Love: Today, I was talking to a guy on the phone. I told him I'd be...

By Payte - 08/04/2011 05:31

Today, I was talking to a guy on the phone. I told him I'd be right back. I thought I'd put him on mute. Turns out he heard everything as I took the biggest dump I've ever taken. We haven't talked since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 631

You deserved it 44 312

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Same thing different taste

By ShitHappens - 24/10/2011 05:04 - United States

Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 566

You deserved it 44 722

Hey guys, check this out

By Sonic - 15/01/2010 16:50 - United States

Today, I was on a conference call while in the bathroom with all the important people in my district. I thought my phone was on mute, so I took the opportunity to flush the toilet. Turns out, that my phone wasn't on mute, and everyone heard it. I'm the only one who was on the conference call outside of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 450

You deserved it 30 916

By Anon - 25/08/2015 10:10 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I took a phone call in the bathroom, since the rest of the house was too noisy. I sat down on the toilet and waited while they put me on hold. After a while, I must have forgotten the lid was down and my pants were still on, because I started peeing myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 644

You deserved it 9 143

Gassy

By MuteNToot - 26/02/2015 21:17

Today, my friend was confiding all her problems to me over Skype. I pressed the mute button so I could let out a fart, forgetting I'd already muted it earlier. I broke several minutes of my own silence with a devastating wet one. Now she won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 975

You deserved it 14 358

Not now, mate

By yuen - 16/06/2009 14:59 - Australia

Today, I went to take a shit and found my boss shaving in the toilet. While in the cubicle, he asked me about my work and the conversation lasted 15 minutes. I stayed in there even though I'd finished shitting after 5 minutes, during which 3 people heard my progress report while shitting next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 612

You deserved it 4 741

Thanks dad…

By Anonymous - 26/09/2012 20:27 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 645

You deserved it 2 608

By Anonymous - 14/09/2012 14:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 289

You deserved it 30 212

By Anonymous - 26/09/2011 18:52 - United States

Today, at work while on the toilet, somebody came into the stall next to me and gave a loud play by play of every fart, plop, and grunt. He then asked loudly who I was and when I didn't answer put his head under the stall to look at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 063

You deserved it 3 580

By wendtinmypants - 31/05/2014 15:05 - United States - Omaha

Today, I took out my phone and realized I butt dialed my girlfriend and left her a 4 minute voicemail of me farting in an echoing toilet bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 900

You deserved it 9 217

Office world is hell

By Anonymous - 11/07/2020 14:01

Today, at work I was sitting on the toilet and a coworker came in and yelled, “That sounded like a big one!” and wouldn't leave until I left came out of the stall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 479

You deserved it 141

robc32ca 4

Friday 8 April 2011 12:08

"can I call you right back" works wonders!!

HeavyMetalViking 0

Friday 8 April 2011 12:25

Shit. Sounds like the guy was dumping someone too.

Comments

craaazymonkey 0

Friday 8 April 2011 12:37

lol

enonymous 8

Friday 8 April 2011 12:40

If I was him I would be super turned on since you're all clear down there. I'd wait by the door he should be knocking soon

LetItRise 0

Friday 8 April 2011 14:21

you are one sick son of a bitch

SuckerPunchurMom 0

Friday 8 April 2011 14:57

I LOL'd at your comment panda.

noncomposmentis 6

Friday 8 April 2011 12:41

Expelling bodily waste is a very normal biological function. I do not know what is so embarrassing about this episode that the two of you now find it awkward to keep in contact. Sure, he didn't need to hear it. But to stop talking completely is really an over-reaction. Just laugh it off.

daybowbow 0

Friday 8 April 2011 15:04

K, Sheldon.

RedPillSucks 31

Friday 8 April 2011 16:11

The awkward part is that he stayed on the phone and listened.

dontsmokecrack 1

Wednesday 14 September 2011 4:48

Run home kid

ipod_fml 0

Friday 8 April 2011 12:45

FFAAIIL

WOODYfromthaBAY 0

Friday 8 April 2011 12:52

who cares? ur takin a dump, he takes dumps too, if hes trippin over that, tell him to gtfo. but i hope you wiped good, u dnt want swamp butt.

sunnysurfchick 0

Friday 8 April 2011 20:01

it's not a matter of everyone going to the bathroom,more just plain courtesy of " hey let me call you back " who put's someone on hold while they use the bathroom. a ******* inconsiderate person!

Mooshoo123 0

Friday 8 April 2011 12:52

that's just ******* disgusting.. saying can I call you later would have been better.. If I was him and hearing that I would have hung up and never call again

sunnysurfchick 0

Friday 8 April 2011 12:56

YDI you could of just said let me call you right back. the reason he didn't call you is cause your not to lady like. who uses the word "dump" mostly guys.