc.?

6 3
acami2012 5

looks like you need to find a better man. your wishes should be his commands

2 14
Vashen 5

I understand this situation is different, but why should her husband be happy to jump on a whim? I don't think he should be happy to do anything and everything she 'commands'

3 3
TheAbstract 15

I love that whenever there's some sort of relationship struggle on an FML some dillhole is bound to comment saying something like, "Oh, you're having minor troubles? Instead of acting like adults and talking about it you two should just break up." Usually It's just, "You need a better man/woman." though.

3 2
DanielleinDC 33

Well, I think it's a perfectly reasonable request that a husband tend to his wife when she's sick. If the situation were reversed, would you think it's okay for wifey to be hanging with her girlfriends while her husband has diarrhea? And then he had to twist the needle by saying "get it". OP, your husband is a shitheel.

3 0